Wednesday, February 24, 2016

8 Days.

It's 10:21pm.... Not really in the mood for a structured blog, so we'll go with random points.

-I have only worked 8 full days, this month. EIGHT!! That's insane. Due to my aunt's passing, I had 3 days off bereavement, a holiday & 4 days of due to sickness.

-So I've been off for the last 4 business days/6 days total due to Pneumonia. FRIGGIN PNEUMONIA!! I never want this damn thing again! It totally wiped me out! My lungs/ribs have never hurt so bad because of such awful coughing fits. It's been bad. 

-I go back to work tomorrow. I've never had this much time off of work before. I wish I could say I did something productive, but I think working on my health was productive enough.

-I'm still coughing quite a bit, but at least my voice is not as hoarse as Friday morning.

-I have more on my mind, but I think I'm getting sleepy.

-Last night's dinner: Homemade soup & garlic cheese rolls.... All because nothing was on tv, but Food Network was popping!

Monday, February 22, 2016

Things that bug me the waiting room.

*When this guy thinks the "if you're coughing, please use a mask" sign doesn't apply to him...and he's coughing all over the place. (That's the 3rd chair he sat on)

*Why can't medical waiting rooms ever have something educational or beneficial on their televisions? Please no talk shows or soap operas. I'm here to feel better, it wouldn't hurt to feel mentally better, too.

*When you're under the weather, but your body wants the air conditioner on, while you want to wear a sweater.

*Wanting to sleep but your lungs want to cough and cough and cough.

* Feeling like you're only getting about 10% of air through this face mask. Yet it also somehow serves as a sauna for your lower face.

*Funny how me and the kid across from me, who's also wearing a mask, hasn't coughed. But those not wearing a mask are coughing, quite a bit. 

* I'm done....and still waiting to be seen.

The Cube Life x 2!

Out of respect for my cube mate, who also went up for the same job position, I've been trying to curb my enthusiasm for my new position.  Whenever anyone's come by to talk to me about it, they usually ask if I'm excited for my new job.  The last thing I want to do to my cube mate is rub her face in it, so I really downplay my emotions about it.  But honestly...I'm pretty friggin' ecstatic!  The last lady who had the position raved about how awesome it was to work in that department.  Nan used to be on my current team, but left to fill the position back in October.  She recently got a new job at a different firm, so it opened the Money Judgment Processor position.  
I can't believe I showed up to the interview wearing dark blue jeans and my new bear shoes....but I did!  I LOVED the way I had the two interviewers laughing!  Seriously, there was a lot of awesome vibes and good laughter!  One of my favorite questions was, "As a manager, it's important to hire someone who gets along with the team, but also gets their work done.  Which would be more important to hire; a hard worker who may or may not get along with the team or someone that has a great personality that gets along with everyone but doesn't quite get the work done?"  To which I said, "Well, lucky for you two, I'm both!"  Seriously, I felt like it was such a ballsy answer, but they loved it and laughed so hard and said, "I like that answer!!".  It was awesome!  I felt terrific about the interview!
When my cube mate got back from the interview, I'm not gonna lie, I was a lil worried. We were cordial towards each other and even had dinner w/ a couple others that evening. 
When I found out I got the job, I only told one other person at work. I didn't want my cube mate to find out from someone in the office, other than HR.  
A couple days ago, I found out from a team member, that my cube mate seriously thought she aced the interview and that the job was definitely hers.  She had no doubt that she clinched the new position!  From what I was told, she was sure that with her background there was no way the job would go to me.  It was a little enlightening to hear this.  Honestly, I would have been happy either way.  Just hearing all of this made me think one thing; don't ever count me out.  
With that said, I'm so stoked to be moving to this way awesome department.  Everyone I've talked to has only said the nicest and most exciting things about this department.  Nan told me that they have food in the kitchen, a lot!  It seems like every Friday, someone is buying food for the department.  I'm a fan of free lunches!  It helps that 95% of the attorneys for the firm are in this department.  Plus, Nan told me that my new manager is way awesome and super nice! I'm way stoked!  I'm also looking forward to decorating my new & bigger cubicle. 

I can't wait! Maybe I want to buy more plants?  I don't know....but I can't wait to find out how this will all turn out!  

Sunday, February 21, 2016

"Urgent Care"


I've been down and out for the last 2.5 days.  This is the worst cold/sickness that I've ever had.  Seriously, I feel like all my body wants to do is cough and cough and cough.  I can't even take a deep breath without any type of irritation in my throat, which just leads to more coughing.  I HATE IT. 
I tried to go to Urgent Care today but they wouldn't see me without permission from my doctor....who of course is not in his office on a Sunday. FML. I'm so mad.  Urgent Care said that I could try seeing them without my insurance but fees start at $125.  It makes me mad because why pay for insurance when it doesn't come in handy in the moment you need it?!?!?  So friggin' mad.  My chest feels heavy and I just want to cough everything out of passageways.  I just HOPE Levi doesn't catch whatever funk it is that I have.  Plus, I'm so fatigued.  I get winded just walking around our apartment.  How the hell am I suppose to try to go to work tomorrow?!? UGH...I HATE getting sick.  Why can't people stay home from work when they're sick?!?
**TIP OF THE DAY: Please use your own sick time so others don't have to.**

Saturday, February 20, 2016

My piano & "bench".

I love having a piano at home again. Sure, it's not an upright like my last one, but it totally serves its purpose. This was the kindest gift my cousin Fray could have given me; my Aunty Keala's piano. 
It makes me think that she used to practice on it before playing the organ at church, just like we both used to do for our own individual wards that shared the same chapel. I like practicing on it. It's such a nice way to unwind I the evenings, after work. 
My favorite part about it is the "piano bench". If you look close enough you'll see the corner of our marble coffee table. Since our living room is a bit small, it would be hard to pull over one of our kitchen chairs. So we both decided that we could push the coffee table up to the piano and I'd sit on that.
As funny as it sounds (and probably as you are picturing), it actually works out perfectly! I am not worried about this coffee table, at all. This thing was made to be sat upon. The marble top and legs are so thick, that there is no way this table is gonna crack or break! I love it. I seriously love the hilarity of the situation. This is just one of those things that I know Levi and I will look back on and laugh. One of those memories that we'll share with our children & grandchildren, someday.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Bad things in 3.

When I was 12 years old, I busted my knee and ended up in a cast. During the three weeks I was to wear the cast, I also ended up with my period and Chicken Pox. I remember my sister picking me up from junior high school saying that bad things always happen in threes.
Today, I woke up without a voice. I have a cold. My left eye was hurting; I now have a sty. This is also the weekend my period starts....or actually started, as in today. Along with the cramps. :(

I don't think my body likes me very much today. 


Thursday, February 18, 2016

New Adventure!

The week my aunt passed away, I found out there was a position opening up in our Eviction department. My mind was a little scattered the day I returned back to work, but I submitted my cover letter and resume to HR. Later that day, I was invited to interview the next day. HR told me I could still dress down since it was Friday. So I did...
I'm not gonna lie, I was a little nervous when I showed up to work the next day wearing jeans and my new bear shoes while my cubicle mate actually looked like she was going to an interview! (Which she was, also! It was a lil odd to be going up for the same job against my team member and cube mate.)
My interview was first and I've gotta say, I felt great about it! I had them laughing and seriously asking great find out questions. It felt less like an interview because our discussion/conversation led right to the next question they had for me....or somehow I'd answer the next question before it was even asked. Probably the easiest and best interview I ever had! I felt good about it!
And it paid off! I GOT THE JOB!!
Yesterday, I was emailing one of the ladies from my new department regarding a case. She later congratulated me, then sent me the following email: 
When we found out it was you….. we were all very excited.. you are such the perfect fit! When I found out that you interviewed, I kept telling my boss that you would be the best fit for this position! We all did! You’ll be fine!
Just reading that made ne even more excited!!
And my soon to be new cube mate sent me this: Super excited to be working together!! 
I've only heard the nicest and greatest things about my new department and manager. This makes me less nervous and even more excited. I'm not gonna lie, I'll probably feel a lil overwhelmed having attorneys all around me, all the time. I'm sure I'll get used to it. I'm stoked that my bigger cube has a window about 10 feet away. This makes me happy. There are so many things that make me excited for this new change. New adventures are on the horizon!

Monday, February 15, 2016

Monday the 15th.

I've got quite a bit to blog about. Since I'm on my phone, I'll blog more later. 
Today's my 5th day off, in a row. I've never had this much time off before. 
I never understand why I always say I'll take care of all these errands, then when the day comes I think, "It's my day off, why am I giving up a day for myself to take care of all of this?!?" I really need to stop doing this! 
Anyways, I went to sleep late. I just wanna take a nap. :( 

Thursday, February 11, 2016

As of late in early February.

Hair Cut.
My hair was getting too long.  I needed it cut and trimmed up.  It feels so much lighter and cooler.  Thank goodness.  I figured a nice trim before the funeral would be nice. 

Celebratory dinner.
Went out to dinner with my sister and nephew after a funeral viewing, last night.  It was a very delicious Chinese dinner.  I'd like to think it was a lil celebratory dinner for me.  :)

Relief Society Night.
Tuesday evening was my ward's Relief Society activity night.  It was so nice to get to know some of the sisters in my ward.  There was so much laughing! I loved it!

Mission Beach Day.
I had a half day certificate from work, so I took Tuesday afternoon off and headed to the beach.  I haven't been to the beach (in swim clothes) since August 2014. Oh man, it was spectacularly wonderful afternoon.  I LOVED IT!!! I can't wait to get back to the beach.  It also helped that the weather was oh so lovely. 


Valentine's Day wreath.
I had to update our door's wreath. I seriously love our burlap wreath and being able to update it with the seasons & holidays.

Korean BBQ.
Last Friday, I went to Korean BBQ with two of my colleagues and their partners. It was so much fun and full of delicious, scrumptious food!! I can't wait to go again with my Levi. I think he'll enjoy it!

That's it for now....gotta run to an appointment.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Trying to fall asleep with a racing mind...

So many things on my mind...
 -I need to make a doctor's appointment.
 -Possibly big news today or tomorrow.
 - I'm loving my new little piano that belonged to my aunt.
 - I need a haircut. The sides & back feel shaggy.
  - I need to start a Valentine's banner for a girl at work. Wait, that sounds a lil funny. It's for her boyfriend.
 - I need to practice Love One Another several more times, before Friday.
 - Church was good, really really good!
 - I'm thankful for my ever wonderful husband who does so much for me and our home.

 - I need to get to sleep but I'm so wide awake!! :(
 - I need to go grocery shopping for Friday.
- I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to bear my testimony in Relief Society today. I sure do love the sisterhood Relief Society offers. I'm looking forward to our RS activity, this week.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Aunty Keala.

Yesterday, we received the news that my Aunty Keala passed away. 

It was a shock to me because it was so quick, but due to her suffering you can't help but be thankful that it didn't ravage her body any longer. I have so many thoughts, but I can't help but think of the way that I was so individually blessed throughout my day yesterday.
As soon as I heard the news, I left work because I knew my Mom would be at my Dad's treatments and I didn't want her to go through this horrific news alone.  I was worried if she'd be able to drive.  I showed up to my Dad's treatment center and her car was no where insight.  I called her, reached her vm and she called back a minute later.  She already heard the news and took a moment to mourn her sister.  My Mom has a unique way of dealing with death; we all deal with death differently.  Since she said she was alright, I decided to go visit the Buzz family.
The Buzz family means the world to me, I carry them in my heart.  I've mentioned them several times on my blog because I love them as my own family.  I've had the distinct pleasure of watching their family grow and most recently grow again.  Since I was in the area, I swung by their house and held their beautiful baby boy.  It was heavenly.
It was a surreal moment.  I was on very different ends of life; one that ended and one that was barely beginning.  It really affected my heart, yesterday.  It was a beautiful experience, one of many that I was going to have yesterday.  I loved holding that Buzz baby.  It was cool that I got to watch him for a bit yesterday as Reed ran out to go get the rest of the kids.  She told me that I was his first babysitter, just like I was her oldest/twins' first babysitter.  I liked that.  It was a lovely break from mourning.
When I left the Buzz family, I decided it was time to go check in on my Mom who would have finally been home with my Dad.  As I neared their exit, I was on the phone with my sister and we both decided it would be best to check in on my cousin Fray to see if he and his family needed dinner.  As I pulled up to their home, I saw a van also pulling up and thought I had picked the wrong moment to visit them.  As Fray's wife, Holly greeted me at the door she asked if I wanted to spend some time with Aunty Keala.  I was highly confused. I didn't know what she meant.  Since my Aunt was on hospice care at my cousin's home, the funeral home was the van that just pulled up along with me. 
I'm not gonna lie, it was a different type of experience, one that I had never had before.  I'm glad I saw my Aunt 2 weeks ago, so I was somewhat prepared for the scene I was approaching.  I was physically hesitant.  I've only ever seen a dead body in a casket, this was entirely different.  When I walked in, she looked like she was only sleeping.  She looked so much like my Tutu (my grandmother, her mother).  There was a chair next to her hospital bed.  I assumed that this is where I was to sit.  I've always been extremely hesitant to place myself so close to the dead.  My Dad always "joked" that he would jump out of his casket to scare me when he died....not helpful, Dad.  She looked peaceful, almost like a slight smile on her slightly parted lips.  I tried to sit close. I tried to stand over her.  I tried to sit on the twin size bed that was parallel to her bed, just 3 feet away.  I finally sat on the chair, next to her bed, near her head.  I talked to her, but I didn't feel like I was talking to her.  I felt like I was talking to a shell of a body.  I know her spirit wasn't in there, I felt as though her spirit was on the foot of the bed, next to me.  I felt like she was watching me interact with her body, listening to the things I was saying to her, wanting to reassure me that she loved me and forgave me.  I told her that I loved her. I told her to say hi to Kuku and Tutu for me.  I told her that I was so sorry for the way I treated her during the summer when I ignored her at my Dad's rehab center.  I told her that I was only trying to protect my Dad and I know that she was only trying to serve my Mom. I always felt so awful for that and never had the chance to truly apologize for it.  I felt like she knew that I'm my Dad's daughter and she understood.  I felt a small tinge of forgiveness because she's known me all my life and knew how stubborn, how strong-willed I can be like my Dad.  In those few short minutes, I felt like she knew me and loved me for all of my strengths and for all of my shortcomings.  I was ok. 
I could hear the funeral home directors prepare my cousin for the next steps and I felt like my time with my Aunt was coming to a close.  It was a very personal, intimate moment.  One that I doubt that I will ever experience again.  I didn't quite say the words, goodbye.  I left her room and joined Fray's teenage daughter, Ipo on the couch.  When they rolled her body out, I was trying not to cry.  I didn't want to upset her.  It was hard.  I watched her rolled down the hall, through the living room, out the front window and finally placed into the van out the side window.  I couldn't handle it any longer.  I started to sob.  I thought of the family dynamics and how they would change. I thought about family gatherings that would no longer be the same.  I thought about Fray's older daughter who wasn't there and wished she could have been there with us in this very surreal, intimate moment. 
When my cousin came in, he went to my Aunt's room and I heard him wiping something up.  I walked back there and sincerely asked what I could do.  I looked around and knew that this would going to take me out of my comfort zone completely.  I had never felt this surge of service that I just wanted to give to him and his family, but most especially him.  We hugged again and I told him that the only thing that has been giving me peace today was the thought of her being reunited with her long departed husband, Fray's Dad who passed away close to 50 years before.  I didn't mean to make Fray tear up.  I couldn't help but be happy for my Aunt and her union with so many loved ones who had passed on before; my Tutu & Kuku, my Uncle Ned (her younger & only brother), my Uncle Walter (her brother-in-law), and all of her many cousins and friends. 
I left my cousin and Holly to have a moment to themselves.  I started to look at the photos in their living room.  When my cousin came out, we were sitting by ourselves and we started to talk about my Aunt's last day.  I tried to listen and grasp everything he said so I could hold onto it with all my heart.  I tried to listen as my sister would and prayed to know what I could offer in response.  I quickly thought of Job, from the Bible, after he lost everything and everyone he loved...
11 ¶Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.
 12 And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven.
 13 So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.
I just wanted to be this for my cousin.  I just listened and in that moment, he looked so old to me.  Fray has always had a very fun loving, upbeat demeanor about him.  The weight of all of this aged him so much.  We talked for a little bit longer and then he was called away by multiple phone calls.  I ended up visiting with Holly and Ipo and I 'm glad I could be there for them too.  I just wanted to help lighten the air and change the topic of the day for a little bit.  A short while later their good friend and Relief Society president came over with dinner.  I ended up joining them for dinner.  There was a very palpable absence in their home.  I felt like I was intruding on their very personal and intimate evening, yet I felt I always have in their home.  I stayed for another hour and felt like it was time I needed to check in on my Mom. As I left, I hugged all of them and told my cousin to let me know how I could help for her services.  I told him that I would very much like to play the organ for her services. 
My home ward shared the same chapel as my Aunt & cousin's ward.  For a while, I was the organist for my ward as my Aunt as was the organist for hers. While I would play the postlude music at the close of my services, she would come up and sit next to me and we would chat for a little bit.  I didn't mind because she knew how to chat with me as I played the organ; yes/no questions, short stories that needed no verbal response.  Sometimes, she would just sit there and that was nice.  It was something that we had in common, one of the very few hobbies that we shared. 
I visited with my parents for a bit and surprisingly my Mom was ok.  I think she came to terms with it a while back.  I didn't stay long and told them that I would check in tomorrow.  When I was getting ready to leave, our family friend Edge came over from the chapel across the street to check in on my parents.  I stayed a bit longer and he said that he was on his way back to church.  I decided to go with him so I could practice the organ.  It had been so long since I played that organ my Aunt and I used to share.  I could feel her cheering me on.  No different than earlier times, I just couldn't see her but I could feel her presence and see her smile.  I could hear her giving me advice.  I could hear her tell me how much she liked to play the hymns starting at the beginning of the hymn book.  I know I wasn't alone in that chapel, last night.
As I got ready to leave, I walked out to the foyer where two missionaries were just getting ready to leave too.  I was so happy because I didn't want to walk alone in the dark to my car outside the church gates. They walked me to my car as they proceeded to walk on to their apartment.  I had a short friendly chat with one of the Elders who served close to my home in east county.  It was a welcomed distraction. 
Somehow, in my this very sad and grief filled day, I felt blessed by the very personal and individual blessings I had received all throughout my day. The timing of all of these events could only have come from the hand of God. How could I have shown up just moments before my Aunt's body was to be taken away?  How could the timing matched up so perfectly for me to practice the organ last night and then not have to walk alone in the dark?  I know God is so perfectly aware of our needs, our desires, our struggles, our sorrows. I have felt comforted by the Holy Ghost, in the sweet reassurance of families being reunited after this life.  God is very aware of us, very aware of me and I know He loves me. I have felt blessed in my moments of grief.  I know I'll see my Aunt again.  I hope she is talking story with all of our loved ones and enjoying her time with them. 
We will miss her immensely. 
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