"Sometimes, we do hard things."

That's what I kept telling myself over and over and over today during my Softball game.  
It was the only thing I could really do to hold back the tears of frustration.  
I just feel like the weakest link on my team.  I kept thinking of how I could possibly tell Sonny that it might be best if I ask my nephew to play the rest of the season for me.  


When I last spoke with Swiss, he was asking me which type of challenge I would prefer; physical or mental.  He likes mental challenges, whereas I would opt for the physical one.  I know what I look like, I know my body type, so I would much rather prove someone wrong for thinking that I couldn't handle something physical.  Who knew that I would be eating my words shortly after that conversation.    


I just get so damn nervous on the playing field that I literally can't think straight.  I feel like I'm just an embarrassment to the rest of my team. I HATE being the weakest link.  While I was playing catcher during the last inning, I was at the pinnacle of frustration.  When the umpire finally called 'game', I just wanted to grab my stuff and leave....there was no way I could hold back the tears anymore.   I stuck around for Sonny's pep talk and then darted for Tat's car.  I felt a lil bad for leaving Tat behind, but when he asked why I was walking away so quickly, I told him I didn't want to cry in front of the rest of the team.  Some people punch a wall, others walk it off...for me, it comes out through tears.  Why did I sign up for this? I guess because every other time I've played Softball, it's been FUN and amongst a wonderful comfort zone of friends! 


I want to quit, but I don't want to be a "quitter".  I know I need to suck it up and try harder...or try something...but just TRY.  I don't care what Yoda says, sometimes one has to TRY in order to DO.  

Stick to your task till it sticks to you;

Beginners are many, but enders are few. 

Honor, power, place and praise

Will come, in time, to the one who stays.

Stick to your task till it sticks to you;

Bend at it, sweat at it, smile at it too;

For out of the bend, and the sweat, and the smile

Will come life's victories, after a while. 

Sunday Seafood & Saturday Softballl & Scriptures.

Yesterday was my parents' 50th anniversary.  We went to South Bay Fish & Grill to celebrate it.  I liked the idea of eating seafood on the harbor. Makes me think of last Sunday's date with Swiss.  Oh Swiss....  I was suppose to see him today, but was with family instead.  Our next date will be at the airport. I know...THE AIRPORT!!! I'm excited because I really like the airport here in San Diego! It just makes me so happy to see.  It's quite the beauty!  I think the airport is under appreciated because most people are rushing around and are too busy to notice how great of a place it is.  I've always wanted to have a date there because I never really get to eat there.  I also I like watching people.  Have you ever noticed how happy some people are there?  I love flying in to San Diego because even after I've gone somewhere else, I get to come home to SAN DIEGO!!!!  America's Finest City!  I LOVE IT HERE!!

Yesterday was also our first softball game. Oh man.... I somehow need to lose 100 lbs. by our next game. Man oh man, I am NOT a runner. I need to be.  I also need to be better at batting. I mean, Tat and I went to the batting cages the night before and I totally rocked it!  But man, the next day, I SUUUUUUUCKED!!!!  Seriously, I couldn't hit the ball to save my life.  What the heck?!?!   Ugh.....   I was nervous as heck!!! My heartbeat was racing and practically pounding through my chest!!!!  I can just kiss Sonny {formerly known as, "Iam"} goodbye.  Seriously.  I was a pathetic excuse of a player yesterday. I feel VERY humbled because I was totally out of my element. I was scared of the ball.   I was hit during church softball once, so I've been traumatized ever since.  But still... I'm pretty sure Sonny thinks I'm a complete idiot. I couldn't really face him at church today.  I doubt I'll be talking to him much outside of softball now.  By the way, our team name is, "The Dirty Pickles".  Not really my favorite.  I submitted the name, "Pitch Slap" because I can't help but chuckle every time I hear it. :)  As for the rest of the team, I totally like them all.  They're all chill and GREAT players!  I think I'm the weakest link. :( 

Today at church, I was a lil bummed. Happy to have my friend Ame back but sad that Vans wasn't there. He moved out of the ward last week.  He was my first friend in the ward and reminded me of Mr. Red and all of our times of hangin' out at church together.  I'm bummed but I know he'll be happier in his new ward.  I'm oh so grateful to have Ame back in town.  She's such a cool, chill chick!!

I was reading Mosiah 25-28 {Book of Mormon} today during Sacrament Meeting and thoroughly enjoying it. I haven't studied from the BOM in a long time and in the last blessing I received from my awesome Home Teacher, I was advised to read the scriptures more and pray a lot more.  I can't wait to read more from Mosiah and start Alma. I know I didn't exactly start reading the BOM from the beginning, but let's just be grateful I'm reading it again.  I can't help but feel like I need to make some course corrections in my life.  I'm so thankful for the opportunity I had to read the scriptures.  I NEED to start doing that more often. A LOT more often.  

So much for the whole, "NO GUYS IN MAY" goal....

I went on a {first} date tonight. Oh man, I had a terrific time!  I couldn't stop smiling and laughing.  We went to Island Prime and the view was just so spectacular! It was right on the waterfront, and I faced the Coronado bridge and Downtown San Diego. LOVED IT!!!  "Swiss" was oh so funny!!! Seriously, I had a marvelous time! My food was superb and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was nervous at first, but it was so easy to relax and be myself with him.  Afterwards, we walked around Harbor Island and talked for a very long time. I just couldn't stop laughing. Plus, I really like his Swiss accent. It's almost like a Minnesota/Canadian accent.  Seriously, such a fun & delicious night!

I talked with Iam today at church. SWOOOOOOOOOOOOON!! Seriously, I think he is adorably HOT!  We were talking about our upcoming Softball league season.  I just love love love watching him talk.  His face scrunches up in the oddest and cutest ways! We talked for a bit and I just grew anxiously excited for Tuesday night's team meeting at Phil's BBQ.  Man oh man, I cannot wait til I get to see him almost all the time! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! He's so damn cute and his body is just rockin'!! My gosh, he's very athletic, about 6'2, brown hair, hazelish eyes (I think? I was a lil too nervous to remember exactly what they looked like today) and a slammin' body! HOT!  

Ok, I need a cold shower.  G'nite.