"A new normal"

Today's been rough. I used to call my parents on Sundays because it was the day after my Dad's dialysis so he'd usually be more energized.

I still try to call my Mom on Sundays. It's hard. It's hard not to just ask for my Dad, like usual. Today, we talked for about 40 minutes, just her and I.  I guess this is our new normal.

I miss saying, "Hi Dad!" My chest feels hollow today. I miss last Sunday. I had all my loved ones in one place.  

I know I still have so much to blog/journal about, but it's so difficult to think about certain things and rehash certain experiences.

All I know is that I miss my Dad more and more and just when I think I'm doing better, my chest bottoms out and my heart just sinks, like a ton of bricks have fallen all over me, repeatedly. Sometimes it's a task just to breathe. I try to act normal and BE normal, but I'm still adjusting to this new normal. 

I miss him more than I'll ever be able to describe and sometimes I don't know how life can just be normal and happy again. This is the hardest challenge of my life.