Sunday Night Dreams.

Last night, I had a dream that I was holding a baby girl (probably about 6 months old).  She was so adorable, precious and beautiful.  She was very light skinned, practically all Haole {Caucasian}.  She was just the perfect amount of chubbiness…I LOVED it!!!  She had to have been my daughter because I was just so in love with her.  I remember the love I had for her…it was unfeigned, and my heart wanted to burst at the seams.  I wanted the very best for her and to care for her every need.  I remember holding her so tenderly, so softly and more gentle than any other baby I had ever held in my life.  It was such a beautiful feeling.  My heart was spilling over with all the love I have ever experienced, in my entire life.  It was just so exquisite and too beautiful for words to ever describe.  

I look forward to the day I get to hold my very own son or daughter.  Until then, I will imagine that splendid feeling from my fascinating dream. 

Softball shots.

Just thought I'd share a few photos from Wednesday night's church softball game.  

I've gotta say, I think stop action sports photos are amongst my favorite types of photo shoots.  I love when I can get a terrific stop action shot, as well as capturing the facial expression of an athlete!  

Then when I get such great shots, I can't help but be even more grateful for my awesome camera! 

Thank you Levi ♥

{enjoy the photos!}

Photography, my passion.

I should be sleeping...but I'm wide awake.
I need to be sleeping, because I've gotta be out the door and at work by about 8:30am.

But right now, my mind is stuck on photography.
I love photography.  It's a passion of mine and it's just so great getting back into the swing of things.

And man, it's just so awesomely sweet when you get a great shot at sunset!
It makes me ponder what type of classes I want to take when I go back to school, in January.
There's just so much about photography that I love!
I love how it captures a moment in time, that will never be repeated.
I love the beauty of a well composed photo.
Especially when the colors are just right, or the shades of black & white blend perfectly together.

I think what I love the most about photography, is really noticing your surroundings a lot more than most.  Not taking another second for granted, because good light can disappear so quickly.  I don't know how to adequately express my love for photography....it's just that drive and desire to capture the beauty of life, all around.  Perhaps, that is what I love the most about it.

Belated Birthday for Bub!

It's hard to believe that 21 years have flown by!! Where does the time go?!? 

My 2nd oldest nephew, Bub, turned 21 this past Monday.  I still remember the days following his birth.  Falling in love with him, once he could come home from the hospital.  I remember how big and broad his chest was, for a newborn.  I remember how delicious he smelled as a baby,  then the cute lil toddler he grew up to be.  He was cute, but MAN was he determined to do things his way!  Seems to me, he's never grown out of that.

He was always my pal, in our family.  He was the one who was chill and just all around funny to be with.  Our senses of humor were pretty similar, so it was always easy to crack jokes together....and also gang up on his oldest brother (sorry, Sim).  However, because we got along so well, we also knew what it took to push each others' buttons.  But by morning, things would be resolved after I'd blindly find him and ask him to find my glasses that went missing in the middle of the night.  After a while, he knew that if I was squinting and looking for him, he knew exactly what needed to be done.  Out of my 3 nephews, I trusted him with this task because I knew he wouldn't accidentally break my glasses or give up after 2 seconds.  Even now, I miss living under the same roof, when I wake up and can't find my glasses...like this past Saturday morning,

In fact, I miss living under the same roof with him.  I miss having someone to joke with, someone tall to get things above my head and just all around someone chill to just sit in silence with.  Heck, I think I just miss living in the same city as him.  I wish with all my heart I could turn back time, even to 3 years ago, when we'd spend our summer days going to Institute classes and doing "Minute to Win it" challenges while laughing our heads off!  Time flies and babies grow up...then they get married.  I'm glad he's found someone to love and that loves him in return.  I think I like this photo best, from his wedding, because he looks exactly how I always wish him to be; happy, joyful, in love and with the love of his life by his side.  I wish him every bit of happiness. Heaven knows he deserves that, and more!

Happy Birthday Bub, it's been a pleasure watching you grow up into the handsome, daring & comical young man that you've become.  I love you more than you'll ever know.♥

2:35 makes it ALL worth it!

I watched this the other day, and laughed so hard, I felt like I did about 1000 sit-ups!!!  2:35 til the end is HILARIOUS!! Seriously, I probably watched it at least 10 times!!!  Oh man....ENJOY!!

Ten.

I always try to post something sentimental for each of the months we've been dating.  I didn't quite get to it, last Saturday.  
I've come to realize, in a very real and sweet sense, that he's definitely my best friend.  I can tell him anything and everything.  Sometimes, it's rather difficult for me, but he listens and doesn't judge.  I trust him completely.
I rather do all the fun and not so fun things with him.  This past week, he had to wait in a long line for the buffet we usually go to together.  He texted me while he was alone in line and suddenly, there was no other place that I wanted to be.  Even in an hour long wait of a line, I would rather be by his side than anywhere else.  We just have the best of times together!! After years of dating, I never thought I'd find someone I thoroughly enjoy being with 24/7. Ok, so we've never been together 24/7, but I have been around him for about 50 hours straight and LOVED every second!!!!  
Today, we spent the morning walking around the Kobey's Swap Meet. I haven't been there since I was a teenager.  Oh man, SO much more fun, just walking around with him.  Even while we were driving there, I kept trying to make a pact not to make him laugh, or just laugh in general.  Yeaaaaaah, that lasted a couple seconds!  I just can't help but laugh and I LOVE making him laugh...which makes me laugh even more!! I just have the best of times, with him. 
I can't help but think of how incredibly lucky I was to find someone to love, and also laugh with.  

My cup runneth o'er ♥

#pandalove

 Dude, I'm not gonna lie.... I WANT THIS!! 

I LOVED hugging it!! 

No one, over the age of 5, should look this happy to be hugging 

a stuffed panda!

But I was!!!!

I liked hugging it just as much I LOVE hugging Levi, in his panda costume. 

{I wonder what the odds are of him dressing up in his panda costume, on my birthday, so I can hug a panda?}

Week in review.

8/1 Thurs:  Went out to dinner with Levi & my folks.  It was a pleasant dinner and the lobster was DELISH! I don’t understand how some people don’t like seafood, not to mention lobster!  I love it!!  I don’t know if I could be friends with people that don’t like seafood.  That’s just odd to me.  It’s like not enjoying fresh air or something.  


8/2 Fri: SEA WORLD!!! SEA PANDAS!! {orca whales} I had a BLAST with Levi!  All of it was just SO. MUCH. FUN.!!! Plus it was tons of fun hangin’ outside, in gorgeous San Diego! Seriously, I love living here because it’s just so amazingly beautiful, all the time! People come here for their vacations and I’m so unbelievably LUCKY to live here!!! I LOVE it!!  We watched the Cirque de la Mer show and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!  It was like a circus, over the waters of Mission Bay!!!  As always, I totally enjoy the underwater tube of Shark Encounter!  Turtle Reef was a new experience, as well as the Sea Lion & Otter show.  

My fave has always been the Shamu show, which is kinda cooler at night…but it’s definitely changed a lot since I was a kid.  Trainers no longer enter the waters, for safety reasons, which is totally understandable.  I wanted to see more tricks, but it’s ok.  Levi knew Sea World like the back of his hand, and introduced me to the Shamu tank, down below.  I NEVER knew of such a thing and probably could have spent the entire night just watching the “Sea Pandas” swimming around!!! It was the COOLEST thing ever!!! I was like little kid, with my face pressed up against the plexiglass!!! They were just sleeping, but even just watching them bob up and down, and slightly flip over was so fascinating!!!!  Next time I go back, I’m probably gonna spend an hour or three just watching them!  Seriously.  
We watched the evening firework show from Shamu stadium {if you do that, watch ‘em from the left side of the stage--too many trees otherwise}.  The fireworks reminded us of our engagement night at Disneyland, following their evening fireworks show.  I got a lil emotional remembering that special night.  I asked Levi if there was going to be another sparkly ring following the fireworks…he laughed.  A LOT.  Can’t blame a girl for trying ;) 

8/3 Sat:  It was my niece Novee’s second softball game.  She scored the only point for the team……with a HOME RUN!!!!!!!  HOW FRIGGIN AWESOME IS SHE?!?!??!  I couldn’t have been more proud of my niece!!!!  She hit it all the way to the back fence and then ran like the wind!!!  I was too ecstatic while cheering to take any photos!!!  MVP right here, baby!! I hope she’s enjoying playing Softball because she’s pretty dang great! She hits VERY well, throws farther and more accurately than anyone else on the team and is fearless when catching the ball!  Hmm….MVP today, National Womens Softball team for the 2024 Olympics tomorrow?  Ok ok…..maybe that’s a lil far reaching, but I’m glad that she’s not only cute, kind, & funny, but that she’s athletic & fearless! Love this girl!  

8/4 Sun: I skipped church on Sunday. It was such a gorgeous day and I honestly didn’t want to find myself sitting through a lengthy Fast & Testimony meeting.  I have a very difficult time sitting through long road stories & people rambling on and on instead of bearing a testimony of the gospel.  Instead, I spent a very relaxing day with Levi and it couldn’t have been more perfect!  

8/5 Mon: Had dinner with Levi and it was SCRUMPTIOUS!!!  Prime rib, crab legs and yams are the way to my heart!! Divine!!  I just love spending time with my sweetheart, especially 5 days in a row!  

8/6 Tues:  I went to the (church) ward Softball game and took photos.  Riddle me this; why the heck do the men get to have both Basketball & Softball…and then women get NOTHING?!?!?  That really pisses me off.  Why can’t Softball be co-ed??? And then women get Volleyball??   ANYWAYS,  I got some great shots and kinda ran into an old friend from Institute classes that we had together about 2.5 years ago.  He got married about 2 years ago, but it was a lil awkward because I kept looking over at him and he seemed as though he didn’t even want to say hi, basically acting like we never knew each other.  I didn’t want to make it awkward, since he’s married, so I just gave up trying to say hi.  I sent him a friendly email, via Facebook, and he quickly responded saying that he wasn’t sure it was me and didn’t want to look like a stalker, staring across the field.  I figured it out; I probably look WAAAAAAY different now from when he knew me.  I met him right after I shaved my head, and Tuesday night I had long, braided hair and I was wearing my glasses.  It would have been cool to chat, but what a difference hair & glasses make! 

8/7 Wed: Man, I DO NOT enjoy Optometrist appointments, especially when I have to get my eyes dilated!  Luckily, Levi took me to my appointment so I wasn’t stranded.  I couldn’t be more grateful for him.  I wasn’t wearing my glasses, since I brought some sunglasses along with me….which basically meant I was blinded by the sun and just blind in general.   It gave me some perspective into my Dad’s sightless life, and the trust you need to have in those who guide you.  I’ll blog more about that later.  Costco, thank you for your SUPER NICE optometrist, Chicken Bakes & Churros!! 

8/8 Thurs:  Last night, my friend sent me a text: Hey, so what’s the plan for your birthday?  I still can’t believe that my birthday’s NEXT MONTH!! I have no idea why I get so excited for my birthday, maybe I really am a kid at heart?!  Dude, I’m gonna be 33.  Ugh…. I like 32, or any other smaller number.  I think I get ecstatic over the idea of celebrating a birthday; mine, yours, anyones…it’s someone’s special day, so I think it’s a big deal!  I think people need to feel important, special and all around loved on their birthday.  I’m not saying that because mine is coming up, but I always try to do something great for loved ones.  I guess after having so many terrible birthdays growing up, I never want someone’s special day to go un-specialized!  :)   Before my friend’s text, I had started to think of my list of Thank You cards that I like to give out on my birthday.  That has become one of my most favorite birthday traditions! I seriously love it so much!  I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, on my blog.  A couple years ago,  I wanted to express my heartfelt appreciation to those who made my life so spectacular, so I wrote Thank You cards and hand delivered them out on my birthday.  It caught all my friends off guard because they weren’t expecting to receive something on someone else’s birthday.  I think that’s why I also like doing it, it’s such a surprise.  Plus, I think people need to hear a good word or two, especially one of appreciation.  

Yep, that’s been my week….. Here’s looking to a lovely weekend!  

Atelophobia.

Today, I read a friend’s blog and learned about Atelophobia. 

Atelophobia: the fear of not being good enough or imperfection. 

At the end of her blog entry, she said, “But I can’t be the only one who feels this way about things?”  I thought about leaving a comment, but in actuality, this has been a thought of mine for the last few weeks.
I am/was a people pleaser…it comes and goes.  I grew up with my Mom always being comparing me to my brothers, friends, family, & neighbors.  Countless times I heard the line, “I already had my two boys, it was him (my Dad) that wanted a girl.”  So I already knew I wasn’t good enough.  It’s taken a HUGE toll on my self confidence.  I try to hide it and I try to do my very best to never believe the trash that’s kicked my way. I try to “fake it til I make it”, but that’s not always a solution.  These days, I consider the source and kick that trash to the curb. I am a VERY good daughter, and the best my parents will EVER have! {even though I‘m the only one}
I use to worry if I was a good enough Mormon. I’d compare my “have not’s” with others’ “have’s”, in the way of callings, talents, and accomplishments. I was hard on myself, I needed to give a 1000% in ALL things.  Dude, that was too much.  I laid on that “Mormon guilt” real thick, too thick, on myself.  I know how much service my family gave to the church, so I felt like I too had to go down that same path.   People can get burnt out real fast and that’s what it became for me.  At one point I had 5 callings.  Too much!!!  Church became more work, than worship.   I’ve come to terms with it.  All I have to do is be good enough for myself and my God.  I don’t have to go to ALL the ward activities.  I don’t pass out pass-along cards every day.  If I don’t want to go to church and spend it outside on a gorgeous day, or with loved ones…then I don’t go.  Do I feel guilty about it?  Nope, not in the least bit.  Do I care what others think about what I do or don’t do in the way of church?  Nah.  Do I like diet Coke? You bet your ass I do!  Do I support friends in callings and tasks at church? Absolutely.  
Speaking of friends…thankfully, I have never felt like a failure when it came to friendships.  I truly love my friends, and I’m pretty certain that they love me back.  I have always tried to be a true and loyal friend.   I will always try to be the best friend possible, to all my friends. 
Although, lately, I’ve worried if I’m good enough for my sweetheart Levi.  I can never adequately describe how much happiness he has brought to my life, heart and soul.  He spoils me to no end with his unconditional love,  undivided attention, endless patience, immeasurable wisdom and unceasing sense of humor.  I couldn’t have been luckier and more blessed to find this man.  I always hope that I reciprocate all the happiness he brings me.  {Thankfully, he reassures me that I do…and you know what, I believe him.  I know I make him happy!}  BUT, I can’t always worry about this concern and any other concerns, it takes away from my happiness and joy.  Every minute of worry is 60 seconds of happiness I throw away. 

As much as I want to worry about not being “good enough”, it’s JUST. NOT. WORTH. IT.!!! 
Whose standard of “good enough” or “perfection” am I comparing myself to anyways?   I am not going to sell myself short anymore, in assuming my good isn’t good enough! Damnit, my good is not only good enough, it‘s GREAT! 
In the end, I just need to be perfectly ME: Random, late, loyal, loving, sarcastic, happy, wise, impatient, talented, witty, kind ME!  

Parenting.

Don’t get me wrong and assume that I have some sort of vengeance against parents, due to my post from a couple days ago.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth! I have a very high respect for parents, especially single parents, who go about doing their best to raise good children who have the potential to become extraordinary adults.  
Since the age of 9, I’ve had a front row seat to watching a baby grow into a toddler, start kindergarten, grow up, graduate from school and become a man.  In fact, I’ve had that beautiful experience at least 3 times over and now I’m currently watching my 12 year old niece blossom into a beautiful young woman.  By all means, I can CLEARLY see that parenthood is NOT a walk in the park!  Having shared a room with my first 2 nephews, I fondly remember the happiness that overcame me when they started to sleep all through the night!  Being 12 -16 years old, and waking up to a crying baby wasn’t fun, at all!  {If anything convinced me more of not becoming a teenage parent, it was certainly the lack of sleep due to a wet, hungry & crying baby} I remember how overjoyed we would all be when one of our toddlers didn’t need to use his pull-ups anymore because he finally grasped the concept of using the “potty.”  I remember how ecstatic we all were when one of our young 1st graders started to learn the words she needed for her spelling test, which soon became apart of her daily vocabulary.  
I get it--Parenting is hard. Luckily, I’ve seen the rewards that come with it.  When a child succeeds in accomplishing a hard task or homework project, their joy is remarkable! How wonderful it is when a parent can match their excitement!  I can understand that although it is hard, it can also be rewarding.  
Sometimes it kinda scares me that parenthood is right around the corner for Levi and I.  Although this is a rather big corner, it’s a lot closer than it’s ever been before! At times I get a lil scared, but I know that I have a strong partner in Levi.  It’s a learning process, and luckily we all get to take it one day at a time.  

In the last two days, my appreciation has grown for parents, as I’ve spent more time with my niece.  She just started at her new middle school and the homework load is just like I remember it. A LOT!  On Monday, we went over her Algebra, Social Studies and English homework.  It took a while.  On Tuesday, she came home, then we immediately left for her Softball practice.  I thought I was going to get to kick it in the shade for an hour & a half, but there I was playing catcher and then running bases.  {Note to self: get back to the gym this week!} Afterwards, we went home, did some more Distributive Property Algebra homework, then started on her Science project; an “All About Me” shadow box.  We didn’t finish til about 10pm, which only left enough time for her to go home, shower and hit the sack!  Poor girl! Some of the neighbor kids asked her to come outside and play.  I could tell that she wanted to, but she knew of the responsibilities at hand.  When we wrapped up our night, I was ready for the sack, too!  
So to all those parents out there… I get it -- it’s hard!  There are no days off.  The benefits aren’t always so great….but the retirement plan looks rewarding: the end product of a terrific kid, who becomes an intelligent, sensitive & respectful adult is pretty dang phenomenal!   
A HUGE kudos to all you parents who do your very best!! I have no doubt that you’re making a difference in your children’s lives and tomorrow’s world.