Utah, again ♥

Yesterday, my parents and I flew to Salt Lake City. It was quite a change from the 10 hour drive from Utah that I just did last week.

I think it's starting to hit my Mom that her younger brother has passed away. I'm grateful I can be here for my parents at this time.

I'm also truly grateful for a loving Dad. I thought I was here to help him out and around Utah...but even blind people can be of service.

It's been a couple years since I've been on a plane and was quite nervous. Dramamine helps, but it was a lot of rushing around without sleeping the night before. During turbulence and take offs, my Dad let me hold his hand tightly. I was nervous and air pockets don't help. It was very loving and reassuring that I could reach out for my Dad's hand everytime and he wouldn't mind...and he would keep his hand out just in case I needed it again. I guess you're never to old to hold a parent's hand♥

As of late...

So I got back from Utah this past Wednesday..... and I'll be headed back up there this coming Tuesday.

I'm kinda thinkin' that I should have postponed my original trip. Oh well, I'm going back to Utah for a better reason.

It'll be nice to support my Mom, aunts & cousins during this time. It'll be wonderful to reflect back on the life of my Uncle Ned. I'll surely miss him, a lot.

So...it's back to Utah....a week later. However, I'm kinda thinkin' of moving back there. I know I CANNOT STAND driving in the snow--which was ultimately the reason I moved back (after I spun my car). But I just need change in my life. Change can be a good thing, sometimes.

Well, I'll definitely be thinkin' it over......A LOT.

Other than that, nothing too exciting has happened lately. Sometimes, that's also a good thing. And with that said.....Adios.

Wow....Utah!

The Good:

I truly forgot how much I LIKE Utah. I forgot how 'GOOD' it feels here. The weather has been BEAUTIFUL today!!! I LOVE IT!! It's not hot at all!! It's A LOT cooler than San Diego, that is for dang sure!! I can't believe I'd actually rather be in Utah than California... Wow.

I also forgot how much of a 'boy buffet' it is here. Oh I love that so much!! Any public outting is always filled with eye candy :)

I went to lunch with one of my good ol' friends, Mary. It was so WONDERFUL spending time with her. It was great talking with her and it didn't feel like we hadn't seen each other for 2 years. We ate at Macaroni Grill and the food was TERRIFIC today!! I L♥VED IT!! Heck, even the Ceasar salad was amazing! I love the Chicken Scallopine there!! Good food, great company!

The Sad:

I missed seeing my Uncle Ned by about a day... He passed away a few days ago. It was somewhat expected, but I would have really loved the opportunity to see him before he passed. I'm grateful now for the chance I get to visit with my cousins. I am truly grateful I got to see him last August in San Diego while he was still up and about. He really did a lot for me while I lived in Utah, a few years back. As a poor college student, I never went hungry or felt homesick. I could always go to his home (& just walk right in!) and make myself at home. Even though I grew up in California and would visit his family every so often, I felt very much like a part of their family. I will miss him terribly, but I know for sure, that I will see him again. I know.

The Ugly:

I cannot and will not drive 10 hours again. It is extremely rigorous, more than I remember. I don't know if it's because of my Meniere's/Vertigo---but it really takes it outta me. Gosh, I don't want to say it, but....'maybe I'm not as young as I use to be'. I use to LOVE the 10 hours of open road to think and ponder about life. Last night/this morning, it was TERRIBLE!! NO THANKS!! Never again!!

(801)&(435)

So I'm thinkin' of going to Utah. I mean, what else do you do when this happens:

I've been wanting to go to Utah for a while now. I've talked about it SEVERAL times within the last year...now I've finally got the time to go. I like the drive. I'm glad that the weather is cool right now. It'll be nice to get out of town for a bit. I mean, who gets fired and then plans a lil vacay? Um, me?

I'm stoked to get my Pie Pizzeria on and to see some family & friends....especially one friend in particular. Well actually, he's the only friend I'm REALLY planning on seeing. I'm stoked/excited/nervous/anxious to see him. Probably more nervous than anything!! Hmmm...oh man!

Unexpected.

In short... I was fired today.

I loved my job. I loved most of my co-workers and liked the rest. I was comfortable there. I got along PERFECTLY with my partner. It was really great. I think the only things I didn't like about it were the distance/parking & the foul language. Other than that, I really enjoyed it.

I kinda felt it coming. I think most people can feel when change comes. My supervisor pulled me in my office with another supervisor who was holding an envelope with my name on it and I knew it was coming. I tried to plead my case...but I could feel it going no where. So I thanked them for hiring me and the opportunity of working there. I think the embarrassing/relief part of it all is that Mr.NY pretty much had a front row seat for it. Although he couldn't hear what was going on, he could probably see it. They allowed me to clean out my desk and in the middle of it I asked if I could go talk to Mr.NY for a second. I pulled him out to the dark hallway (the electricity had gone out 20 minutes prior) and thanked him for being so nice and helpful since day one. He helped me the day I walked in for an interview...and I'm glad I was able to talk with him on my way out. He was quite compassionate which was very nice to come across after just gettin' fired. I'll forever wonder what it would have been like to kiss him. That would have been nice :) Oh well, I'm grateful for the friends I made there and the experience of everything I went though. Here's to a longer weekend now :)

Oh well... as Lorelei Gilmore once said:

"A setback is really just a set-up for future accomplishment!"

Yes, yes it will be......

Single.

Before my mission, I taught Girls Achievement at church (8-11 year olds). I loved it and became close with the girls. Last night I received a Facebook event invite from one of my ol' girls.

A wedding invite.

Are you kiddin me?!? I can't believe one of my ol' girls is getting married! Or is even old enough to get married.

And then I started to become sad. Like 'cry myself to sleep'/"FML" sad. I started to dread being a single Mormon. I honestly hate the way SO MUCH emphasis is put on marriage and family...and how your life doesn't seem valid without both. I LOATHE being single--it's lonesome. I wish I had that partner to enjoy life with. It made me think of a quote from, "Shall We Dance":

”We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness'."

I just feel like most of my friends are moving ahead in life....getting married....having kids....raising kids.... And my life, well it just seems mundane. I don't like that feeling. I wish I could move forward in the natural progression of life. Especially now that it's wedding season...ugh, it becomes increasingly hard to be single.

Oh well....

Aaaaaaaaand it's Thursday....

I want this:

I can't believe I want this....but I do. A LOT!!!! I like the fact that it's an iPod, phone & camera in one. I never like leaving the house with out those three things....and the fact that I can have it all in one is AWESOME!!! I want this so much!!!

Other than that...work is okay today. The weather is truly "June Gloom". I talked to Mr.NY for a little bit today. I told him that I like the fact that his eye color changes, so every so often I check his eyes---which is basically a few seconds of getting to stare deeply in his beautiful eyes. (Cheesy, I know). But I think his eyes are cool since they change colors depending on what he's wearing. Two Christmases ago, I gave him a light brown shirt because I wanted to see if his eyes would be more hazel than blue. Today he's wearing 'my' shirt and they are 'hazel-y'. My best friend's eyes change colors depending on what she wears and that always tripped me out. I hope my future blonde hair, blue eyed lil boy has eyes like that.

I talked to Lee last night. He invited me over last night. I didn't feel like hangin' out with him (Thanks cramps!). Maybe I'll see what he's up to tomorrow after work. Hmm....we'll see.

What's in a name?

Growing up, I never really appreciated my name. To a youngster, if your name made you stand out, it wasn't really a good thing. I had one of those names.

Ehulani.

I always wished I had the more common names of "Jennifer", "Jessica", "Maria" or "Christina". Everyone could pronounce those names--easily. Plus they had cute lil nick names for them. I never liked having to teach people what my name meant, plus most would snicker at such a long, awkward name. It made me dislike it even more. Throughout my school years I ended up shortening my name to just, "Lani"....something a lil easier and more common. However, I would still get the occasional substitute teacher who would TRY to pronounce my name during roll call....

"EEEE..., um, EEEE-you? EEE-you-lay-knee?"

At this point, half of the class would be laughing while the other half is trying to help the poor sub say my name correctly. I always dreaded 'substitute teacher' days.

Occasionally I'd have a friend or two that insisted on calling me, "Ehulani". I sorta cringed because it was such a long ugly name. It wasn't until I was in college that I started to appreciate my name. My brothers gave me my name which means, "red mist of heaven"--which is the sky at sunset.


I love my name now and actually cringe anytime anyone calls me "Lani". Honestly, I hate it--with the exception of 3 friends. Other than that, I'd prefer if people call me, "Ehulani" or those close to me, "Ehu".

I still have a hard time with my name. It is a lil burdensome...especially when meeting people for the first time. It'll usually sound like this:

Them: "Hi, I'm ___________"

Me: "Hi ________, I'm Ehulani, nice to meet you."

Them: "Wait, what? What's your name?"

Me: "A-who-lawn-EE"

Them: "A-who...what?"

Me: "A-who-lawn-EE".

Them: "Ah-lawn-EE??"

Me: "Hold on, I'll tell you a joke. 'Knock knock'".....
[To which the person is so confused at this point that they forget how a "knock knock" joke goes".]

((JOKE: "Knock knock"...."who's there?"....."A"......"A who?"......"A-who-lawn-EE"))

The joke really helps, but the unfortunate part to the above scenario is that I leave that conversation not remembering the other person's name AT ALL. I just spent the next 5 minutes teaching them my name that I can't remember their name for the life of me!! So then I look like the idiot who can't remember a simple name!! UGH!!

Anyways...so there ya go. The woes of having a unique name. Thank goodness I'll be naming my son, "Jack".

Polo Rolls.

Hmm, I feel like I haven't blogged lately. So there's a new guy at work. "Ralph" (he's been wearing a lot of Ralph Lauren polos) looks like a surfer. He's pretty cute. He's about 24 years old. I feel like a puma for checking him out. His Dad's an attorney....which happens to be one of our clients. He seems a bit on the shy side, but he is pretty funny when he does open up. Ok, he is really hot. I love my job, sometimes.

Our company softball season starts today. I'm pretty stoked. They're always so much fun! Mr.NY will be there....Maybe even Lee. Hmm.... we'll see. I invited Ralph, so we'll see how that goes. Can't wait!

This weekend was pretty great! I got to see so many ol' friends!! I got to see Neffie and her adorable son, Joey. My friend Angela's in town since she's gettin' married this Saturday!! I'm so EXCITED for her!! I also got to see an ol' roommate, "Sestra" and her lovely lil family. It brought back so many memories of Utah. It felt good to see them. What a wonderful visit. She cooked dinner and man, those rolls were ridiculously SCRUMPTIOUS!!! I could have eaten the whole plateful!! I'm stoked that they're down for the summer--the best time EVER to be in San Diego/Zion! I can't wait to see them again for some Filippi's pizza!!

Other than that, my nephew Elder Lomu continues to rock it out in Fiji!! He's so amazing!! He's learned 2 new languages since being out in Fiji!! How awesome is that?!? I'm GLAD his year mark's comin' up! He needs to come home to his dear ol' aunt who misses him terribly!! But then at the same time, I'm not looking forward to next year when my nephew Bubba leaves for his own mission. I'm not ready to go through that heartache of another nephew leaving on a mission. UGH!! I'm tellin' you....I cannot be a Missionary Mom!! My poor heart can barely stand being a Missionary Aunt :)

Relief.

Today, for the first time in a VERY LONG time, I can hear.

I don't have the constant "whooshing" sound in my left ear. (It sounds like I'm listening to my heartbeat through a stethoscope)

I'm so extremely happy, I could cry. I forgot what it was like NOT having that damn "whooshing". As I type this, tears well up in my eyes. Usually the only way I can get relief from the "whooshing" is to press on my neck--it looks as though I'm taking a pulse on my neck. It looks a lil funny, but I don't care if it brings relief.

Today is a VERY VERY good day. I'm so happy!

Feelings.

Hmmm....so much on my mind.

I don't know where to start.

I like a friend. Well, I've always liked him....but we live in different cities. I want to see him. Ugh...I'll have to think about it though.

Sometimes having a lot on my mind is a nice distraction from work. However, I tend to OVERthink things.

I like this friend and now it's hard to NOT be as open with him anymore. Sometimes it's okay when feelings develop in a friendship...and sometimes, unfortunately, it's not. I can't talk to him about the guy I like now...because that guy is him. I think I'll miss just speaking my mind with him. Ugh...I don'tknow. Stupid feelings!