NEED!!!

(but it's more like a "want")

http://shop.reef.com/reef-forte/d/1419

Happy Friday! Yes, it will be!

*Thank you, Spotify! I LOVE this song! Makes me feel like it's REALLY Friday!

*I juiced some Carrots, Apples & Oranges this morning. I had to add the Oranges, because without it, it makes me think of Houston.  Siiiiiiiiiigh.

*I'm going to the Farmers Market in Imperial Beach today. I'm stoked. I really enjoy it!  

*Hung out with Cherry last night.  Went to eat Pho and then walked on IB pier. It was rather fun. Man, I love walking and talking. I think it's one of the most pleasantly enjoyable things to do. 

*I LOOOOOOVE this photo, that I took last night.... without a flash or a tripod: 

*Man, I LOVE photography. I NEED to finish my Photography degree!

Vibe.

*I shouldn't be bummed, but I am. I miss Houston, terribly.  I miss his morning texts that I received EVERY morning.  Long story short, he reiterated the fact that he only wants to be friends, right now.  At least I tried, I put myself out there and could only hope that he would share the same feelings.  Oh well, I tried and I'm happy I did.   

*I couldn't be more grateful for my dear friend Izzy. God sent me an angel to console my aching heart, in the very moment I needed one.  I don't like to let many people see me cry. To me, that's always been a sign of weakness.  She let me cry without making me feel stupid or weak.  She didn't judge anything that came out of my mouth.  She was the best friend that I needed in my time of sadness.

*From a Facebook post left on Ash's page: Remember how we talk about not throwing stuff out in the universe, unless you want it? Last night, I was thinking of an ex that I tried contacting months ago, but found out he had a new number. I was wishing I could talk with him because we haven't talked in a couple years. This morning I woke up to a text from him!!!! Out of the blue!!! Crazy, right?!?! He said that he was just thinking about me and wondered how I was doing. Ok, now I need to start thinknig of winning the Mega lotto tonight....   {And no, I wasn't lookin' for a "rebound", Riddler lives in Utah, no possibility there}

*My niece Novee's birthday was on Tuesday.  She's 11 now! I can't believe it!! Time flies by so quickly! I'll have to do a birthday post for her! 

*Went to the beach yesterday, man it was bitterly cold!!! The sun was out yet it was so windy! I got some sun on my pale legs and arms (as you can see above). I tried biking the Strand on Tuesday, but geez Louise, it was SOOOO windy! Biking into the wind was HARD!!! As I biked from the Strand to the beach in Imperial Beach, I think I saw Houston driving away from his place. I didn't want to look at him, I would have turned to mush. ANYWAYS, have I mentioned how much I LOVE living in San Diego?!?! I need to find a place on the beach! I just can't get enough of it!!

  

*I'm kinda stoked for the weekend and the upcoming week! I'll be going with a friend out to her family's place in Palm Springs to celebrate Passover.  I'm excited for the change of scenery, as well as the opportunity to experience Passover again.

*Tomorrow's the Farmers Market in Imperial Beach. I was/am really looking forward to going to it tomorrow. Part of me hopes to run into Houston, but I think my poor heart wouldn't be able to handle it.  Imperial Beach, I've fallen in love with you.....but sometimes, it hurts to see you. 

Feeling.

me.

Being open & vulnerable.

Why do we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable with certain people? Why do we let them see our inner heart, expose ourselves to the very depth of possibly being hurt? I guess I do it because I like to freely speak my mind and hope that I can trust that person with my thoughts and feelings.  I don't want to be "guarded", I don't want to have to restrain myself.  I like it when I can trust someone enough to share myself with them. 
I sent Houston an email.
I apologized and shared my feelings, for him.
Do you know how gut wrenching it is, waiting and hoping for a response...a good response?
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst", right?
To tell you the truth, I'm scared. I'm afraid of what the email might say. 
It might not be what I want, but at least I can walk away saying, "I tried" than to forever think, "Coulda, shoulda, woulda". 

Now, the wait.....

Postlude of a kiss.

I feel like I owe someone an apology.  Sometimes, I say whatever is on my mind. I didn't say something harsh or mean, but it was honest.  I should have thought twice about it and I didn't need to say it twice, but I did. I thought it was said jokingly, but when Houston said I then said it twice, it was no longer a joke.
I saw him on Friday. He invited me over so he could make me some fresh juice.  I had a goal of not kissing him.  I didn't want to kiss him because I still have feelings for him and kissing him would make it hard to continue trying to get over him.  I walked in, he greeted me with an enthusiastically, and then planted one on me.  There went that goal. 
We kissed a few more times and then, after telling him my "goal", he didn't want to kiss me anymore, while I was there.  Things have been awfully quiet between us now.  It's a lil uncommon. 
Truth is... I love kissing him.  I love being taken in his arms, embraced oh so tightly and kissed just the way he knows how to kiss me.  If he were home right now, I'd want to drop everything I'm doing, go over there and kiss him. I'd want to kiss him until my lips turned raw and I no longer knew where my breath ended and his begun.

This little girl....

She has my heart! I love her dearly!

Spent a very pleasant day, walking the beach & collecting shells with my niece.

"You mean "Awesome Auntie of the Year" award!"

I had some free time, as I hung out alone in my sister's kitchen.

I decided to make my niece a Bento box for lunch tomorrow (Friday).

That was my first attempt, and I don't think it's that shabby.  I know I wish I had lunches like that, as a kid.  When she came home from school, she was surprised and said it cheered her up. I'm so glad!

Later, she asked me to help her make her birthday party invites.

Between you and me, I was pleased as punch to help her with those! I LOVE doing stuff like that!

For spur of the moment, I think they turned out quite lovely.  Plus, all those wedding, bridal showers and baby shower invites finally paid off, as I was thinking of ideas for her birthday invites.

I had a fun evening with her.

She has a heart of gold.

She said the prayer over dinner and asked for such sweet blessings to be bestowed upon me and thanked Heavenly Father that I could join them tonight. 

Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE and enjoy being an aunt, to my nephews and niece?

I LOVE it SO much!

I hope they know how much I love each of them! They bless my life, immensely!

My cup runneth over!

Juicin' my way towards Patience!

As mentioned in my previous posts, Houston use to juice my carrots.  It could sound like a metaphor, which totally makes me chuckle, but I promise it's not.   I loved drinking fresh juice at Houston's because A) I LOVE juice, especially fresh juice!  B) I didn't have to do anything :]  C) It reminded me of my Grandfather who use to make me fresh juice. 
Anyways, I've been longing for Carrot & Apple juice and gave into buying some at the store. Oh man, it was wretchedly HORRIBLE!! So dang gross!!  Today, I decided to stop longing for my fresh juice at Houston's and just buy a juicer! Unfortunately, Bed, Bath & Beyond only had them online so now I have to wait, 3-8 days til it gets here!! {Also, unfortunately, I bought the same exact one as Houston's.  YAY for me not trying to think fo him! Geeez} As I was walking around BB&B, I wanted to just buy one that I could take home that very moment! But for $58, I can wait...........not patiently, but I can learn to wait.  In the meanwhile, I'll look up all the juicing recipes that I plan on making! Can't wait!!

I just fell in love!!!!

As I was searching Bed, Bath & Beyond's website for a juicer, I found this lil gem:

I want this!! I want this more than fresh air!!!  Obviously, I don't want it for the baby feeding reason, but look at it!! Doesn't it look divine!?!!  It's like a body pillow & "big spoon" in one!!!! I NEED THIS!!! 

Dreamt of Houston.

Course.

Today, this is how I feel.....

I feel like certain relationships in my life have ran it's course.  I wanna be hopeful, to think that I'm wrong, but my intuition says otherwise.  I don't wanna be the stupid girl who doesn't get it.  Man, I really liked Houston.  I should have been more aware, more in tune with what he was saying and how he's been acting.  My own inhibitions got in the way, I over-thought stuff...well, too much.  I dont know... whatevers....  Man, I opened up to him, about a lot.  I wanted him to know that I was all for it, 100%. I allowed myself to be vulerable with him, so he could trust me.  He was wonderful, manly in every way possible, kind, sensitive, gentle, funny, smart.... he was great.  Man, this sucks....

Arggg, this weather!!

What my computer weather reader says right now:

What it really looks like, out my window:

What I wanted to do today, (but trusted my darn weather reader):

For now...

my weekend:

p.s. I really REALLY wanna go to Utah. I need to get the hell outta San Diego for a few days! I miss my cousin Kenikeni's cooking! *sigh*

Happy Saturday!

We had such a wonderful time with my Dad, last night. I sure do love that man! And I'm truly grateful for all the love that others also have for him!  Amidst my photo posting on Facebook, a friend commented on a framed photo, in the background. It's one of my favorite photos of my Dad. 

I love this photo so much! A couple years ago, I framed it and gave it to my Dad as a Father's Day gift.  Although he can't see it (he lost his vision about 13 years ago), I'm glad others can see the love and admiration he has for this granddaughter of his.  He dotes on her at any chance he can!  I think it's obvious how much love they share for each other. 

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Mosese, the Rugby captain.

Today is my Dad's birthday. Although I know he'll never read this, I just want the world to know how special he is to me.♥

My Dad is the man I measure all men up to.  He's a "man's man", a true manly man. Growing up, I marveled at his ability to make or fix anything. He fears nothing and no one. I never had to worry about my safety, I treasured that above all.    

He was extremely athletic, played just about every sport you could think of. He still loves to listen to sports and talk about it with anyone. He was a hard worker and very good provider for his family. He taught me ALL about service, by example. When he did verbally teach me about service, he told me that "LDS" stood for, "Let's Do Something" or "Let's Do Service". He always taught me to accept callings at church and to never say "no". He taught me many things by example, especially the gospel.

I still love to hear stories of his labor mission down in the south Pacific. Whenever I hear someone talk about the Polynesian Cultural Center, my heart swells with pride because my Dad helped build it. My Dad's pretty awesome, in fact he was in a movie with Elvis Presley!

My Dad and I are quite similar, both good and bad. At times, we share the same stubborn attitude (read: tenacious). He rarely holds back whatever he thinks and feels, there's no grey area with him.  He delights in having his family all around him.  I'm grateful for the love he shares for all of us.

My Dad may not be perfect, but he is definitely the perfect father for me. I love him dearly and I am so blessed to have him for eternity. Ofa lahi atu, 'Ulu toki! Happy 76th Dad!!

{He's the one sitting next to the lady, in the canoe.  At 2:31, he's the one waving at the camera... oh my Dad, he's such an amateur! ;) }

Basically...

...this is how I feel, right now.

I'm going out to dinner with Houston tonight.

Seriously, I'm giddy like a school girl.

I can't help it, he's just so dang cute...

...and smart...

...and sarcastic...

..and manly...

..and oh so kissable, I could squeal!

I like him, dangit... I like him quite a bit.

Ok, I have to start getting ready, because the sooner I do, the sooner I get to see him!

Cheesy grin status, for sure.

Biking!

Last Friday, my nephew and I went biking up the Coronado Strand. We biked from Imperial Beach, found this random trail that took us to Chula Vista, and then biked from there to the Coronado Ferry Landing.  Altogether, it was about 14 miles.  Oh man, I don't think I've ever biked that much in my life (sad, but true).   I've been wanting to do the Strand for a while, and luckily I've got a willing & kind nephew who biked it with me.  He's biked about 350 miles before (down the coast of Cali) so this would be a walk in the park for him.  Which it was! I was SLOOOOOOOOOOOOW, but you know what, I finished it! And I'm happy for myself!   Sure, he biked WAY ahead of me and would bike back to check on me, then would do it all over again....but slow & steady also completes the race!  We stopped for a few minutes at a time, because there was so much to take pictures of--things that go unnoticed when driving in a car.  My parents wanted to meet us in Coronado for lunch, and due to time restraint, we ended up getting a ride back with them.  All in all, it was a fun ride. 

Yesterday, I went to bike it again, by myself this time. However, I didn't go as far. I only went half way, stopped to have lunch on the beach and turned around.  I made MUCH better time, on the way back. I didn't stop as much, probably just once to drink some water and take photos.  But there I was, slow & steady, at times a lil faster due to the song at the moment.  It was 10.5 miles! Wowzers! I'm happy with that! It was so refreshing! I loved it! Me, my bike & my tunes! FUN!  As I look out the window and see clear blue skies and sunhine, I'm VERY tempted to grab my bike and go riding!

When I'm huffing and puffing, pushing myself to go a lil faster and make it to a certain goal point, I think, "Damn, why did I eat so poorly and let myself get so out of shape?!" , (during a Britney Spears song) "Oh yeah, this is why I'm gonna stick with biking, someday I'm gonna look like that!", "Hell yeah I need to lose weight and look good for the beach this summer!". Overall, I just need to be healthier. I've stopped drinking soda, for Lent, but I think I'm just going to drop it altogether.  I've greatly increased my water intake and started drinking milk with my meals (I tend to be lactose intolerant). Plus, I LOVE fresh juice at Houston's.  All in all, this is the heaviest I've been and it needs to GO! Happy Biking to ME!!

Two Wedding Requests.....

Yesterday, I mentioned a lil about Mariachis.  I found some history behind them and wanted to share why I love them as much as I do.

*Mariachis often help celebrate the great moments in the lives of the Mexican people. With the serenata (serenade), the Mariachi participates in the rite of courtship. In a society where the young members of opposite sexes were kept apart, the serenata was a means of communication by which a young man could send a message of love to the woman of his heart. In many areas of Mexico, it is not unusual to be awakened by the sound of Las Mañ anitas, the traditional song for saints days, or birthdays. The Mariachi is usually positioned strategically on the street beneath the window of the festejada, but the sound of its music echoes through the whole neighborhood.
I grew up in a neighborhood where it wasn't uncommon to hear a mariachi, late on a Saturday evening. Once, a mariachi came to our house on accident, but it was such a sweet delight to hear their beautiful music.  I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have a mariachi serenade me. It's such a beautiful reflection of love.   I hope to have one perform at my wedding, someday....

Speaking of weddings, if I only received one gift, please let it be this:

Right before my mission, at my grandfather's funeral, there was a photograph of my grandparents, riding a tandem bike together.  It was such a sweet picture that I captured in my heart. They looked so happy and in love.  My grandfather was in the front and my grandmother was peeking around him, with one of her big grins. I've never forgotten that photo and hope I can find it from one of my cousins so I can have a copy.  Since I laid my eyes on that photo, I wanted a tandem bike for my future husband and myself.  My grandparents looked so wonderfully happy in life and I hope to create that, within my own marriage, some day...perched atop a tandem bike.
Also, I had a missionary companion that would always sing, this song while we tracted: 

It continued to remind me of my grandparents' picture.  So nothing would please me more and make me feel more connected to my grandparents, than a lovely lil bicycle built for two.

March 12 = My Sister's birthday!

*Yesterday, was my sister's birthday! I took her to lunch, in Old Town.  Unfortunately, the Chilean/Latin restaurant was closed, so we went to Old Town Mexican Cafe. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!!! I had a VERY enjoyable afternoon with her! I love her so much! She's one of my most favorite people, in the entire world.  I couldn't be more blessed to have a sister as awesome, amazing, kind, loving, intelligent, warm, beautiful, funny and genuine as her!

*I LOVE Mariachis! Seriously, I think they're just so delightfully beautiful. I remember my friend, Ana's wedding reception and how wonderful it was to have a mariachi go around to each table and take requests! Growing up in south San Diego, it wasn't uncommon to have a Mariachi serenade someone at their home. My best friend, Liz taught me that it's a big deal when that happens. I hope I'm serenaded by a mariachi, someday. While at lunch, I had the mariachi sing, "Cielito Lindo", one of my favorite mariachi songs.
*Last night, we played "Newspaper Hockey" at FHE. Ok, I should have done more research on that before I threw it out there as an activity (I'm the FHE Committee Chairman/Chairperson/Whatevers).  Some people showed up with their hockey sticks made and some we had to make on the spot. Some of the hockeysticks were falling apart and hitting people in the face. It was all TOO funny!

I couldn't stop laughing!! Probably one of the best laughs I've had all year!! LOVED IT!! 

Half-birthday.

Last night, I was suppose to go to back to Houston's beach with my friend Tat. I wanted to try taking more night photos again, with a tripod.  I was texting with Houston before I left my house, so I casually mentioned what my plans were. He jokingly said that maybe he would stalk me down. At the last minute, Tat cancelled but I still wanted to go shoot photos.
As I started to walk on the beach, by myself, he was there! My heart was so happy! Partly because I've missed him...and also because I didn't want to go out on the beach, alone, in the dark.

I got a few pics and enjoyed the company, immensely. On the way back, I almost stepped on:

Crazy, right?!?! Ewww, scary! Makes me think twice about walking on the beach, in the dark!  It was so dark out there, that I only made out the figure and didn't know what it was until I viewed the picture on my camera.  It didn't dawn on me, until I was home, uploading the pictures, that maybe I should have tried to scoop it up with my slippers and thrown it back in. 
All in all, this was probably my most favorite half-birthday to date! I've got Houston to thank for that :)

David Tutera!

I love David Tutera! Seriously, I fall in love with him during each episode I watch. For the last half hour I've been lauging my head off at the clip above!!!  I love his reaction to a piece he sees on the table, then his reaction to who the bride envisions holding her train! Oh man, I'm probably going to watch it about 20 times more! Oh David Tutera, will you plan my wedding someday?!!

International Women's Day

About International Women's Day

When: Thursday 8 March 2012
Where: Everywhere
What: International Women's Day (8 March) is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. In some places like China, Russia, Vietnam and Bulgaria, International Women's Day is a national holiday.
Why: Suffragettes campaigned for women's right to vote. The word 'Suffragette' is derived from the word "suffrage" meaning the right to vote. International Women's Day honours the work of the Suffragettes, celebrates women's success, and reminds of inequities still to be redressed. The first International Women's Day event was run in 1911. 2011 was the Global Centenary Year. Let's reinvent opportunity for all women ... more

I didn't hear about this holiday until today. I think it's pretty neat.  I definitely want to learn more about it before next year.  Since it is a holiday, of sorts, I decided to celebrate it by buying myself a present.  Well, it wasn't really a present, but I jumped at the chance to buy super cute hiphuggers & tanktops for bed. I forgot how FUN it is buying underwear!! Yeah, to non-Mormons, that would be odd to say... and to a Mormon, they would totally get that--sorta. Some would probably judge. Whatevers.  Anyways, it was fun and they're cute!
So Happy International Women's Day! I can't wait to see what I buy myself next year! ;)

Ironic.

What's currently playing on my Spotify:


How I really feel:

 

Dreamt, again.

I had yet another dream about earwax, last night. I don't know what's going on. Last time I dreamt that I pulled out a brown, bean-size piece of earwax from my left ear.  The dream I had the other night, was someone else cleaning earwax from my ears, I believe my right ear.
I Googled what "earwax" could possibly mean. This is what I found:

• To dream that you have excessive earwax suggests that there is something you are refusing to hear.
• Stubbornness, or unwillingness or inability to listen to someone else, or perhaps to accept reality
• Self-protection
• Getting rid of things (thoughts, beliefs, relationships, situations, etc.) you don't want or need
• An obstacle to clarity or understanding
• A blockage or stoppage of a process (especially there is a buildup of earwax).

The one that really hit home was...

• Dreaming of a large amount of earwax is a strong indication that you may need to pay more attention to the people you associate with. There is a suggestion that important things may go unheard. Earwax in somebody else's ear may be alerting you to a breakdown in communication with an important person in your waking life.

Isn't it all so odd? Two nights in a row of earwax dreams.... I think I know what it is that I'm refusing to hear. I just wish some people were more direct.

Realization, 24 hours later.

Damnit.

One of my favorite bands played here in town last night.

I just realized that today.



Maybe one day, someday, I'll actually get to see them in concert.

And NOT just after they perfom at Warped Tour, signing autographs at their booth.
Or later hear about how they played right across the street from the church building you just walked out of, 2 hours earlier.
Damnit!

Pigtails.

I've got 'em.

I love being able to pull my hair back.

Sometimes, it gets so tiring having to do my hair.

It's nice just to be able to pull it back.

Even though I look like I'm 4 years old.

It's still fun.

And kinda cute.

p.s. I had a very odd dream, last night.  I was at Mr. Red's and he was cleaning ear wax from my ear. SO ODD, right? He was using Tweezers and putting them in a lil test tube.  I was holding the tube, went into the kitchen and spilt it. I didn't want to him to clean it up, cause I thought the whole thing was kinda gross.  But there I was, laying (lying? ugh, I hate this) on his lap, while he cleaned out my ear. And apparently, I had A LOT. Gross? I think so. 

A perfect San Diego day!

Today, I didn't feel like going to church. Not at all, not even in the least bit!  There was nothing that could persuade me otherwise.  I felt like spending this gorgeous San Diego day outside...
And that's exactly what I did!!
I called up my friend Tat and we walked around Coronado, all day! Glorious!!  

There was so much to see!! I LOVED it!!! Sometimes, I feel like we are unattached and out of touch with nature.  I would definitely recommend that we all get out, walk around & breathe some fresh air! It's so good for the soul! Poor Tat, had to stop every 5 seconds for me to take a picture of everything!
 Today was definitely a happy, perfect San Diego day!!

A nice lil dream....

I just remembered my dream and need to jot it down somewhere....

I was sitting in church, in casual "street clothes". It was strange for me to not be wearing a dress or a skirt, yet at the same time it wasn't such a big deal. At least I was in church, right?  On my left, there was this tall, skinny, dark haired white guy sitting next to me.  He leaned forward and I automatically started rubbing his back.  When he sat back up, I leaned into him, rested my chin on his back/shoulder and said, "I couldn't help it, you leaned forward and I thought that was a sign for me to start rubbing your back."  He was fine with it and smiled at me.  Then he kissed me.  On my right was a friend from my actual ward, she too was wearing casual clothes. 
Next thing I remember, the guy and I are walking out. He firmly grasps my hand and leads the way.  He was very good looking and kind.  He didn't look familiar like anyone I know in real life. 

It was a nice lil dream!

Life, for the past 18 hours.

Thank you for filling in today, RedBox.

Friday's Farmers Market!

This is my sister.

Defined by law, she's my ex-sister-in-law.

But to me, she is still just my sister.

We went to the Farmers Market today down in Imperial Beach (IB).

We ate Gyros & Crepes!!!

SO. DAMN. DELICIOUS.!!!

Seriously, I'm falling in love with IB more and more and more!

I loved it down there. It's so chill and fun!

Good food. Great company!

What a FUN Friday!!!

(Can you see why I'm falling in love with IB! And especially their lil Farmers Market!)

In case you were wondering.....

For dessert, I had planned on:

I got him his favorite ice cream flavor: Banana. And for me, I chose my beloved Mint ice cream. Great idea for dessert, right? We'd both be happy with our favorite ice creams!
That's if someone didn't forget them at home on the counter.... :( bummer. 
As for the rest of dinner... I was NERVOUS as heck!! Seriously NERVOUS!!! As I was peeling the Prosciutto apart, my hands were shaking!!!! It was ridiculous!! I haven't had such shaky hands since I played organ at church. It was crazy!! Luckily, Houston's hugs, kisses & very kind words eased my nerves.  I was nervous because I wanted everything to be just right and also, I wanted to impress him.  He reassured me that he'd be happy with anything I made and knew it would be just wonderful. 
It was!  It was my first time cooking Asparagus and it was delightful!!  The Salmon was superb and the Twice Baked Potatoes were fantastic!! 
He cleaned up the kitchen, which I was going to help with, but he said that it's "house rules, the cook doesn't clean."  I'm not use to that.  It was such a great evening!!  I will say this much, it was lovely slow dancing in the kitchen with him.  I felt like I had two left feet! The only other man I've ever really slowed dance with was my Dad.  My Dad's such a good lead and I was use to him.  However, when I relaxed and just let Houston lead, then all was well.  I need to do that more often... relax and let Houston lead.

Other than that, it was a very wonderful evening.  Man, I really like Houston ♥.  Glad I get to spend tomorrow with him out in the country! Can't wait!