Friday, February 25, 2011

Well here's my heart on my sleeve....

....just because I have no girlfriends to talk to about this right now....

So my evening out with BobCat was very interesting. I had a wonderful time with him. He was A LOT cuter than I remembered. My goodness, TOO CUTE!! I LOVED LOVED LOVED his body and how small I felt next to him. I felt so petite and ladylike. I loved the way his arms wrapped around my body and how my head was just right on his chest (whenever we sat or walked or just cuddled). The conversation was great and positive. I got to know him a lil more and there's a lot more to him than just the football jock that one would assume him to be. I like finding depth to a man, that's sexy as hell. He also smelled soooooooo yummy! It was very easy to find ways to stay warm with him.
Will I be seeing him again? Hmm... Possibly. As friends and ONLY friends? Most likely.
We talked about different topics and one of them happened to be sex. Usually when sex is discussed, my virginity is brought up...which always ends up being a deal breaker. That happened to be the case tonight, but it wasn't a terrible thing--as it usually is. The date ended well and it didn't feel as though it was the END of ever seeing BobCat. I did feel like I was automatically put into the "Friends Zone", but I'm perfectly okay with that. He felt so bad that I came to terms with it so quickly, he wasn't expecting me to react like that. When you're a 30 year old virgin breaking the news of 'abstinence' to a man, one learns to not have any expectations afterwards.
BobCat is such a sweetheart, a definite heart of gold. It was cute when he turned to me on the way home and said, "You are an awesome and amazing woman. If I ever find a friend worthy of a relationship with you--and willing to wait--then I will send him your way." We were even texting after he got home....he's still so sweet and thanked me for the wonderful evening and company.
Oh well, ya win some and ya lose some. Somehow, I think I just broke even tonight. :)

Mmmm Friday.....

I like when Friday night means "Date Night". Not always the biggest fan of first dates...I always get so nervous. It's very seldom when I don't get nervous. I just can't help it.
Hmmm, so I've got a date with BobCat tonight. So far, he seems like a really sweet guy. I totally LOOOOOVE that he's 6'5 and use to play Football in college. I love feeling small :) We're gonna go grab a bite to eat and then go to one of my FAVORITE SD spots. I'm stoked. So far he does a really good job at making me smile....let's see if he keeps that up tonight. ♥

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Oh Thursday!!

I seriously LOVE Thursdays way too much....

I love my blue fish bag named "Jonah".

I love looking at photos like this:

and this:

And most especially when Mama McK brings treats for Jonah:

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My new lil gem!!!

Isn't this just the coolest bag EVER?!?!? I found it at a thrift store yesterday for $2.00!
The good part: It's TOTALLY unique!! (it has a zipper on top as well as it's mouth! :] I love opening up the mouth zipper and showing friends.)
The bad part: My 9 year old niece also wants it.
That's probably not a good thing that my niece and I have the same taste in bags. Should I really be this giddy over a fish shaped bag?!? She asked if she could have it when I die. Morbid!! But I told her that I'm taking it with me! (just kiddin'...sorta)
Seriously, I LOOOOOOOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! I love showing it to all of my friends. It makes them all smile! I even drove over to Mr. Red's place just to show him. He matched my enthusiasm and then said, "I can only be so excited over it Ehu, I've got testicles".
Oh well, I'm still so stoked about it. It TOTALLY makes me smile!
L♥VE IT!!!

p.s. I've named him "JONAH" :)

Monday, February 21, 2011

Sunday Dinner.

Good. Very good.


Last night, a friend came over for Sunday dinner. I made pot roast, mashed po-po's, carrots and corn. My sister made Apple Crisp for dessert. It was a very lovely dinner.
There's something to be said about letting someone into your personal world. I wasn't as nervous as I could have been about my friend meeting my family....since he's been around a majority of them. I guess it was the fact that he was going to be in close contact with my parents--who tend to say EVERYTHING, ANYTHING & WAY TOO MUCH. But it was also the fact that when you're at home amongst family, you let your guard down. I think that's when you can really get to know someone. I liked him being part of my "world". I didn't feel nervous or anxious about the dinner. Surprisingly, it was very pleasant--when I wasn't overthinking. (I know, that's such a contradiction....but so am I, at times.) He was such a good sport, as tired as he was. He put up with all the crazy family antics and was so kind and patient with my lil niece. I think my favorite times from last night's dinner was when he just knew why I reacted a certain way to some situations....I didn't have to say anything, he just knew. And...when my niece, sister and I were dancing around to "Valerie" in the kitchen--it was fun and I didn't think twice about looking like a fool. I like having my guard down with him. I never feel judged and that's so wonderful. He's definitely a friend to keep.

Good food + Great company = Blessing ♥

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Saturday is [sometimes] a special day....

It's very rare when I thoroughly enjoy a Saturday. I'm ok with Saturdays, but it's Thursdays that I love.
Today happens to be that exception.
I saw Captain today. My gosh, that man has a body worth worshiping. Oh how I love firemen! :) Anyways, talked with him for a bit which was a nice surprise at today's Volleyball game. My "adopted" Mama & Papa came to the game to support me and their daughter--who happened to coach the team we played today. I love Mama & Papa McK. They are so very dear to me. After the game I went over to my friend CC's for brunch. Oh her lovely Nana makes such DELICIOUS Mexican food!!! Chorizo con huevos, tortillas, jamon & pancakes. YUMMY YUM YUM!!! It was just a chill afternoon with her and her family. Came home, took a nap and then went grocery shopping with my sister. I love hangin' out with my sister. She's the best. My friend Mr. Beautiful called me up asking about a town here in SD, since he's thinking of attending school here. Wow, that would be sweeeeeeeet. He's funny, easy on the eyes and really fun to talk with. We'll see how that all pans out. Hmmm...and I'm stoked about tomorrow. Oh, it'll be a fun day. Happy, very very happy.

p.s. and why the hell am I looking at engagement photos when I should be doing my homework that's due in 2 hours?!? (answer: because it's fun to daydream sometimes)

Happiness on a Friday night.

I talked to my friend tonight.
He said it was forgiven and forgotten.
And I am very happy.
The world is complete again.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Thursday 17

Today is Thursday.

Normally, it's my FAVORITE day of the week.

I'm still not over feeling my regret. I can't help but think of it. I feel like I lost a friend. I don't like losing friendships. I guess only time will tell...

Well, today the sun is out. It's warm, when it should be raining. I get to see my friends tonight and play Volleyball. I'm still so blessed to have many people in my life that love me and I love back.

I'm not perfect, this I know.

As a friend helped remind me the other day, "Just like you tell the girls you coach, 'Shake it off and focus on what's in front of you now.' ".

That's all I can do.

That's what I get to do.

Happy Thursday.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


It's not often that I feel regret. However, I've been feeling it a lot in the last few days.
I wish I could take back something I said. Something that was told to me in confidence, I ended up sharing with my own confidante. But it wasn't mine to share and I shouldn't have. I KNOW I shouldn't have. When my friend asked me about it this past weekend, I tried to lie and say that I didn't tell anyone. But I did. And immediately I confessed that I betrayed his trust and had lied about it just seconds before. I broke two of my own cardinal rules--I betrayed trust and was dishonest. Hypocrisy, dishonesty and regret are amongst the worst feelings in the world.
I felt lower than dirt. I still feel lower than dirt.
Although I apologized profusely to this friend, I still don't believe that he forgives me. I feel like things are different in our friendship. I'm pretty sure they are. Trust is not something given, it's something earned. I hope one day this friend forgives me and allows me to earn his trust back. Until then, my heart hurts...

Monday, February 14, 2011

Because it's Valentine's Day....

Sometimes, I think it's good to remember what I love......

♥ I love my family. ♥ I love that my nephews have girlfriends that they love (and loves them back). ♥ I love having an awesome sister. ♥ I love my very girly niece. ♥ I love the fact that I'll see my missionary nephew in about 6 months! ♥ I love deep pink roses. ♥ I love Lindor chocolates. ♥ I love Philadelphia, PA and can't wait to see it again. ♥ I love Elder & Sister McKenzie. ♥ I love the way Mr.Red smells so delicious. ♥ I love StephyPooh and her golden heart. ♥ I love Hermanita and miss her dearly. ♥ I love the beach. ♥ I love playing the piano. ♥ I love Sunday Naps. ♥ I love music and crave it daily. ♥ I love Thursdays. ♥ I love pizza! ♥ I love working towards my Bachelors degree. ♥ I love cuddling. ♥ I love making out. ♥ I love my pretty red car. ♥ I love crimson. ♥ I love all my dear friends. ♥ I love my friendship with Doc. ♥ I love the beach. ♥ I love to sing. ♥ I love bubble baths. ♥ I love the Hotel Del Coronado. ♥ I love mint ice cream. ♥ I love The Godfather trilogy. ♥ I love peppermint oreos. ♥ I love Kihei, Maui. ♥ I love being sarcastic. ♥ I love living in San Diego. ♥ I love being in Love. ♥

Friday, February 11, 2011


5 Faves for Friday.....

1. Jack Johnson.....he makes life so much better. I'm so thankful for his music. I once met this guy who had never heard of the greatness of Jack, it made me so sad for him. I love Jack, he makes a bad day good and a good day better. "Waking up too early, Maybe we can sleep in, I'll make you banana pancakes...".

2. My Sister, Bec..... She makes my life better. I couldn't have been blessed with a more caring, loving, kind and trusting person in my life. I love our 'girl talk' moments and just hangin' out with her. She has a good and warm heart. Anyone would be so lucky to call her a friend. I'm tremendously blessed to call her my friend and sister. ♥

3. Friends....Can you imagine what like would be like without friends?? I mean, really, it'd be like a rosebush without roses. They make life sweeter amongst the thorns of life. I'm lucky to have the friends that I have in my life. They enrich my life so much, each and everyone of them, no matter the distance. I love them all dearly.

4. The Crushed Ice Machine @ Costco.....seriously, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!! As I type this, my mouth is already watering. Plus I need some pizza today!!! OH YUM!!

5. Mr.Red........although we haven't known each other very long, I'm so grateful for his friendship. I'm thankful that I can tell him ANYTHING & EVERYTHING and he never treats me any differently. He doesn't make me feel lame or stupid for some of the crazy/random things I've thrown his way. He's a very trustworthy person and in my book, that means the world to me. Of all the friendships that I've made this past year, his is the one I treasure most.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


I need to buy a calendar.

I woke up in a frantic panic right now, thinking I had to call my advising counselor at BYU-Idaho. I thought today was my appointment to call. I even put it in my phone for today.

I logged on to the website ready to write down any questions I may possibly have for her and then noticed the date of my actual appointment.

February 15.

Note to self: Today is February 10.

Hellooooooooooo Ehu?!?!!


Maybe I need better glasses while I'm at it, too.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

2 things:

Why I won't be a good Mom someday:

1. Today I'm feeling under the weather, like the beginning stages of a cold. When I'm sick, I become like a baby....I don't like doing anything for myself. I'm very helpless. I was VERY spoiled growing up, whenever I was sick. Maybe it was the fact that I was the youngest & only daughter, so my Dad always made sure my Mom would dote on well as other family members. They would always come in to check on me and make sure I had everything I needed or wanted. SPOILED, I tell you!! Now when I'm sick, I still get in that helpless mode. I even had an Ex walk 2 miles to my house to bring me medicine and chocolate one Summer day when I had a cold. He just sat by my bedside ready to do whatever I asked. This is not good if I ever have children someday. I can't be sick and helpless. Man, that's gonna be hard....

2. I want to have sons someday. I want them to be Mama's boys, but MANLY Mama's boys. However, I know I will have a hard time cutting the apron strings from them. Hell, I'm overprotective on my own nephews and sometimes can't even stand the fact that they're growing up so quickly. Heaven knows I haven't made it easier on some of my nephews' girlfriends. I have no idea how my sister does it. I just want them to stay widdle (little) and away from girls and not get married. I might just turn out like Jane Fonda's character from "Monster-in-Law". No joke.

Z'good, Z'bad & Z'ugly....

The Good:
I got to hang out with Mr. Red tonight. I had A LOT of fun with him. I love the way he thinks and the conversation we had walking around town.

The Bad:
I bought Vanilla & Mint Oreos today. No bueno.

The Ugly:
I can feel a cold coming on and this is NOT good. I don't know if it's from visiting with my friend today, who has the flu....damn, I hope not. I've never had the flu before.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Just walk it off.....

I never like getting overwhelmed and that's what happened last night. I forgot to NOT let it get to that point. It was just a lot to take in, in one day....a massive amount of homework on top of it too! I needed a way to handle it. Part of me wanted to punch a wall--not wise since I don't want a broken hand or a hole in a wall. So I went for a looooooooong walk. It was cold out, but it was refreshing. I walked up and down the hill near our house. It was just a GREAT way to clear my head, plus the exercise wasn't half bad. By the time I returned back to the house, I felt SO. MUCH. BETTER. !!! I think I've just found a new way to relieve stress. :)

Breathe Ehu, just breathe....

Saturday, February 5, 2011


I hate when I'm so damn overwhelmed and frustrated. When the water works start and can't stop, for a while.

I'm just so damn frustrated today. I'm coaching the young women from my family ward (congregation) for their Volleyball season. I started doing that about 12 years ago. Girls from my first few Vball teams are now married and working on/already have 2 children now. Even girls from my old "Achievement Days" (8-12 year olds) from before my mission, are now getting married. In fact, I just got an invite for one of them a couple days ago. I look around and it seems like all my friends are getting married, having children and working on their families.

I love a man that will ONLY ever think of me as a friend. That hurts. I almost rather not have him in my life at all then. Hell, I can't even get a boyfriend, let alone a husband. I'm so tired of my life feeling stagnant.

I went by my friend Reed's house today. I was outside playing with her lil girls. Her youngest wanted to sit in my lap to warm up. As she snuggled into me, I kept thinking, "I'll probably never have the blessing of my own children".

This very second, as I try to type this, I'm crying and tearing up so badly. Am I asking too much to get married in this lifetime? Apparently I am. I miss being in a relationship. I miss having someone to hold and say, "I love you" and NOT mean it in a friendly way. I want to have someone I can trust and be vulnerable with. I hate being alone.... and life is really looking like it's gonna be like that.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Thursday's wrap up....

Yesterday was FUN FUN FUN!!! I had a wonderful lunch with Mamacita and got to visit with all of my ol' co-workers. I got to see Mr.NY, and he's just as handsome as I last remember him. And his eyes were just as beautiful as well. I don't think I'll ever get over that man, he is just too hot for words!! It was so lovely getting to catch up with my dear friend. I've missed working with her! We got along so well, except for one terrible incident brought on by a stupid co-worker. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed working with her and spending time with her warm family. It was a great lunch!

Had dinner with my family at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants. It was nice, but I missed my nephews there. Sometimes it's lonely and too quiet when they're not around. I don' t know how I'll ever be a Mother someday. I'm going to suffer terribly from "Empty Nest" syndrome. Had a great dinner with them, the food was so delicious. I love Chinese New Years!

Went to class and got to hang out with some of my friends. Sat next to "Boots" and that was fun, as always. I like "Boots", he's a really nice guy.....but he's engaged to be married. Somehow I always end up in the 'friends zone' with men, one way or another.... Anyways, Boots had to teach class last night and it was a pretty cool class. Afterwards he came to watch me play Volleyball. He sent me a text this morning saying that I take Volleyball way to seriously and I looked intimidating..... a compliment for sure! :) Had a great game of Volleyball last night. FUN TIMES!

All in all, it was a VERY WONDERFUL Thursday :)

Thursday, February 3, 2011


Why today's Thursday is particularly AWESOME!!! :

-Well first off, it's Thursday!!! :)

-I'm going to Alex's Brown Bag to have my FAVORITE Philly Cheesesteak burger!! YUMMY YUM YUM!!

-I'll be eating there with my ex-assistant, Mamacita!! I totally miss working with her! I always look forward to any chance we get to hang out. Plus I'll get to see all my ol' Mr.NY. Awww....


I truly love today. Best. Thursday. Ever. ....this year, (thus far)!!

And it'll just get better tomorrow......OH YEAAAAAH!!!

( ( ( ( KUNG HEI FAT CHOY!!! ) ) ) )

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Since last time....

-Well, my song went really well. I was so pleased with it!! The only part I wasn't TOTALLY happy with was the end. It's a song of Christ's time in the Garden of Gethsemane & the Atonement. So by the end, I got emotional--not extremely emotional but I didn't hold some notes as long as I should have. I was a lil nervous, my hands shook, but I'm glad I didn't have more 'vibrato' to my voice. A lot of friends and strangers came up to express their surprise that I could sing and how well I did so. I was even more grateful that my family came to my congregation to hear me, it really meant a lot to me.

-I'm so thankful for friends who would smile when I looked at them, during my song. Man, I am not a naturally born smiler like my BFF StephyPooh, so I need some encouragement with that sometimes. And for those who sent text messages immediate following my number. Ooooh Mr.Red.....

-Sometimes I forget that I'm a BYU student now, which means that I can't hate on BYU anymore. :-/ It's always so fun to do so.

-Tomorrow I'm going to eat FroYo with Cuz in Coronado. He's the cousin of one of my friends, and he happened to attend BYU-Hawaii. He's a cool guy and I wanted to show him around my favorite town, Coronado.

-I'm stoked for Thursday! My friend will be teaching class, so I'm excited to hear him speak!

-And Friday...oh, I can't wait til Friday!! :) THE GODFATHER MARATHON DAY!!

-Saturday, my girls have their first Volleyball game of the season. I'm stoked for them!!

-Oh Sunday, I can't wait to see so many hot guys at church. It pays to be religious sometimes ;)
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