Tuesday, October 17, 2017
My heart.
He shows his love for me every day, all day and in many, many ways. I am beyond lucky that he chose me. As he has reassured me many times, my happiness is his happiness. I don't know how I would have pulled through this difficult time which hasn't been easy for him as well. I can only imagine the feelings and deep emotions that has stirred within him regarding his own Mom that passed away 5 years ago, and now having to watch his wife go through the same experience.
I am grateful for my sweetheart who has put my wants before his needs which doesn't seem fair in the least bit but to ask him to do differently would be like asking him not to breathe; nearly impossible.
Heaven knows of our struggles, but it also knows of all the love in my heart for him, for his patience and most especially his enduring love.
My cup runneth o'er.
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
August in Rewind: Thursday, August 3. (temple)
I was nervous about my nephew being late to the temple since he was going to be Levi's escort. Slim texted me to tell me that he was already there while we were about 8 minutes away. That made me even more anxious. I was doing my very best to be calm. Levi just wanted to make sure we got there on time but I knew that since it was a Thursday, it wouldn't be busy at the temple. PLUS, it's not like they could start without us.
We pulled into the parking lot and found a great parking spot. Close to the entrance and close to the front of the temple where we would be taking a lot of photos afterwards. As we started to walk away from the truck, I wanted to take a photo of us.
I wanted to send a photo to my parents so they could feel like they were included in every step. I was excited and was also trying to take in every single moment of the day. It was quiet on the temple grounds, barely anybody in sight. MAYBE there were 2 other people on the grounds. It was quiet and peaceful, unlike the usual hustle and bustle of a Saturday. This was another reason why I'd always wanted to be married/sealed on a Thursday.
We walked in and there was my nephew and his wife. My nephew's wife didn't have her temple recommend w/ her, so she could only hug us at the reception desk and had to wait for us during the ceremony.
The temple seemed different that day. I felt like I was looking at it through new eyes. I went into rooms that I had only been in once or twice before. We first walked into the waiting room and my old roommate, Sestra, was there. I gave her a huge hug and I got choked up hugging her. I haven't seen Sestra in about 7 years, and we were roommates over 12 years ago. Sestra was the best roommates I could have ever had (upon moving out for the first time). She is kind, sincere and genuinely goodhearted! I think I squeezed her so tight because she I was over the moon to have her here, in person, celebrating this beautiful experience. Also because I never knew if I would ever get to this point in my life; being married & sealed. I wish I could have spent all afternoon just catching up with her.
Reed was next to Sestra and she would be my escort for the day. Unfortunately, my sister's recommend also expired without realizing it til that day, so I needed someone I was close to; Reed. I love Reed just as much as I love my sister. I've known Reed since the day I returned home from my mission I love her children and couldn't be more grateful to consider her family. More and more of our guests were showing up, Auntie Sue, Mike & Julie, Buzz...all our dear loved ones. My heart could just burst at the seams.
We needed to go over paperwork stuff, so they took us to a side room. I could see more of our guests walking in and I just wanted to greet them all! We were sitting in a room about 20 feet away just watching them all. They were all there for us. I had to fight back the tears many, MANY times.
We went over paperwork stuff, and then the temple president called us into his office. My heart just wanted explode! I wanted to cry because this was all becoming a reality. He explained what was going to take place and my heart was full of love for the man next to me. He learned about this gospel and joined this religion so that we could be a forever family and it was all coming together. I wanted to just slow down a bit, and sit there on that couch a bit longer because I wanted to take it all in. Plus it was so dang hot and I was tired of being a hot sweaty mess!
We went back to the waiting room and more guests had arrived. Our missionaries (technically Levi's missionaries), Jordan & Travis came all the way from Idaho. I wanted to just cry. I love these two return missionaries. We were then ushered to go upstairs to change. Slim walked over w/ Levi to rent some clothes and I had my brand new temple dress in my bag. We headed up the stairs and over to the bridal room.
I hadn't been in the bridal room since I was endowed 15 years ago. It was nice to be back. It was just as beautiful as I remember and today I was to be the bride. I was sad that my sister wasn't there with me, but I was grateful for Reed. Can I just say that I LOVE my dress?!?! It is so comfy and soft and ooooooh so pretty! I got all dressed and I felt so beautiful. This was it. I was going to be sealed, to my sweetheart, for time and all eternity. We walked up the stairs together and everything seemed to look different. It wasn't the temple I had known all my life (since I was 12). It just felt different that day. Good different, but almost foreign. I don't know why, but I was alright.
There were beautiful parts of the ceremony that are seared in my heart, forever.
We were able to sit in the Celestial Room for a tiny bit, which gave me time to teach my first name to the temple sealer. Of all the things I wanted that day, I wanted someone who could pronounce my name. After about 10 minutes of talking with him, it was time. I was friggin' hot and sweaty, so was my poor Levi. It was just so dang hot and humid that day!!! Wearing layers upon layers of clothes doesn't help a situation. Then it was time.
I tried to remember every single word spoken in the ceremony. Although I can't discuss it all, I remember how I felt. My sweetheart was going to be mine, forever. I wanted to cry. I was happy and over the moon about it. I wished with all my heart that my parents could have been there with us. I wish my sister was sitting by me. I wished my Kuku & Tutu could have had front row seats for it all. But that's ok, the most important thing was that we were being sealed for time, and all eternity.
It was the most exquisite and most serene ceremony I had ever been a part of.
Afterwards we were able to hug everyone that came. I absolutely LOVED that part! I loved embracing everyone who came. I wish I could have had at least 5 minutes with each person because they all meant so much to me, and to us.
After we hugged everyone, we were talking with our witnesses, Jordan & Travis. I expressed to them, with all the love in my heart, how truly grateful I was for their missions. I will forever be grateful for their missionary service because they helped give me eternity with my sweetheart. Their eyes were wet and there was just so much love in that sealing room. My heart was full.
And just like that, it was over. It happened so quickly. I wish I took a moment longer to really look at everyone in our company that day. I know I didn't because I was already so close to crying so many, MANY times and I was trying hard NOT to be a bawling, bumbling mess that day. As for our actual wedding day, 3 years prior, I was a mess. I was crying from the second I walked down the aisle to the second I walked out of there. I was a nervous, anxious mess. I promised Levi that I would do better this time around and I think I did him proud. Nonetheless, thank heavens for water-proof mascara!
Wow, it was over in about 20 minutes. Something so lovely, and grand and just awesome was over before I knew it. My heart wanted to just stay in the sealing room. Eternity was given to us and I just wanted to relish in the wonder of it all.
My beautiful, selfless best friend of a husband was and is mine for eternity. My cup runneth o'er.
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
11 sleeps.
Monday, January 23, 2017
Days like this...
Monday, November 9, 2015
"He Gave Me Space and Let Me Fly"
“He Gave Me Space and Let Me Fly”
Church magazines: Why has your marriage been so happy for so long?
President Hinckley: The basis of a good marriage is mutual respect—respect for one another, a concern for the comfort and well-being of one another. That is the key. If a husband would think less of himself and more of his wife, we’d have happier homes throughout the Church and throughout the world.
Church magazines: Sister Hinckley, you have said that your husband “always let me do my own thing. He never insisted that I do anything his way, or any way, for that matter. From the very beginning he gave me space and let me fly.” 1 How has he done that?
Sister Hinckley: He never tells me what to do. He just lets me go. He has made me feel like a real person. He has encouraged me to do whatever makes me happy. He doesn’t try to rule or dominate me.
Church magazines: President, you have said: “Some husbands regard it as their prerogative to compel their wives to fit their standards of what they think to be the ideal. It never works.” 2How have you avoided doing this with Sister Hinckley?
President Hinckley: I’ve tried to recognize my wife’s individuality, her personality, her desires, her background, her ambitions. Let her fly. Yes, let her fly! Let her develop her own talents. Let her do things her way. Get out of her way, and marvel at what she does.
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I've always loved this article on President & Sister Hinckley. It is from the October 2003 Ensign. I've been thinking about it, a lot, recently. It makes me think of how my sweetheart treats me in the same fashion. I'm lucky, really.
I can be a restless person. I'm always thinking, my mind is on to the next project or task at hand. I like to march to the beat of my own drum. I don't like to sit still a whole lot. No, I don't have ADD/ADHD. I like things done a certain way, usually my way. [Definitely still a learning process in marriage :) ] Lately, I've been thinking a lot of how to make our place more of our home. Through all of this, I'm lucky to have a good man by my side that lets me be. I think I consider this a blessing just because of how life was for my maternal grandmother (Tutu) and how life can sometimes be for my Mom. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but my maternal grandfather (Kuku) was very dominant. I think it took a toll on my Tutu and left an impression on my Mom. I never wanted to easily give into being a submissive wife. I think I live in an entirely different era as my Mom and Tutu; times are much different now. I feel like I have this wild spirit to speak my mind and do what makes me happy. I am blessed to have a strong partner who encourages my talents and supports my dreams & goals. He listens to me and considers my opinions. I respect him as the head of our family and in turn, he treats me as his equal. He gives me space and lets me fly, to which I am most grateful.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Officially Mrs. B!
Luckily, Levi said that it was a momentous occasion and we needed to celebrate. His happiness made me happy that I finally made this change! Off we went to The Cheesecake Factory! It was our first time there and we were lucky to have gift cards to use! Even better!! :) It was a fun dinner! It's always so nice to try something new w/ him! We love our adventures, big & small!
This morning, I was able to finish up the name change process. I got up early to get over to the DMV. It only took an hour and a half. Then headed over to finish off the rest of the name change stuff. It's kinda trippy. I'm not gonna lie, after I walked out of the SS office yesterday and saw it on paper, it hit me pretty hard. I was excited, happy, sad, nervous, ecstatic, etc. I was feeling all kinds of emotions. Sharing the same last name as my husband, makes me feel more united with him. Part of me feels like I'm leaving my family and an old life. It's a lil tough to not share the same last name as my parents now, but that's what comes with growing up & moving forward in life. I'll tell you one thing, man, I need to practice my new signature. Now I'm officially a Mrs.! I mean, I have been since August, but now I'm really Mrs. B! I have a wallet full of cards that can prove it too! Trippy!! But exciting, oh so exciting!!
Monday, January 26, 2015
#mancrushmonday.
With school starting tonight, it makes me a little bummed that I won't get to have him in the evenings, until June. I have truly loved getting off of work and coming home to him. I feel like I've been spoiled during this winter break. Being married to him, is like having a sleepover every single night with your best friend and knowing that the fun will continue tomorrow, the next day and every day after that.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Three Months.

Sunday, October 12, 2014
The Quiet Life.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Daaaaang....time flies!!
Saturday, July 19, 2014
T-minus TWO WEEKS!
I had a pretty mean migraine on Wednesday. I had my two computer screens switched out for larger ones and they happened to be extremely bright. I didn't quite realize it was that bright until I had Chuy take a look at it. I just figured that's how the screens always were. Ugh. Awful night. Stupid extra strength Tylenol did nothing for me. I got up at 4am, took an Aleve and started to feel better instantly! I've had a small lingering headache for the last couple days, which only makes sense since my period started. Now I just want to sleep and lounge around all weekend. I'm so physically tired, yet there's so much to do.
I can't believe that our wedding weekend will be here in TWO WEEKS!! 15 days from now, I'll be married!!! Part of me feels overwhelmed, but yet I just can't wait. I'm excited, anxious, stoked, thrilled and everything good under the sun. I get to marry the man who makes my life a million times more happier, lovelier, richer and funnier. Every day, he gives me a reason to love him 10x more than the day before. Today he knows that it's been a doozy for me and he got us pizza for lunch. Pizza, my most favorite meal on earth! To thank him for it, I stopped by 7-11 before he got home w/ the pizza.
He's just so good to me. I never dreamt that I'd get this lucky. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. Thank you Heavenly Father for blessing me so abundantly.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Love!
*I thought about how much I love this man. How he's become my best friend, my partner in crime, my truest confidant, the one I show all of my weaknesses to, my sweetheart that I share my dreams and desires with and the only one I want to spend the rest of my life and eternity with. I'm so lucky to begin and end my day, with him by my side.
*I thought about how much I love LOVE! I can't wait for Valentine's Day. A day to show and give LOVE to everyone!
*I thought about how everyone deserves to be loved. I'm excited for my dear friend Eidde and the opportunity he has this weekend to marry his dear Joe. How exciting for them! I look forward to celebrating their love, this Saturday!
*Then I thought, "Damn, I want some tender lovin' kisses!" So I swung by Levi's work to drop off a Blueberry scone and squeeze him oh so tight! That was definitely the highlight of my day! Oh I love that man so much!
Saturday, July 13, 2013
What I want my children to know...
*I want them to know how special they are to Levi & I. I want them to know that we consider ourselves the luckiest parents on earth, because we get to have front row seats to their extraordinary existence. I want them to know that they'll always be able to talk to us, because we want to help them in whatever way possible. We'll try to be their best friends, but first and foremost we'll always be their parents.
*I want them to know that home will always be a safe haven from the cruel and insensitive world. "Homes are for free expression, not for good impression." I want them to feel safe, and know that they are always welcome and wanted there.
*I want them to know who they are, why they're here and where they're going. I want them to know that they are children of a loving Heavenly Father, who wants them to live righteous lives and return to Him.
*I want them to know to know their self worth, to grow up to become caring, sensitive, intelligent individuals. I want them to know that they can achieve anything they set their mind & heart to. And if they ever fall short, I want them to know that there's always a way back up.
*Above all else, I want them to know how much they are loved. I want them to thoroughly know it and believe it. I want them to know that I will love them from the second they're conceived, until well into the eternities. I want them to know that love and affection will be given in high doses, even when they're teenagers who get embarrassed by their "uncool" parents. I never want them to doubt how much their parents love them, because I will do my very best to show them love and understanding, most especially when they need it the most.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Fiancé & Fianceé
My beloved and I returned back from our Disney adventures today. As I upload all the photos right now, I just can't help but think of what an AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING weekend its been. It's been PERFECT. I loved it all, with this man. There were small hiccups along the way, (like rides breaking down at California Adventure park) but nothing worth fretting over.
I'll just get to the VERY good part, the most memorable part that I'll cherish in my heart forever.
We spent about 8 hours at Disneyland, took a break for dinner and shopping, then headed back for the evening firework show. A few minutes after we arrived and found a spot, it started. I LOVE fireworks! My eyes always glisten over just a bit and I'm captivated by the pretty sights and accompanying music. Of course it was all Disney songs, so hearing lyrics like, "A dream is a wish your heart makes...", "I can show you the world...", and "Rest your head close to my heart" makes a sappy romantic, such as myself, blissful and euphoric!
We talked about possibly riding more rides, but just thought it'd be nice to take it easy. Sleeping Beauty's castle was all lit up and looked magical against the night time sky. We made our way towards it, but it was roped off temporarily until the Disneyland "Cast Members" received safety approval from the firemen crews, following the firework show. Levi thought it'd be nice to take some photos in front of the castle and I thought it was nice that he was nice enough to ask approval from one of the cast members. We waited about 5-10 minutes and every so often a cast member would pop by to reassure us that it would be any minute and they'd let us through.
I kept wondering, "Why is Levi so calm about waiting? I mean, it's a great photo opportunity, but we could always come back after riding Indiana Jones...no big deal." Yet we waited and entertained ourselves by taking our own photos in the meanwhile...


Still, we waited around and I wasn't sure what to really say because Levi was so cool about the whole situation. Soon after a head cast member came over and let us in....just the two of us. I was wondering how he was able to score such a cool opportunity, just us two in front of the castle. It was rather dark, and the Disney photographers were trying to tell us exactly where to stand. With everyone else roped back, there were A LOT of people waiting to also take their photos in the very spot we were standing.{..no pressure, right?!}. Right when the photographers were about to shoot our photo, Levi said his shoe was untied, which I thought, "Again?? That's weird!" and when I looked down at him, he was muttering something til I realized what he was really saying... {I'll try to get it right, but crying and in shock doesn't help my memory}...holding up a lit up box with two rings in it...
"Ehu....(my full name), I've had an amazing 9 months together with you and I would like to spend forever with you..."
I just remember correcting him on the number of months, and I remember him saying "forever"... I remember responding with a "YES!", but I think with all the people cheering, he couldn't quite hear my response. He was still down on one knee and I wondered why he didn't get up, so with A LOT of tears streaming down my face, I ecstatically exclaimed "OF COURSE!! YES SWEETHEART!!!", then he got up and we hugged and kissed...
I just couldn't believe it!!! I kinda had a feeling it was going to happen sometime in the near future, but I never would have dreamt that it would take place at such a perfect place and time! I was in shock!! I wanted to cry, so much.... this man asked ME to marry HIM!!! Wow!!! I cried....We hugged...I cried...we got our photo taken....
Please excuse my face, CRYING + ECSTATIC does not equal PHOTOGENIC. Whereas he looks wonderful, as always. We walked around for a minute or two, but between shock and wanting to bawl, I needed to sit down. My head and emotions were all over the place. I just couldn't believe it!! This man, who loves me and overlooks my imperfections, wants to spend the rest of his life with ME! He reassured me and I cried even more.
I was in such disbelief that I could (and DID!) find a man that would be SO perfect for me! He's strong when I am weak, he's patient when I want to unravel, he wants me to live up to my potential and always be myself. How incredibly lucky am I?!?!? We sat on that bench behind us for about 30 more minutes, til we had to celebrate by doing something! So off we went to Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blaster ride...then Autopia. Yep, we do it upright! :) We grabbed a mint sundae from Dreyer's and scooted off to the Disney photo shop for our pictures. The nice cashier gave us pins to celebrate our engagement:
I'm still in shock. It hasn't even been 24 hours, and I love this man more than ever. Sometimes, when I look at him now, I can't help but think, "This man is going to be my HUSBAND!" How lucky am I, that I get to love him forever and what a blessing it is to be the one loved by him. I never dreamt that I'd get this lucky....but I did!!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Inquiring minds want to know....
However....
Continual inquiries about a future engagement are becoming bothersome. I don't like the prodding inquiries because I feel like it puts Levi in a compromising position. Maybe it's my defensive side that comes out, that wants to protect Levi from uncomfortable situations. Of course, I know he can handle any situation, but I just don't like the pressure that comes from such prodding. Maybe these well-wishers don't realize that it's only been 4.5 months since we started dating. Thankfully, Levi & I both feel that that would be way too soon to get engaged, and I'm perfectly ok with that. Nothing's wrong with just dating....because to tell you the truth, I'm having tons of fun and falling more in love with my Levi.
When the time is right.... Patience, my grasshopper friends.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Thank you Elder Howard.
As I've been dating Levi, sometimes I receive very personal and prying questions from well-intentioned friends and acquaintances. I can usually joke out of the question at hand and change the topic. Had I never listened to this talk by Elder Howard, I think I would have giddly divulged a lot details of my relationship with Levi. However, I learned an invaluable lesson from the following talk and wanted to share it with you, if you have never read/listened to it before. I promise you that this definitely worth the read. I LOVE the story about the silverware, most especially the part in purple text.
Eternal Marriage
F. Burton Howard
Of the First Quorum of the Seventy

If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. … It becomes special because you have made it so.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Facebook Friday, I guess?
*Today is my very dearest best friend, StephyPooh's birthday!! She's amazing, she really is! Anyone would be so lucky to know her and have her as a friend! I feel so blessed.
*I started a group on Facebook, "Mormon Battalion Photos!". I've always wanted to see a collection of these photos:
*Tomorrow evening, my friend Ang is celebrating her 25th birthday! She's a fun girl that just so happens to make some VERY delicious Mexican food! I'm excited for a very fun time!
*The more I think about church, the more I feel like I should go back to my family ward. I feel like I can't be as active as I'd like to be. We'll see how I feel after this Sunday & Monday's FHE. .
*Bub & his fiancee, Sissy drove back to Utah last night. It was so much fun having both of them here! My heart misses Bub, but I've learned a lot in the last several months. I haven't always thought the nicest thoughts about his fiancee. She didn't really give me any reason to, but my overbearing mind and overprotective heart consumed the best of me. She is a very warm, kind, generous and loving young woman. She makes my Bub happy beyond a doubt and fills his heart & life with love. They treat each other with tenderness and respect. I've learned a lot while watching them and I've been humbled. I couldn't have ever dreamed of someone as (dare I say...) perfect for him, like she is. I wish them the very best of love & happiness.....Heaven knows they deserve it. Monday, January 30, 2012
Head above water....barely.
I feel like I just can't win. Clearly, something's gonna have to give. Do I want to marry in the temple for all eternity? Yes, I do. The possibility of that happening with an LDS man, slim to none. So what's it gonna be? Something's gotta give, because clearly, holding out for an eternal marriage isn't ever gonna happen. I cannot stand living alone anymore. I'm done.
My patriarchal blessing says that it'll happen at the "appropriate time". WHEN THE EFF IS THAT?!?! Because at the times when I thought it was "appropriate", when all my ducks were in a row, it never happened. Is "appropriate time" after death when I can be sealed to someone? I just can't stand being alone anymore. Does God not know how I feel? Does He not care that I'm barely holding on by a string? Am I asking too much to just be thrown a bone? Something in the glimmer of hope that I won't die alone? AM I ASKING TOO DAMN MUCH?!!
Right now, I'm tired of going to church. I'm tired of seeing families all around, hearing about "eternal families", taking care of other people's kids while realizing that I may never get to experience that, in this lifetime. I barely have my head above water and I'm struggling because I'm going through a lot of life experiences that I never thought I'd have to deal with. I don't know what more to do? I just wanna throw my hands up in the air because I'm out of solutions. I try to do good and choose the right, but it only qualifies me for more trials. I don't want more trials, I want something in the form of a good blessing. Something to enjoy. Gosh, I just wish the load of life was just a lil easier to bear. I wish there was something GOOD in my life, just something....or someone. I just want to love someone special and be loved in return.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Dating, Marriage and Hope.
Well, as previously mentioned, I'm in a Singles adult ward (no longer in a young single adult ward). From talking with friends, I hope I don't "retire" from another ward. I've been thinking a lot about dating & marriage.
I'm tired of being single. I envy my friends who are married with kids... oh how I wish I could be living that life and feeling like I'm actually accomplishing the purpose of this life. Sometimes I wonder, "Do my married friends feel sorry/pity on me because I'm not married with children, like they are?" A couple of my married friends say they wish they could trade places with me; single, free to come & go with ease, do whatever I want, etc. I guess the 'grass seems greener on the other side.'
I'd really like to experience marriage, in this lifetime. I'd like to experience motherhood and the blessing of pregnancy, feeling life growing within me. I'm tired of being alone. I miss being in a relationship, having someone by your side is an amazing feeling. What do I miss the most about being in a relationship? Geez, where do I begin? I miss those 'inside' jokes. I miss someone who just 'gets me', because that means a lot to me... where I don't have to explain why I do/say stuff because they just know me so well. I miss physical affection, people need to be touched. I learned a lot about that while in massage college. It's true. People need hugs and just good physical touch (I don't necessarily mean sex, I'm sure that's good too... I wouldn't know, yet). I miss holding hands, having a warm arm around me, a safe & secure arm to hold while walking, the closeness of two faces, allowing/desiring someone to be in your 'personal space', a good guy hug, cuddling... I crave [good] physical touch. I miss the closeness, security and intimacy a relationship provides. I miss sharing my most tender feelings and deepest thoughts, allowing myself to trust someone enough to be vulnerable. Most of all, I miss saying, "I love you" and knowing you mean it more than when you say it to all others in your life.
I really miss being in a serious relationship. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to be in one, again. Part of me says 'no' because I want to offer him my very best self. I want to give him the best me; physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, intellectually and all other "-ly's". There are some areas that I know I can and should improve on. Of course I'd want to give my best self because I'm hoping that there's a man out there that has those same intentions, as well. I hope I get to be married in the temple, someday. Honestly, I'm getting a little sick and tired of being the lone single at so many church activities and friends' events. As much as I LOVE going to the temple, it seems like everyone there has on a wedding ring. :( I just wonder, "When is it going to be my turn?" I hate thinking that question because it brings tears to my eyes, every time. I also wonder, "Did I somehow raise my hand in the pre-mortal existence agreeing to live a life without marriage and children???" I get tired praying about it, because I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. I know that all things are done in the Lord's time and will, but I have a hard time convincing my poor heart. I wish I could just know with a surety if I'm to be married in this lifetime or not. I can't help but sigh and try to put it in the furthest part of my mind and heart, put a smile on my face and try to be okay with it all....because quite honestly, I'm not. I can't convince my heart any more because it hurts trying to hope for something that doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen. Will I forever be 'aunt Ehu who never got married'? I think I just might be. Oh well.

























