Saturday, June 9, 2012

"Sometimes, we do hard things."

That's what I kept telling myself over and over and over today during my Softball game.  
It was the only thing I could really do to hold back the tears of frustration.  
I just feel like the weakest link on my team.  I kept thinking of how I could possibly tell Sonny that it might be best if I ask my nephew to play the rest of the season for me.  

When I last spoke with Swiss, he was asking me which type of challenge I would prefer; physical or mental.  He likes mental challenges, whereas I would opt for the physical one.  I know what I look like, I know my body type, so I would much rather prove someone wrong for thinking that I couldn't handle something physical.  Who knew that I would be eating my words shortly after that conversation.    

I just get so damn nervous on the playing field that I literally can't think straight.  I feel like I'm just an embarrassment to the rest of my team. I HATE being the weakest link.  While I was playing catcher during the last inning, I was at the pinnacle of frustration.  When the umpire finally called 'game', I just wanted to grab my stuff and leave....there was no way I could hold back the tears anymore.   I stuck around for Sonny's pep talk and then darted for Tat's car.  I felt a lil bad for leaving Tat behind, but when he asked why I was walking away so quickly, I told him I didn't want to cry in front of the rest of the team.  Some people punch a wall, others walk it off...for me, it comes out through tears.  Why did I sign up for this? I guess because every other time I've played Softball, it's been FUN and amongst a wonderful comfort zone of friends! 

I want to quit, but I don't want to be a "quitter".  I know I need to suck it up and try harder...or try something...but just TRY.  I don't care what Yoda says, sometimes one has to TRY in order to DO.  

Stick to your task till it sticks to you;
Beginners are many, but enders are few. 
Honor, power, place and praise
Will come, in time, to the one who stays.

Stick to your task till it sticks to you;
Bend at it, sweat at it, smile at it too;
For out of the bend, and the sweat, and the smile
Will come life's victories, after a while. 

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