Lately, I've had this great desire and longing to hold a baby. I have no idea where it's exactly coming from?! I guess since BabyChleo isn't a baby any longer, I'm going through withdrawals.. Most of my friends kids are now toddlers. As I was going through some old photos today, I came acoss this lil gem of my niece. She was such a beautiful baby! I always imagined that my babies would someday look like her. Just like her brothers, she smelled so deliciously cute, as a baby!! Maybe I feel my biological clock ticking away? I would love to be a Mom. I would love to experience pregnancy and the wonder of life growing within. Oh how I would enjoy every moment of looking into my baby's sweet face and know that they're mine, forever....that they're both me and my husband, combined. I imagine all the songs I would sing, as I rocked them to sleep. Oh I miss the sweet aroma of a baby!! Man...... I really, really, really, want to hold a baby.
*Sometimes, I think I live like a nomad. Since I've been home from my mission, 8 years ago, I feel like I'm always on the move. Because of that, I haven't had the biggest need for a TV. I don't watch it much, and in fact, I don't even own one. Nor do I have the internet, right now. I mean, I have it through my phone, but it's not the biggest necessity to me. I kinda like not needing a whole lot of media in my life. Oh yeah, and I still have to find the code for my car radio. Til I do, I listen to Pandora on my phone. I think I live under a rock when it comes to tv, movies & music. Eh, I'm ok with that.
*Since last Tuesday, Sonny asked me 4 times if I was going to go to the ward Softball game this past Tuesday. OF COURSE, I was going to go....most especially since he asked me!! :) So glad I went! A group of us went to eat afterwards and I just happened to score the seat in front of him. My gosh, I like his face!! Seriously, I like watching him speak, because I enjoy watching the way his mouth moves. Not to mention how I'm a SUCKER for blue eyes!! Oh man, I'm in heaven every time I see this man. SWOOOOON!!! He's such a funny guy, oh he makes me laugh! He was a lot more talkative than last Tuesday, which was great because I was in total introvert mode. He was even a lil cocky at one point and that was a nice lil change up. Yes, I really really like this guy. Uzzzzzzz.
*I'm lovin' this song! Oh the lyrics couldn't ring more true, right now.
*Hermanita will be home in less than a month!! LESS. THAN. A MONTH.!!!! I cannot wait!!!! She is such an AWESOME friend and I couldn't be more pleased to have her here, from her mission! To be able to talk with her face to face for hours on end!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
*I haven't been blogging much lately, due to lack of internet. I've been writing a lot more in my journal again. Oh I love it! I've missed writing in a journal! I love thinking of how much it could mean to my posterity, someday. I would have loved to have read a journal from my ancestors, or even my own Tutu (grandmother).
*Father's Day was lovely. I had a great time with my Dad and family. I pulled out some old photos and the kids really enjoyed looking at pictures of them as babies and toddlers! Time surely flies!! I appreciate my Dad and all that he's done and continues to do for me. In the last couple years, I've become more sensitive to those without fathers, whatever the reason may be. I know I won't have too many more years with him, so I need to appreciate every moment I get to spend with him. I found this photo amongst old books. Oh my Dad was quite a looker! I see a lot of resemblances between me and him. I know one thing's for sure, we're both pretty "tenacious" [read: hard headed]. I'm ok with that, just goes to show how much we're really related. Oh I love him.
Yeah, so I kinda got overwhelmed and had a V [vent] session on my blog, in my last post. I was really bummed about it, but I shouldn't have been. I'm grateful for my friends and their encouraging comments! Maybe this is why I worked at an attorney service for so long, so it could help me not feel so inferior to such individuals.
After my last blogged, I turned to LDS.org and found an awesome talk on, "Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy". My favorite quote was this...
"We ignore or downplay our strengths and abilities, just at the time we should be recognizing and applying them."
It's true. I was comparing my weaknesses to another's strengths....not fair! So I need to NEVER do that again, stop shortchanging myself...because after all, I am pretty awesome and I am pretty blessed.
I was at my cousin's house today and we got to talking about Sonny. My cousin's in his Dad's ward, so he knows Sonny's family. He was giving me a lil run down about them. Of course, he said that they're all really nice but I wasn't ready for him to tell me that they're ALLlawyers!!! All of them, even his Dad!!! All his siblings and all of their spouses!
WTF.
And they're all pretty athletic and over six feet tall.
I'm brown, round and short. I can't like someone like Sonny, I can't compare with stats like that. I would never want to meet a family like that. I'd feel so inadequate. It's bad enough that I already feel inferior to Sonny because he's an extraordinary athlete and he's just so dang good looking! How could he even bring someone home like me?
Yeah, so maybe I'm freaking out over nothing, but man, I just feel so intimidated and inadequate. What does someone like me really have to offer to someone like him? or anyone for that matter?
Today has been quite a TERRIFIC Tuesday!! I started off the day talking to Mama McK! Oh my heart swells with love for that woman!! I miss her dearly and always look forward to any chance I hear from her. She is truly heaven sent for my life. I had Softball practice tonight and thought it was gonna be ok. Well, it sucked at first because I felt like I was shagging balls the whole time. I was just growing aggravated by the second. Tat and Darci weren't there and I was stuck with one of my loud, obnoxious friends. I just wanted a friend there because I felt lame. I barely made eye contact with Sonny. I kinda kept my distance and I just had it with him mispronouncing my name (It's A-Who, not E-Who), so I finally told him my "knock knock" joke. He knew that I wasn't all too please with him and I felt kinda bad that he could sense it. Practice got a lot better once Darci showed up. Afterwards, as Tat, Darci and I were walking to the car, I told her that I thought we were going to go eat. She whipped around and started running towards Sonny's car. She ran to invite him, for me. Can I just say, how much my heart swelled with love and appreciation for her?! We were talking with Sonny right after practice, and I was too nervous and bashful to even look in his direction. {Softball tends to humble me, plus with all of his positive encouragement and optimism, how could I really be upset with him?? Besides, he is SO DANG CUTE!!!} So off we went to In-n-Out.... Dang Tat got lost twice and I was getting worried by the second that Sonny would end up taking off. When we finally got there, he was already eating. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) Luckily, he stuck around and talked with us while we ate. Yeah, it basically looked like a double date. I LOOOOOOOOOOOVED talking with Sam. It was just nice to be in a relaxed atmosphere. Somewhere where I didn't feel inferior to him. He's a really funny guy and, as always, I love watching the way his mouth moves when he speaks. I found out a lil more about him. He's so extremely patient and that just makes me like him even more. We talked about Sunday and he even asked if my FB status was about him. I felt terrible, but I answered him honestly and said it was him and a couple other people. We talked about other stuff as well, but my ALL TIME favorite part from this evening, is when it turned into "Show & Tell". His arms are MASSIVE!!!!!! I even asked him to flex and oh my heavens, I was in heaven!!! I went to touch it and it was just HUGE!!!!!!! Seriously, I've never seen, nor touched a bicep bigger than that!!! He even let me punch him in the arm. Yeah... and that's when the girly girl Ehu suddenly appeared!!! It's VERY RARE when that side of me comes out, in fact, I hardly show that side to friends. I was so timid and shy to punch his arm and didn't want to hurt him {of course I wasn't going to hurt him at all, his arm was a rock!!!!} In fact, my fist stung a little after I punched him. Seriously, I couldn't stop touching him....this man's body is rockin'!! I even got to hug him and I liked the way I felt (kinda) little against his rock hard chest.
SWOON!!!
We discussed Sunday's events and his "intense face". He promised to have a huge cheesy smile for me whenever he sees me at church. I liked the fact that he was impressed that I served a mission.
I just might enjoy attending this ward, after all.... :)
Yesterday, I took my friend Darci to church. As always, it's nice to have a friend to sit with at church. Since we both play on the same Softball team with Sonny, she wanted to go over and talk to him (to give him a hard time for a bruise that happened at our last practice.) I wasn't really in the mood to talk to him because I was still embarrassed from our game, the day before. However, I did need to talk to him in regards to next week's Family Home Evening, since we'll be playing Softball. {I just can't escape this game! I'm gonna improve one way or another!} He started to stand up as I was trying to tap on his back....which ended up inches above his butt. He turned around and looked extremely pissed. I started to regret tapping him...or even being near him, for that matter. I tried to keep it short and asked if I could talk to him after church. He mumbled something in agreement and walked away. I felt stupid for even bothering him, but yet I couldn't help but wonder why he looked so annoyed. Darci said that others around him also looked annoyed. Really?? Annoyed at church...what's up?! I couldn't shake the thought during Sunday School, so I turned to Facebook and changed my status to:
"I wonder why some people look and act annoyed, at church :("
Maybe I've become extra sensitive now, since I like Sonny. After church, as I was walking out of the women's restroom, (Darci was in front of me, and Ame was still at the mirror) I turned and saw Sonny at the end of the hallway. I tried to sneak back into the restroom. I didn't want to talk to him anymore, not at all! I couldn't sneak back fast enough and he called out for me. I was timid and could barely even hear my voice. I just wanted to be anywhere but in that hallway. I tried to make it quick, but it wasn't working. However, he maintained eye contact a lil more than usual. I was practically eye to eye with him, since I was wearing wedges. It ended up being a decent conversation and he was nice again. At one point, when I changed the topic from FHE to our Softball team, I grabbed his arm {bicep}. Oh I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when you touch a guy's arm, and then they flex a split second later! I can't help but chuckle because I always feel the difference between a flexed and unflexed arm. So obvious!! Well, Sonny happened to do that and MAN OH MAN, his arm was so big!!! I mean, it was big already, but once he flexed it, it was HUGE!!! And SO defined!!! My face was so warm, and I'm sure I turned red!! Oh my gosh, he suddenly got a million times hotter!! I have no idea how I finished that conversation because my mind was racing and thinking how hot this man is!!
On the drive home, Darci told me that she commented on my FB status as well as someone else....
"Sorry Ehu, it was probably me. I always look intense when I'm at church. But I normally have good intentions. :)"
It was from Sonny. I kinda felt bad that he caught that, because I didn't think he read things on my FB. Yikes. But I'm glad he felt the need to apologize. We'll see if I talk to him again at church. I really don't want a repeat of his "intense" look again. I just wish I knew him better. With that said, I'll be seeing him tomorrow at Softball. Wish me luck.
((Ok.....now for my friend Ame....))
I went on a date last night (Sunday night). It was with this guy I've been talking to. We'll call him Pokemon. Well he told me he was a nerd, but I didn't realize how literal he meant it. Just because he's into comics, Sci-Fi movies, Comic-Con, & Halo, didn't exactly mean that he was a nerd, right? Wrong. That's basically his whole life. In fact, he's already planning his Pokemon Trainer/Ash Ketchum costume!! He was so proud of the Pokemon catcher he made, that he brought it to our date, last night. Oh, have I mentioned that he's 26 years old and never been kissed!! He wasn't exactly my type...no I take that back, he wasn't my type at all. I couldn't turn down his request of a date, I would have felt terrible. Well, I had to push the date back by a half hour and figured I'd go ahead and eat dinner (thinking he'd do the same, since it was past the dinner hour). Well, he didn't eat, so while we were at the Coronado Ferry Landing, he went ahead and bought himself some food. I thought it was a lil rude that he didn't offer to at least buy me a drink, when I insisted that he eat, even though I wasn't going to. Was I wrong to think that? Nor did he offer to let me taste it. Maybe it's just me, but I would have offered it to him, if the roles were reversed. His jokes were LAME!!! I couldn't pity laugh anymore, I was socially exhausted. He told me he was nervous, but I tried to put him at ease. While he was ordering his food, I looked around and saw a movie poster for, Goodfellas. I asked if he'd ever seen it and he quickly said, no. Then with a self righteous tone, he asked me if I'd ever seen, Deep Space Nine. I said, "no", and he snapped back saying, "See, same difference!!" I was beyond myself....who the hell acts like that?! I was just trying to make conversation. It was obvious that he was socially awkward and it was going to be an odd night. The only thing that kept me sane on this date, was thinking of Sonny's arm, from earlier in the day. It was like pulling teeth trying to talk to him. On the phone, it was great, but in person, it SUCKED!!! No personality at all. I feel sorry for the guy. I think he needs a Hitch in his life, someone to coach him a lil about the ins and outs of dating & women. He was kinda nice, but just very inexperienced, he was like a boy in a man's body. I hope he gets kissed soon....26 and a VL....poor guy.
