Manic Monday, yes indeed!

Man, work was CRAZY today!! It felt like a Friday (which are actually busier & crazier than Mondays!!). Mamacita, my partner, had to leave for a few hours in the middle of the day. Right before she left, it was calm. Of course, it's always calm before the storm hits! Once she left, the phone would NOT stop ringing, every client wanted their court filings done within the half hour and chaos was so thick in the air! I didn't even have time to drink my smoothie or warm up my lunch til 3pm--an hour and a half before I was to leave. I couldn't wait to get out of there! C-R-A-Z-Y with a capital C!

However, it wasn't all terrible. There was some sunshine at work. I've definitely been enjoying work A LOT more since Wednesday. I forgot how much fun it is to flirt. I've certainly missed that in my life the last few months. I think I better go to sleep now, the sooner I do, the sooner I get to wake up and go to work :)

G'nite.

"Song Choice for 500, Alex"

I have this friend...

...who has an AMAZING singing voice.

Oh it's too beautiful for words!! I remember the first time I heard him sing on our mission, it was so heavenly! When he returned home from his mission 5 years ago, my best friend Bugs and I were blessed to hear him sing at his mission homecoming. While I lived up in Utah, he came to visit me and my friend StephyPooh. It was a lovely visit which ended with him singing us a Samoan song--which was more like a lullaby. I remember thinking that night, "Oh how I would LOVE to marry this man! He could sing me to sleep EVERY night!"

I don't know how to adequately describe his voice. It's like velvet, soft and gentle. It's tender and just so exquisite! It's like the voice of an angel. It is the voice of an angel. It's something similar to Aaron Neville with a little bit of Luther Vandross. It had been about 4 years since I was last blessed to hear him sing, I didn't think I'd ever get to hear him sing again. About 2 months ago, a friend was planning a musical fireside in which I insisted she ask my dear friend, Peej. He agreed to sing for it and I was once again blessed to hear his extraordinary voice. Even during the practice, it brought me to tears to hear him sing, "O Lord My Redeemer".

After that fireside, I told him that for Christmas I wanted him to sing for me, a song of my choice. I've reminded him of it since, but now Christmas is right around the corner. I NEED a song!!! Silent Night? Ave Maria? O Holy Night? It's like going to a chocolate shop and being allowed to only take one piece of chocolate. All of them are good, but how can you limit yourself? Oh well, whatever the song ends up being, it'll never be heard the same after he sings it. I can't wait!! This will be my most favorite gift this year.

That time already?!

I can't believe the Christmas season is upon us already. I'm not ready for it. It doesn't feel like the Christmas season when it still feels like Summer outside. I miss having a white Christmas, those were some of my favorite Christmases.

It's starting to look like Christmas around my office. In time, it'll start to look like it at home as well. I can't wait til next Friday! It'll be the annual 'Balboa Park December Nights'. Oh, it's one of my favorite Christmas activities! I've been able to enjoy it with my best friends the last couple of years. The food there is SOOOOOO DELICIOUS!! It's like an international smorgasbord of food and festivities! So much fun to partake in! I can't wait. I think after December Nights, it'll REALLY start to be Christmas for me!

photos from last year's December Nights:

top row: Liz, Eddie & I in front of the Organ Pavillion / Lumpia from the Philippines / Feeding Eddie cookies from Lebanon.

bottom row: the BEST Hungarian sausages EVER! / Lebanese Baklava / Pastelillos from Puerto Rico

2 things for Thanksgiving....

Tomorrow, I'll be spending Thanksgiving with just my parents.

That's never happened before, EVER.

It's very seldom that I eat any meal with JUST them.

My brother and his family went out of town, to his in-laws' for Thanksgiving. I'm actually a lil jealous. I love my bro's in-laws...but I LOOOOOOOOVE my bro's MotherInLaw's pies. They're FREAKIN' FANTASTIC!! ALL made from scratch and she even makes me a Butterscotch pie--she knows it's my favorite! Oh how I wish I was there!

2 things come to mind for this T h a n k s g i v i n g:

-I love the opportunity I have to enjoy Thanksgiving alone with my parents. I'm so excited to have the time to cook! It'll be a lot quieter, I'll miss the noise of having 5 additional family members around the dinner table. Like I said, it's very rare that I'm ever alone with just my parents. I think it'll definitely be a Thanksgiving to enjoy. I know I'll look back on this Thanksgiving and hold it's dear memory in my heart. I've truly been blessed with amazing loving parents.

-I'm so grateful for my sister-in-law and her family. My SIL has been married to my brother for 20 years, I've known her since I was 7 years old. She's been more like a sister than an "In-Law". I've never thought of her like that. She was my escort thru the temple when I went through for my Endowment. I love her family. They're beyond friendly, they're truly family. They've all welcomed me into their homes, even when my bro & SIL wasn't with me. I used to go over to my SIL's brother's house all the time and they'd feed me when I was a broke college student in Utah. My brother is blessed beyond measure to have such magnificent in-laws such as them. I hope I'm blessed as well, someday.

Please & Thank You.

Can I have this house please? Oh pretty pretty please?!?

I Wish...

...I could just create all day. Everyday!

That is seriously my dream come true--being free to create ALL day. I would be the happiest person, EVER!!

I wish I could photograph everything and anything. I love being behind the view finder of my camera. I still wish I had my own darkroom...and I guess a Mac with Photoshop's cool too, it's just not the same. I wish I could work in my own garden again and plant all types of seeds, bulbs & plants. I love working with my hands. After my flower bulbs grow I would want to create the most beautiful arrangements and give them away, I miss doing that. As for the fruits of my garden, I would love to give them away in a basket that I made myself. I wish I could play my piano & violin all day and then just listen to music the rest of the time. I love those random times in my week when I can sit at my piano and sing. I would love to sit down and write music & poetry. I wish I could just draw and paint...and create everything and anything with my hands. I would love that so much. I miss pottery. I also wish I could scrapbook all the time and create cards as well. At night I would love to sew and sew and sew! I wish I had the time to cook [from scratch] for my family and bake for others...oh how I love that so!

If I had the time, energy and means to create everything in my head, I'd be ecstatic! I'm so lucky to have a Mom who challenged me and encouraged my own creativity. I'm thankful she taught me how to cook, sew, sing like her, allowed me to take violin lessons and had an organ in the house so that I could teach myself how to play.I love the love I have to create. I love my art filled life!

Hello Mr. Thursday, nice to see you again!

You know what day it is.....THURSDAY!!

Oh how I love Thursdays!

I'm really happy today.
I don't know if it's because I secured a date for my Christmas [work] party?
Or because tomorrow night is my nephew's football playoffs?
Or the two new callings I'll be receiving on Sunday (ward organist & Relief Society pianst)?
Or the fact that I have money in the bank and have not received an "Overdraft withdrawl" email?
Or that my hair looks freakin' fantastic today?
Or because I got to talk to my good friend PajamaPants yesterday?
Or cause I have a job that I love and enjoy those that I work with...like Mr. NY who gives me something GORGEOUS to look at each day?
Or because it's a BEAUTIFUL Autumn day and I don't need to wear a sweater?
Or it's cause I have an AWESOME nephew who LOVES serving the Lord and the people of Fiji?

Well whatever the reason is, Life is good today!

Wednesday's Randomonium Symposium

*Ever since I went to Disneyland for my birthday, I have desperately wanted to get back!! I had such a FANTASTIC time! Seriously, you have no idea! There seems to be radio stations giving away a 4 pack of tix and I WANT THEM!!!

*I wish it was Thursday...or Friday. Oh why can't this week go by faster?!

*I'm thankful the courts are closed today! I love Furlow Wednesdays! It's like getting paid to come to work and do nothing :)

*I'll have to work on the day after Thanksgiving. Okay by me....I hate shopping, so another day of getting paid to come to work and kick it with friends! Niiiice!

*I'm not ready for Christmas---AT ALL!! This time last year I was already done Christmas shopping for 10 people!! UGH!! This is gonna bite, hard!

*I wish I'd either get sick or nothing at all....I feel like I've been 15% sick the last few days. I'd rather be 100% sick for 2-3 days then 15% sick for 2 weeks!

*New Jersey: I need to go soon! I miss it! I miss the members! I miss everything about it!!

*I feel bad that most of these 'Randomonium' lines have "I"....I feel self centered!

*Can I just say, I REALLY miss the feel of a man's face. Lemme explain...I miss being able to snuggle up to a man. I love that closeness that comes with trust & love.

*ok, that's about it.....I'm tired and could REALLY use a nap!

Can I just say....

......guys who can pull off the 'backwards hat' look are HOT!  

Also, guys who wear jeans, slippers/flip flops with a surfer shirt.....*drool*

Sorry...I'm a lil high on Estrogen after watching a very hot guy wearing all of the above walk by me as I was filling up gas.  Quite the distraction, but very welcomed!

"Poly of Love" at the Temple.

Yesterday, the temple just wasn't the same.  

I needed a friend, the same friend I've had the last couple of months.  I needed someone who would make the temple fun and seem less like 'work'.  Someone who understands what it's like being an older YSA return missionary.  Someone who could take the stress and 'work' away from what was a very stressful moment. Someone who's put a smile on my face and made me laugh during the toughest of times.   

My temple shift doesn't seem the same without my friend Berkeley.  It almost makes me sad to go to the temple now.  I feel alone, even though I'm surrounded by friends...it's not the same without him.  

Some may think that I have feelings for Berkley, those of a romantic sense.  I did at first, but I found more than just a 'crush', something deeper--a friend.  He is my friend, in the truest sense.  It is possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex.  It hurts my heart that he's not a part of our temple shift.  It was incredible having him around.  I never felt alone or obviously unmarried while at the temple.  Something I had been feeling for a while whenever I would visit the temple.  I miss his sense of humor.  We were always together, and when we weren't it felt like we would be in search of the other.   His Mom, amongst others, also noticed that we were always together.  I sincerely loved his company.  I missed it yesterday while I was in the cafeteria alone, without the hope of Berkeley soon joining me-as usual.  I forgot what that had felt like, it hasn't happened for a long time.  

Even though his stupid "Poly of Love" song would sorta get on my nerves, I miss it.  I would do just about anything to have him sitting next to me on the 2nd floor couch singing that darn song.  

Thank you Heavenly Father for blessing me with Berkeley, it's been a pleasure....please bless him to hurry up with his grad school stuff so he can come home to San Diego, the temple and me.  

[[Thursday]]

My love of Thursdays & I were on a lil hiatus...  til today.  I was FINALLY happy for it to be Thursday again, it was pleasant.  

I went over to my BFF, Bugs' house and had a lil scrapbookin' session.  For about 6 hours.  SO MUCH FUN!

I feel blessed, I really do.  A couple months ago, I was wonderin' how I was going to get out of a situation, a relationship-type of situation.  I had an 'out' several weeks ago, but I was weak and disregarded it.  I remember thinking a few days afterwards of how stupid I was, I had an 'out' but ignored it and let my happiness suffer.  If I could kick myself, I really would have--several times!    It was something my life desperately needed and my heart truly desired, but I had no idea how to go about in obtaining another 'out' without hurting the guy.  However, I feel like my Heavenly Father stepped in and blessed me with that perfect opportunity.  My favorite Book of Mormon scripture came to mind:

"And Ammon said: Yea, and he looketh down upon all the children of men; and he knows all the thoughts and intents of the heart; for by his hand were they all created from the beginning." {Alma 18:32}

My Heavenly Father knows me.  He knows what I need and when I need it. I'm so grateful He blesses me with the most perfect blessings.  I love Him dearly for it.  

"FWD:" emails can be funny, sometimes.....

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
3. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text or getting ready.
4. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
5. There is a great need for Sarcasm font.
6. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
7. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
8. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
9. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
10. Was learning cursive really necessary?
11. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
12. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
13. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart.
14. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
15. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
16. Bad decisions make good stories.
17. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
18. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
19. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Best Friends & Blessings!

I feel like I've been blessed the last couple of days.  

This morning, as I was getting ready for church I started to think of all the blessings I've received in my life.  I feel as though I've been blessed beyond measure.  I love my nephews & niece.  I've been blessed with the best. 

I love my parents, heaven knows how deeply thankful I am for them this week.  Not just this week, but every week  since I was born.  They've ALWAYS got my back.  I'm truly blessed.  

I've got the world's greatest best friends.  No really, I do.  Sorry you may think your's are wonderful, but mine are AWESOME! (ok ok, maybe your's are awesome too, but if you met mine you'd think they were fantastic too)  I've been spending a lot of time with my best friend Bugs since Thursday.  Hanging out with her lately has felt like I was on a vacation.  As weird as that sounds, it truly has.  She helped me clear my head after feeling like my heart crumbled inside my chest this last week.  Friday night we went over to my cousin's house to do some scrapbooking with a friend and had a FANTASTIC night!  SO much fun! Then yesterday (Saturday) her husband took us out to lunch to Phil's BBQ....followed by some scrapbook shopping! SO MUCH FUN!  Later that night Bugs and I went to a wedding reception and hung out afterwards.  Being with her has helped remind me of what matters most, what I've always wanted and what I can achieve in this lifetime and eternity.  

Today I got to talk to one of my FAVORITE companions and best friend StephyPooh. Oh I love her so! It was such a refreshing phone call.  Man, I love her phone calls....constant belly aching laughing!!!  She taught me something new about marriage that I had never heard before, but man, it was VERY enlightening.  

I feel as though my Heavenly Father has blessed me with the very choicest of friends, especially best friends.  I couldn't be any happier.   I feel like I've been blessed 1001% this past week, in the Friend department.  Even though I had a rough week, I've been EXTREMELY blessed and happy since then. 

"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow"

'Not so bad' Thursday...

Today started off HORRIBLY! It was RIDICULOUSLY HORRIBLE!! Then it got SADLY WORSE.  

BUT...

It ended on a very happy note and now I'm listening to Frank Sinatra.  

How much better can it get?

Can I just say how truly grateful I am for best friends?! No really, I've got the world's greatest best friend.  She's more like a sister.  She knows me so well.  She knows my heart and always wants the best for me.  Tonight she really cheered me up after showing up to her house in tears. I left feeling 500% better!!  I'm so extremely happy.  I could cry (good cry) I'm so happy.  She said EXACTLY what I needed to hear, not wanted-but NEEDED.  She reminded me of my worth and potential.  She reminded me of all the little things I had forgotten.  I lost focus of what I wanted in an eternal marriage and potential husband.  I can't settle, I know better...I deserve better.  

Man, I owe the most humble prayer of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for another chance to find true happiness in love and to thank Him for giving me the BEST best friend EVER. 

Facebook status wisdom?

"Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change!"

Definitely makes me think a bit....

This is my day...

Today, I'm washing my hands.  I'm finished. I'm done being hurt, lied to and feeling sad.  I will not allow anyone to hurt me, anymore. I thought I could trust a dear, close friend whom I thought I had the deepest of feelings for.  Sadly, I was wrong.  Very wrong.

So to this friend, JBE, have a nice life.  Do NOT call me or contact me in anyway.  You say you love me, but you don't...let's just be honest here.  I've come to realize that you ALWAYS need attention from women.  It's as though you're a womanizer.   I do not trust you anymore.  I'm done thinking I was your "one and only".  I know you were for me, but it doesn't matter.

Today I'm washing my hands, once and for all....

DONE! SO FREAKIN' DONE!

MAN!! Have you ever had one of those days where you just wanted to throw in the towel and escape?!? OH MAN!! TODAY'S THAT DAY FOR ME!! 

I just want to scream!!

I just want to drive and keep driving and drive some more!

I'm just so tired of the BS!

I'm tired of the runaround.  the lies.  the mundane.  the unfortunate crap that is my life this very second!  UGH.  

I just want to take a road trip.  Maybe somewhere far....maybe New Jersey.  

I'm so tired of the "whooshing" sound in my ear.  The last 6 months have been HORRIBLE & TIREDSOME.  I want it to go away.....24/7 CONSTANT.  It impairs my hearing and makes me feel like I'm going freakin'  crazy!  I try to look on the bright side of working at the Temple, but it's hard when it's dead silent and that's ALL I can hear.  GRRR!!!  

Tonight, I just wanna cry.   After a bad day, I just wanted to turn to the one person I thought I could trust.  I've come to find out that it's just a facade.   I hate trusting people, I do, I truly do.   Why can't people be upfront & honest? Really, why not??  I'm done, I'm so freakin' done.

G'nite.