Thursday, December 29, 2011

Stood Up.

So I THOUGHT today was gonna be a good day....
...and then I got stood up for my date with Berkeley, tonight.
Yeah, didn't think that was going to happen since he was the one complaining last Friday night about being stood up for his date that night.  
I'd be more mad or pissed, but honestly, I stopped getting my hopes up about dates and whatnot.  
Besides, I've been trying to be 'less invested' with certain friendships and relationships.
Tonight's events don't really make me want to try to ask Oeste out again.  
Really, do I want to be shot down again? 
A heart can only handle so much.  

All the B.S. games and drama.  
Why can't it just be easy, like;
I like you.
Do you like me?
Ok, let's do something about it.

Dear God, 
I hope I don't die 
or alone,
or a virgin. 

ok, I take that back.... I am pissed. Who can't pick up a damn phone and call....or hell, at least drop a text. 

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

If I could...

I would elope. 
I would run off to the Laie, Hawaii LDS temple with my fiance and get married. 
Then we'd spend our Honeymoon in Maui--my favorite place on earth.
I wouldn't tell anyone. I think it'd be fun! Go off on a "vacation" with my fiance and just tie the knot.     
I think there's something so romantic about doing that--just the two of you.  At the end of the day, it'll just be you two...why not start it off that way?  
I have mixed feelings about having people at a wedding.  I always feel like the officiator, no matter what religion, speaks more to the wedding guests than to the couple.  I think more intimate and sacred things would be shared, if only the couple was present.   I don't want a big crowd at my actual ceremony.  I think it's a more intimate, private affair.  If I could truly have it my way, I'd want only my fiance and myself there, with the officiator, of course.    
Then once we were back in San Diego, we'd celebrate it BIG!!!! With GREAT FOOD and GOOD MUSIC!!  And all of our family and friends around!! 
Yep, that's how I would do it.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011


I've had this poem on my mind lately.  I feel like I've been existing and not LIVING.  I need to do more LIVING and not just floating through life. Enjoy this poem, it's one of my favorites....

If I Had My Life to Live Over
by Erma Bombeck
If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

The Gift of GIVING.

As I've been attending the Pacific Beach ward, I've come to learn more about Giving.
One of my favorite Sunday school teachers bears testimony about how he gives every time he can.  If he doesn't have anything to give, he feels it in his heart that if he did have something he would give it.  I like his example. I need to be more like that.  And I tried, one day, not too long ago....
I was walking into Vons and tried to look preoccupied so I could avoid the person who was asking for a handout.  I didn't want to turn down another person because I NEVER have cash on me.  I can't stand turning someone down.  I feel terrible.  As I was shopping, I thought I'd get some food from the deli for the person outside.   Once I was outside, he was no where in sight! Nor did I even know what he looked like, exactly--since I didn't look up, while walking in. My fault.  I circled the parking lot--nothing.  I was so disappointed. Why didn't I tell the stranger to just wait for a few minutes til I came back out? Why didn't I acknowledge him?  I went home and ate the food, but it didn't taste good at all, knowing that it was never intended for me.
A woman in my ward was sharing an experience she had recently about taking a friend to the airport.  After she dropped her off, she took a box of Cuties (oranges) and passed them out downtown to homeless people.  In Relief Society, the teacher shared a scripture with us;
"...Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me." -Matt. 25:45
She emphasized the word, "not".  It made me think, what have I NOT done to others? I thought about my Sunday school teacher, I thought about the man at Vons,  and all the other people I see on the side of the road with their cardboard signs.  
Every morning, when I head into the office, I always see a man at the last stoplight before the office.   I always feel bad because I have nothing to give him.  But I made a decision, I would start to grab an extra fruit when I pack my lunch, so I could give him something.  I couldn't help but think of the above scripture.  When I was denying him food, I was denying serving Christ.  I've decided to make a more a conscious effort to be more giving.  
This past weekend, my nephew Sim reminded me of one of his favorite service moments.  It was a time, when I went out with my nephews to pick up pizza for dinner. I forgot about that time, but I'm grateful for his reminder.  We went to Lil' Cesars to pick up pizzas for the family.  However, we headed back in as I asked my nephews if "they wanted to do something cool!"  I remember they all agreed and lit up.  We got another pizza and headed over to where several homeless people communed together.  I remember once we got back to the car, they were happy and a lil more quiet.  My nephew, then a teenager, said that it really affected him, and he often shared that experience on his mission.  I'm glad he reminded me of that incident.  
After shopping this past Saturday, my niece and I grabbed some Lil Cesars pizza, and finished all but 3 slices.  We tried to give it away, but couldn't find anyone.  We were sad.  We even drove around to find luck.  
But I won't let it stop there.  This is my goal for life... and not just a goal for the holiday, or for the year.  I plan on never taking home 'left overs'/doggy bags.  My goal is to give it away to someone less fortunate, so that I can help someone not go to sleep hungry, at least for one night.  It's the least I can do for another.

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve!

Oh man! Today's Christmas eve.... so much to do and enjoy!

*I'll become the best of friends with scotch tape & wrapping paper. Let's hope I make it out without any cuts!
*I hung out, for the first and last time, with W.Anthony last night.  Now I know why I shouldn't date 25-year-olds...or at least this 25-year-old! Within the first 5 minutes he was demeaning and rude with his teasing.  LAAAAAAAAAME!!! Needless to say, I will NOT be calling him back!

*On a happier note, I'll be going out on a date with Berkeley.  Last night, he called me complaining about the women in his YSA ward flaking out on dates with him.  Berkeley's a really nice guy, intelligent, spiritual, RM, college educated and going back for his Masters in Law, cute, beautiful blue/hazel eyes and lovely smile---quite the catch! My only gripe about Berkeley is that he talks soooooooooooooooooo much!! But he does listen and has a great memory, so at least there's a trade off.  Well, he called me and was majorly bummed. I asked him how he felt about dates and if a woman asked him out on a date, who would pay.  I was kinda joking, thinking he'd know I was teasing, but he seriously said that a man should always pay.  Well, I waited about 2 minutes then said, "Do you have any plans next Friday?"
"I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date with me, to Berta's
I was shocked by his immediate response! But I seriously thought he would have known that I was slightly joking--I wanted to see if he'd catch me trying to score dinner off of him [I would have paid for my own dinner].  But then he made a comment, which now I know that it's a date.  So here's to Berta's next Friday!!   
*I'll be singing in my ol' YSA ward tomorrow. I'm nervous just because our quartet hasn't practiced together and I don't know if the 2 other girls even know the song.  Ugh......  I hope it doesn't bomb.   I'm just excited to see all my friends!! I miss them so much!!  
*I'm stoked to decorate cookies with my niece tonight.  Or maybe tomorrow, since I'm lagging on wrapping gifts. 
*It's 3:30pm and I haven't eaten anything all day......dang, this is gonna be a looooooooong night! 

Merry Christmas Eve!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Bub & Oeste

This past weekend, my nephew Bub and his fiancee came into town for a few days.  It was a very nice visit.  I enjoyed having them here and actually miss them, a lot.  We got to eat at one of their favorite places here in San Diego, Bronx Pizza!  For thin crust/NY pizza, it was REALLY DELICIOUS!!!  We tried going there a year ago, but they closed early for a Christmas Eve party and we ended up at the taco shop next door.  :( Major bummer... but it was definitely worth waiting a year for!
I had tons of fun with them and I'm grateful to have spent time with both of them!! It was a great weekend!!  I can't wait to have them back down here again.
On another note... I did talk to Oeste on Monday night.  After FHE, we talked out in the parking lot, in the rain, for 2 hours.  Well, it wasn't exactly raining, but it was sprinkling and we were standing under a tree. It was kinda sweet.  [cheesy & lame, I know]  We talked about a lot of different things.  My feet practically had frostbite, but it was ALL worth it! :) I liked talking with him, he's really funny and he's smart! Such a hot combo! 
Did I ask him?  Well......... yes, I did. Did he say "yes"?  Nope.  Well, he didn't exactly say "no"....but it's because he left for home today and won't be back til the new year, so I won't be able to complete my last December 2011 goal with him [go to the top of the Hyatt].  So that was my 2nd time I tried to ask him out. The first time wasn't exactly direct, so I'll give him a pass... but I don't know if I want to ask again.  He's a REALLY nice guy and his humor always makes me chuckle. I think he's so endearingly cute and he's intelligent!! He speaks Spanish and has a cute lil smile!! TOTAL SWOON WORTHY!! But I don't know.... we'll see, when I see him in 2 weeks.  Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Monday, December 19, 2011

T-minus 6 days til Christmas!

Man, I hate cramps. A LOT!!! TMI? Hmm....
I wish men would experience cramps. I mean, what's the worst that they go thru? They go bald.  Really, is that the worst that it can get for them? GEEZ!!! Damn cramps.

*My song was....ok.  Those dang G notes are way too dang high.  
*I got talk with Oeste for a while after church. SWOON!! Oh I think he's so endearingly cute!! I MIGHT ask him out tonight. I'm NERVOUS. 
*My dear sweet friend, Britty, just got engaged this weekend! I couldn't be anymore happy for her! Hello June wedding in Utah!
*I love my best friend StephyPooh [now MamaSteph]! Our phone calls are ALWAYS so funny! Like, laugh-til-you-cry funny. She's been the highlight of my day.
*My weekend was SPECTACULAR!! Had the GREATEST time with my nephew Bub & his fiancee!! It was a good "nephew" weekend. I'm so blessed with the BEST nephews anyone could ask for! (and niece too!)
*Did I mention how nervous I am to ask Oeste out?!?  JINKIES!! He's so funny, kind and all around GOOD! We were talking about the word, "ASSUME".  And I told him the break down of it and he said he's never said the "A" word.  Wow... that's good, in my book. 

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Good luck to me & Gesu Bambino!

Man...oh man!
Tomorrow at church, I'll be singing, Gesu Bambino, in a duet.  Typically, I wouldn't mind singing at church....but......
See that VERY top note of "G", that's what I've gotta sing up to!  Lately, my voice has not been hitting those so nicely.  It's screechy!!  In the duet, I'll be singing the higher of the two voices.  I'm getting really nervous because I don't know what to do.  I'm trying to remember all that Hermana R has taught me, but I'm honest to goodness nervous!  Especially since I've gotta sing that note, at least, twice during a solo part. MAN!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!  PLUS, it doesn't help that I'm bloated [read: menstruating].  Hermana R told me that Opera singers sign a contract saying that they cannot perform during their menstruation.  The female body retains water during that time (we already know this), and it also retains water in the vocal chords, thus altering the singing voice.  Don't believe me? Here's a link.

Good luck to me.
Hope I don't embarrass myself TOO badly.  Oh man....and Oeste will be there.

Wish me LOTS and LOTS of luck!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A 6am Quickie...on Dec. 14!

-This past weekend wasn't ANYTHING like this weekend....
-My [home] stake choir did well on musical pieces.  I LOVE singing with the Chula Vista stake choir. I LOVE watching Hermana R lead music.  She's graceful in the way she moves her fingers, hands and arms.   Yet it's also powerful the way she a choir and accompanists at her command.  Love it! Love her!
-Work... Oh, I LOVE work!  Work is wonderful! Even when it gets close to being 'stressful', it really isn't. Sure, I felt a lil overwhelmed yesterday but I didn't feel stressed or upset about it.  Gotta love 'To-Do' lists.
-This past Monday was my first FHE in my new FHE Committee chairman (chairperson? woman? whatevers!).  Can I just say, I'm glad I have a committee.  I'm glad to know that there's a lot of good help available.  I can't wait to meet them all.  And with that said, I need some good, inexpensive, and fun FHE activity ideas.  Now when I say, "inexpensive", I mean 'free' because I don't feel like forking over my paycheck every other Monday.  Oh yeah....and it has to be approved by the Bishop first.  My thoughts on that later....
-Had a very enlightening & emotional conversation with Mr. Red the other day.  I'm so thankful that he 'gets' me, that I don't have to say much (or even anything at all) and he senses what I'm feeling and thinking.  I'm eternally grateful for his friendship.  
-I've got my work meeting today with Mulligan.  Oh man... and in the meanwhile, Oeste will be at my office for a meeting.  Fortunately/Unfortunately I've gotta go up to my office after my meeting's over.  I only say "unfortunately" because...
-I'm tired of commuting in the rain.  What usually takes 20 minutes to get to work now takes over an hour.  Dang drivers who don't know how to slow down when driving in the rain.  That is my ONLY complaint about San Diego---we don't know how to drive in the rain.  GRR!!!
-ok anyways... I've gotta get some work done before work.  Happy Wednesday! And my nephew Bub comes to town today! Happy day!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Pearl Harbor Day 2011

-My goals: 2 down, 3 to go! I'm so stoked! I'll post pictures when I've completed them ...or I'll post at least one of them ;)
-I hung out with Mr. Red last night. I told him that we needed to talk.  There was something on my mind that I needed to be open about.  It's something that I never wanted to address, but I needed to finally tell him about it. My pride and vanity were always stopping me.  I rehearsed what I was going to say and even went over it with my best friend.  In the end, he was the same caring Mr. Red and I made a big deal out of nothing.  It was such a relief because I even stuffed my pockets full of kleenex cause I predicted A LOT of tears. So now, this man knows me just as well as my lifelong best friend, Bugs. Sometimes it scares me because I've known Bugs my whole life and I've only known Mr. Red for the last year and a half.  It's easy to be open with him [excluding the above situation] and he reads me so well. He just gets me. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH! Oh this man........
-I received 2 callings, this past Sunday. One of them is the assistant ward bulletin (person? specialist? whatever it's called) and the other I'm REALLY stoked/nervous about! I'll blog more about that after Sunday.  I can't wait! 
-I'm really enjoying my job! I love what it's about and just the ambience of work. It's fun, chill and I feel like I'm making a difference in people's lives. 
-Can I just say, I'm LOOOOOOOOVING Robin Thicke's new album, Love After War?!?  It's chill & sensual...such a great combo! "Dangerous" is my faaaaave! HOT!
-I had a work meeting with Mulligan today.  I found out from a friend that he's kinda interested in some chick who lives in AZ. Eh, that's cool...whatevers.  Mulligan's really nice and sometimes I get SO nervous talking to him. Damn, those baby blues! ;)
-BTW, I LOVED Inception! Such a TRIPPY/AWESOME movie!! Plus, it didn't hurt to watch it on Blu-ray...especially 4 feet away from the screen.  I can't wait to watch it again!  
-I heard from Ras!!! Awww, Ras! He sounds so positive and he's already changing (for better). I miss him but I know he's exactly where he needs to be right now.  I can't wait til Hermanita comes home in 6 months!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!! 
-Tomorrow's Thursday. Oh I love me some Thursday! HAPPY THURSDAY!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

PB ward Christmas party & Vans.

-It's 12:45pm.
-I'm drinking the BEST cup of HoCho, EVER!! It's by Nestle and I added two packets-thats' the way to go!! ♥
-I love cracked wheat! Try it! The texture is fun! 
-I saw Oeste tonight at my ward Christmas party. I asked him if he knew of any good places for Pho.  It was a brief conversation about Pho and where to have some. I guess he couldn't tell what I was trying to hint at. :-/  Do I even try to attempt to ask him, directly? Ugh.... I don't know...we'll see.  
-So my new ward friend, "Vans" was also at the Christmas party.  He came over to talk to me and it was cool getting to know him more. He studied Psychology (trippy).  I asked him if he's assessed me. He has.  I asked him to share it with me.  He said that I live my religion, but I don't make it my entire life.  I like that, I believe it.  He said that I'm easy going and friendly.  All true!  I told him I was a lil worried he'd tell me negative things, but wanted him to tell me his brutal honest opinion anyways.  He said he likes to be positive with his assessments since so many people think Psychology is just negative.  It was good.  I think it'd be cool to chill with him sometime.  He attended BYU-Hawaii, so I think there's some "hang loose" in him.  Small world, he knows Berkeley.  They grew up in the same ward and live out in east SD.   Vans suggested that I make it more of a habit to drive to east county to visit Berkeley.  I don't really want to, since it's about a 45 minute drive.  Berkeley and I meet up when it's convenient for both of us.  Eh, we'll see...
-My nephew, Sim & niece, Novee went by Mr. Red's tonight.  She invited him over for dinner.  Bless her heart! :) She's been wanting me to cook for him, again.  My family has all taken a liking to Mr. Red. Can't blame them, he is pretty spectacular!  When he interacts with them, he makes them feel like they're the most important person on the planet. I know this.  He does it to me all the time. I'm pretty dang lucky, I know.  

Friday, December 2, 2011

Goals: Before & During 2012!

As I was lying awake in my bed at 3am, this morning, I started to think of some of the things I would like to accomplish before 2012 and during 2012.  Just so I can reflect back on it, I thought I'd post it here.

BEFORE 2012: (so basically, within the next 29 days--TOTALLY doable!)
  • Watch Inception.
  • Go to the top of the Hyatt hotel.  (It's 40 floors up and has a beautiful view of SD...from what I hear)
  • Eat Pho.
  • Read another book.
  • Eat at Bronx Pizza. 
I really want to do all of those before 2012.  Luckily, Mr. Red just bought the Blu-ray version of Inception off of Amazon, so that goal will be completed soon. When my nephew, Bub/Kea, comes to visit we'll FINALLY go eat at Bronx. As for the others... I'm thinking of asking Oeste out to either Pho or the Hyatt..or both? :) We'll see.  

DURING 2012: My "12 in 12" goals! (It's still a work in progress, this is what I have so far)
  1. Visit Maui.
  2. Get my passport.
  3. Pursue a relationship.
  4. See my best friend StephyPooh & Britty.
  5. Finish Les Miserables.
  6. Find out what's so great about running/jogging {by doing it myself...pray for me.}
So that's where I'm at, so far......  I'm really stoked for these goals.  I love the sense of accomplishment! Besides, it's good to work towards something...that's the point to this life, right? :) Good luck to me!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Tearful Tuesday...Mr. Red & Ras.

Last night, my nephew Sim & I went over to Mr. Red's for dinner.  On Sunday, Sim & Mr. Red were talking about his Vespa, that he doesn't really use.  Sim's been in need of his own mode of transportation since coming home from his mission, in August.  Part of the reason why Sim was invited over was so he could discuss the (2006, great condition) Vespa and a possible sale. After dinner the discussion started and ended with Mr. Red giving Sim his Vespa for an EXTREMELY generous price.  Let's just say it's BEYOND generous.   He practically gave Sim the Vespa, but Sim felt he should give him something, at he offered everything he had in his wallet.  $5.  FIVE DOLLARS!  And Mr. Red accepted it.  Sim had a perma-grin, from ear to ear.  I think we were both in shock.  I was floored at his charitable offer and kind act.   Mr. Red couldn't have bestowed such generosity upon a more humble and grateful person, like Sim.  While Sim was out riding around, Mr. Red & I talked, on his uber-comfy couch.  However, I was uncommonly quiet.  The fortunate thing about Mr. Red is that silence between us is A-Ok, it's not uncomfortable because he knows I'm [usually] contemplating and reflecting on something.  Last night was a little different, I was awfully quiet and I couldn't understand why, yet Mr. Red was patient, as always.
After Sim & I got home, I was texting with Ras.  He's usually the last person I communicate with at night and it's become a common thing for him to wish me, "boa noite,  doces sonhos" (good night, sweet dreams).  Sometimes, my day would start with a "Bom dia!" text.  After going back and forth for a bit, it really started to hit me that my friend was leaving for 2 years. Two WHOLE years.  It hit me hard, really hard.  While Mr. Red was away on deployment for several months, Ras became the friend I needed and grew closer to. After my "Ras is leaving for two years" realization, the water works started and wouldn't stop.  I cried because I was going to miss my friend so much! I don't always see Ras' the callous side that so many other see.  I'm fortunate enough to see the kind, caring and sensitive Ras that he rarely lets others know about. While I was Relief Society president, he sustained me in so many ways.  When I felt down in the dumps about stuff, I'd turn to him and he'd uplift my spirits and heart.  Yeah, I liked him at one time, but at the heart of it all, we were always friends.  So when I say I'm going to miss him, I'm going to miss my good friend who's been there when I didn't allow others to see my weak or vulnerable side, my friend who never got annoyed at my antics and my friend who's just fun to be around.  
I started to think of the transaction that occurred between Mr. Red and Sim.  How in the world was Mr. Red really going to give Sim the Vespa for free?! How is someone just so giving and willing to accept $5 for a 5 year old, great condition motor scooter?!  And on top of that, giving him the helmet and riding gloves too!?  I couldn't wrap my mind around it.  This guy who practically gave away his Vespa is my friend...not just some random good guy from a random heart warming story, but my friend who I'm tremendously blessed to know.  I wept more, my heart was bursting at the seams and I couldn't stop the tears.  My mind and heart was in awe that Heavenly Father would bless my life with such giving, compassionate and selfless friends.  Knowing and realizing this was overwhelming, last night.  I'm truly grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows what types of friends I need in my life and blesses me with such heaven sent angels.  My cup runneth over!!   

The perma-grin happy new Vespa owner.

(and yes, even as I was typing this the water works were slighly flowing.  I can't help it, my heart is bursting with gratitude!)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Dating, Marriage and Hope.

I really feel like writing in my journal tonight. However, I'm staying at a friend's during this Thanksgiving weekend and I left it at home.  I'm a lil bummed about it, because I like to take my journal with me wherever I'm staying.  I like to write in it, at the end of my day, right before I go to bed.  It's how I unwind, at night.  Since I don't have my journal...this is the next best thing.  I hope I don't get too TMI, but I have stuff on my mind. Stuff that I've been thinking of for the last couple days...several weeks... for a while.
Well, as previously mentioned, I'm in a Singles adult ward (no longer in a young single adult ward).  From talking with friends, I hope I don't "retire" from another ward.  I've been thinking a lot about dating & marriage.
I'm tired of being single. I envy my friends who are married with kids... oh how I wish I could be living that life and feeling like I'm actually accomplishing the purpose of this life.  Sometimes I wonder, "Do my married friends feel sorry/pity on me because I'm not married with children, like they are?" A couple of my married friends say they wish they could trade places with me; single, free to come & go with ease, do whatever I want, etc.  I guess the 'grass seems greener on the other side.'
I'd really like to experience marriage, in this lifetime.  I'd like to experience motherhood and the blessing of pregnancy, feeling life growing within me.  I'm tired of being alone.  I miss being in a relationship, having someone by your side is an amazing feeling.  What do I miss the most about being in a relationship?  Geez, where do I begin? I miss those 'inside' jokes.  I miss someone who just 'gets me', because that means a lot to me... where I don't have to explain why I do/say stuff because they just know me so well.  I miss physical affection, people need to be touched. I learned a lot about that while in massage college.  It's true.  People need hugs and just good physical touch (I don't necessarily mean sex, I'm sure that's good too... I wouldn't know, yet).  I miss holding hands, having a warm arm around me, a safe & secure arm to hold while walking, the closeness of two faces, allowing/desiring someone to be in your 'personal space', a good guy hug, cuddling... I crave [good] physical touch.  I miss the closeness, security and intimacy a relationship provides.  I miss sharing my most tender feelings and deepest thoughts, allowing myself to trust someone enough to be vulnerable.  Most of all, I miss saying, "I love you" and knowing you mean it more than when you say it to all others in your life.
I really miss being in a serious relationship.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to be in one, again.  Part of me says 'no' because I want to offer him my very best self.  I want to give him the best me; physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, intellectually and all other "-ly's".  There are some areas that I know I can and should improve on.  Of course I'd want to give my best self because I'm hoping that there's a man out there that has those same intentions, as well.  I hope I get to be married in the temple, someday.   Honestly, I'm getting a little sick and tired of being the lone single at so many church activities and friends' events.  As much as I LOVE going to the temple, it seems like everyone there has on a wedding ring. :( I just wonder, "When is it going to be my turn?"  I hate thinking that question because it brings tears to my eyes, every time.  I also wonder, "Did I somehow raise my hand in the pre-mortal existence agreeing to live a life without marriage and children???"  I get tired praying about it, because I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. I know that all things are done in the Lord's time and will, but I have a hard time convincing my poor heart.  I wish I could just know with a surety if I'm to be married in this lifetime or not. I can't help but sigh and try to put it in the furthest part of my mind and heart, put a smile on my face and try to be okay with it all....because quite honestly, I'm not.  I can't convince my heart any more because it hurts trying to hope for something that doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen.  Will I forever be 'aunt Ehu who never got married'?  I think I just might be.  Oh well.

"Age appropriate" clothes?

Tonight, I was reading the newspaper, skimming over store ads and "window shopping" online.  I started to think about stuff I wear and how I wish I could/would dress.  I know I'm 31 year old (man, I still don't like saying that aloud :( )  and I don't think, feel or act like a 31 year old....maybe I look like it? Gosh, I hope not... maybe I really should start wearing SPF +1000 on my face?
Well anyways, back to my point... 
In my ideal world, I would wear:

With jeans, cute cardigans and accessories, of course!  You know, so I don't look like I'm 15 or something.  

**I guess I posted this for more reasons than one.... I'm kinda not the best dresser. I'm either too casual or too over the top.   I wish I could live in board shorts, hoodie sweaters and Reef slippers--but I can't, as much as I'd like to think I can, living in San Diego.  I just wish I was one of those "cutesy" type of dressers.... *sigh* someday.... :)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

As of late, in late November...

-I now work closer to the temple, which is a blessing, because it's easier to keep my goal of attending the temple once a week.
-Yep, I said, "work"... and how many people do you know get these:
on their first day on the job? It was such a nice surprise! I love flowers!! Especially Gerbers, they remind me of my best friend, StephyPooh.
-So I like this new job. So far, it's really nice and chill.  I enjoy my coworkers.  It's only temporary until I hear back from the county.
-I had a work meeting with "Mulligan" yesterday. Oh man, Mulligan.... He has such GORGEOUS blue eyes!! I couldn't stop looking at them! And his smile is adorably cute!! My friend PF's been giving me the 411 on him and says he's a pretty genuine guy. Oh yeah! I just remembered, I talked to Mulligan on the phone today! I was calling for his assistant, but he answered.  
Me: Hi "Mulligan", it's Ehulani, is Terry available?
Him: Hi! No she's not, she's out today.
Me: Oh..ok.
Him: Yeah, she's normally off on Fridays & Saturdays
(silence.....thinking he'd realize what day it was.)
Me:'s not Friday, nor Saturday....soooooo will you be expecting her later today?
Him: (starts chuckling) Today's not Friday, is it? Dang Thanksgiving is just messing me up today!
Me: (also chuckling) Nope, it's not, but it's messing me up also. 
I'm just so glad it wasn't me that messed up during the phone call.  I would have been totally mortified! 
-I've made it a goal to attend the temple, at least once a week.  So far, so good.  I love it! I feel a difference.  I've also loved reading the General Conference issue of the Ensign.  The talks mean so much more to me, now that I've had the time to study them.  
-Tomorrow's Thursday AND Thanksgiving! This is awesome!! My two favorite days in ONE! 
-I was texting with Mr. Red, today. I've missed him.  We haven't seen each other lately.  I miss people when I don't see them in real life.  He's one of those people.  His birthday was a couple weeks ago, this is what I gave him:
Cool right?! I mean, how awesome is it to have your very own bowling ball with your name already engraved in it?! Ok...random find though. My nephew, Sim, and I were 'thrifting' one day, and Sim randomly came across it!! So it was EVEN cooler that we RANDOMLY found this at a thrift store, with his unique name already engraved in it! Plus I love the color, it's about the same color as his eyes.  Anyways, I'm glad I'll get to see Mr. Red this Sunday, it's been more than a month since I've last seen him.   :(
-Life is pretty good. I'm glad to be living life a little more than I haven't been.
-I love this place! I can't get enough of it!:
....and maybe I'm jumping the gun and cursing myself, but I think I might enjoy Christmas this year. I was listening to Christmas music as I drove to work this morning.  Quite a shocker, since I hate Christmas and don't like listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Oh man... we shall see. 

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Thanksgiving at the Beach!

I made some of Mama McK's cinnamon rolls for my ward's "Thanksgiving at the Beach" party, today.   I was pleased with them! Oh, I love Mama McK so much!! I think I feel a 'Gratitude List' post comin'....
Invited Berkeley and got to spend the day with him.... my ward party and then at the temple, waiting for his mom. So much fun!! I love Berkeley! 
While waiting for her, I took some pictures. These were my favorites! Oh I love the temple so much!
I had a wonderful time in the temple this evening. Came across ol' friends from my ol' temple shift. It was like a beautiful blessing from the Lord...a treat to come across kind, familiar faces. I love when He blesses me with those tender mercies.  
Today was one of those days that makes me TRULY love living in San Diego, having the friends I have and just being ALIVE!  Awesome, awesome day!! 

Friday, November 18, 2011

Friends, Work & Stuff.....

-Wow, what a cool, wonderful week....makes me feel a lil randi.....
-I can't believe it's Friday and I start work on Monday.  I'm stoked...and a lil nervous. But more stoked than nervous.  I'm especially giddy about my 2nd day at work! :) More on that later....
-I can't get enough of this blog. It makes me look forward to motherhood with anticipation and enthusiasm. She's so positive and uplifting about life, family and everything in between. LOVE IT!
-I got to hang with my ol' CV5 (ward) friends this week.  I truly love them and am grateful for their friendship.  They mean so much to me.
-Oh how I love cardigans!! I wish I had one in EVERY shade & color! Or at least dark purple and mustard yellow, to start off with....
-Tomorrow is my new ward's "Thanksgiving at the beach" in La Jolla. I'm kinda excited about it.  I'm thankful Berkeley said he'd go with me. It's nice to have a friend at this functions.  
-My sister comes home on Sunday. I'm glad. I love my sister and couldn't be more grateful to have her in my life.  (sidenote: she's actually my sister-in-law...well, to be technically correct, she's my ex-sister-in-law, but to me, she'll always be my sister). My hat goes off to her and all mothers, especially single parents. Parenting is a hard enough task, so to do it alone, that is quite a feat. She's blessed with children who love and appreciate her.  
-Hmmm.... I think that's all I have on my mind right now. Can I just say how STOKED I am for Monday! Wow, it'll be here before I know it! I'm so excited, I want to go put my outfit together! Geez, I sound like it's my first day of school or something.... anyways... Happy Weekend! :)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Gratitude List: Ras.

This is my friend, Ras. He'll be leaving in a week & a half for Brasil, for the next two years.  I feel like he just received his mission call, back in June and now November's already here and he's leaving.  I feel so sad... yet another friend who's leaving for a mission.
Ras & I were texting back and forth tonight.  Maybe it was because of the emotional part of the movie I was watching or because it's starting to hit me that he's leaving in 11 days, but I sent him a really heartfelt text. I expressed my deep appreciation of him and his friendship.  He responded with a similar text and I started to cry.  I'm really going to miss my friend. He's done a lot for me, these last several months. I use to just regard him as another guy in my YSA ward and my nephew's friend.  But then I got to know him, and there's a lot more than meets the eye.
He thinks of others before himself.  He helps out in any and every way possible.  He's dependable and loyal.  While I was Relief Society president, he was ALWAYS extremely helpful.  Ras has a heart of gold, one of the kindest and caring guys I could have in my life.  The night I tanked in singing at stake conference, he lifted my spirits and reassured me.  When I was upset over a nephew's engagement announcement on Facebook, he empathized with me.  We've had some serious chats and some light hearted ones too, but he's always the same Ras, to me.
I know others would be shocked to think that he's anything but the cynical, apathetic & callous person he comes off as.  There's SO much more to him.  I count my lucky stars (or at least the pretty silver one he gave me for my birthday) to be his friend.  I'm going to miss him, a lot. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A Year of Hair.

Nov. 7, 2010
Once upon a time, I use to have looong curly hair.  I enjoyed it and it made me feel pretty...especially because so many people liked it, as well. Women were envious of my free flowing curls and men wanted to touch & "crunch it" (not kidding.)  This hair of mine use to be something I despised as a child because it wasn't like all the other girls.  I magically, and accidentally, discovered the beauty of gel & mousse, in my last week of high school.  After that, my hair turned into a blessing and not a curse.
This is a picture of me on Nov. 7, 2011 in Philadelphia, PA.
A month before my trip to Philadelphia, we were told that a woman in my ward (church congregation) had cancer, breast cancer to exact. In the month of October, we wore pretty pink ribbons at church to support this sister.   As a Relief Society, we even took homemade soup to her home. In speaking with her, I was touched by her amazing strength and courage.  She wasn't a "Debbie Downer" or "Negative Nancy" in the least bit.  She really affected me.  Knowing that she would lose her hair in a few weeks, I instantly wanted to shave my head. As Nash and I drove home, I  quietly and seriously contemplated shaving my head.  Sister L meant a lot to me.  We weren't the closest of friends, but she was my one time Stake Young Women's president, as well as Stake Choir Director.  She had touched my heart on several occasions.   A week after I arrived home from the east coast, I was talking to my friend CC about the crazy idea of shaving our heads to support Sister L.  CC mentioned that it would be cool if we got other people to join us. She would talk to Doc and I would ask Mr. Red. Doc was hesitant, which was lame because he already had super short hair so what would a few less centimeters of hair really do for him?!
Nov. 14, 2010
When I "asked" Mr. Red, I said,
"I think you should shave your head"
"Ok, I'll do it."
"Wow, really?"
"Yeah, but are you going to tell me why I'm shaving my head?"
and I explained and he was in, even more.  Oh that's why I love Mr. Red, he's such a team player!
CC and I discussed it on a Friday and planned to do it that following Monday after FHE. I was so pumped up on the idea I wanted to do it that very day!!  I couldn't find the clippers, so instead, I trimmed my hair...trimmed..cut... well it was a lot shorter:
I was LOVING this length! It was short, straight and way cute! For several months, I was debating on cutting it to this length but always hesitated. I figured I'd cut it since it was all coming off soon enough. It didn't help that I was starting to fall in love with my hair just as I was getting ready to shave it all off.  Oh well, it's only hair--it grows back.
To celebrate and soften the blow of losing our hair, we had "Shave Shindig".  It helped to shave it together and encourage each other... also, ice cream makes everything feel a lil nicer. Good idea, Mr. Red....
Nov. 15, 2010
So there we had it...we shaved our heads.  Well, some 3 of us buzzed our heads and 2 of us bic'd it, with a shaver.  They tried to talk me into it, but I wanted to enjoy it buzzed first.  I was the smart one of the bunch, I brought a beanie to wear afterwards, knowing that our newly shaved/buzzed heads would be extremely sensitive to the night air.  Even when I tried to fall asleep that night, for once, I did NOT enjoy a cold pillow, it was like ice!! I had to sleep with a beanie, for several weeks. In fact, I wore beanies all the time because my head was always cold and it was fall/winter.  Did I regret shaving my head? Not. At. All. I loved it. I was finally able to get ready faster and as crazy as it sounds, I felt more feminine.  I truly loved it. I think I felt more feminine because I had to put more effort into looking and feeling more like a lady.   Blush & mascara were my new BFF's.
December 1, 2010
I eventually shaved my head a few weeks later and man alive, it felt trippy! Just like when I shave my legs and the way the feel in my sheets at night..that's how my head felt. I guess that would be called, 'sensitive'.  My friend, FishLips started calling me "Haole Head". You can see why....

January 17, 2011
I did buzz my head again, on Martin Luther King day (Jan. 17). I heard Sister L's treatments were going to be for several more weeks.  I wanted to continue shaving my head til her treatments were over. However, some friends and their old wives tales spooked me into thinking my hair wouldn't grow back if I continually shaved it.  Funny, that only applied to my head and not my legs..?
February 2011
So I let it start growing.   I found out a cool way to hide any grey hairs at this stage is to color it with mascara! :) Nice, quick remedy!

March 2011
...and then it started growing enough that I could brush it! I was so happy! I quickly brushed it into a lil faux hawk!  This was after I had to go buy a brush, since I threw mine out after shaving my head.  The wide bristles wouldn't have helped anyways...
April 2011 w/ newborn BabyChelo
I had to trim it around my ears a bit because it was looking a lil scraggly.  If I wanted my hair to go down, I had to immediately wear a tight beanie as soon as I got out of the shower.  Secret #2.
May 2011
There will be a point in which all your hair is the same length. However, the back will appear longer because it's at the lowest point of your head. If you don't trim it, it'll look like a mullet.  So trim it! Trick #3.
July 2011: 

June 2011
Having thick, coarse, curly hair isn't all too great when your hair is short. It's just not pretty I was back to using hair products. Darn, I was loing the ease off 'wash & go' hair!

And then it just started growing and growing! At times I didn't know what to do with it... Gel it? Straighten it? Scarf it? No wonder why so many men just buzz their heads, it's so EASY to deal with!  
August 2011

September 2011
November 2011

October 2011
It's been fun watching it grow and learning how to handle it.  Would I recommend it? Maybe.  It's been nice knowing what I look like at all hair lengths.  The only thing I would recommend about hair: JUST OWN IT! I received SO MANY compliments about my hair/head/appearance and how well I rocked it/pulled it off.  Confidence is a BIG seller--in all things!  If I acted scared or regretful, people would have treated me as such.  I'm grateful for all that I experienced, learned and grew from in doing this act of love. I still love that sister dearly and I'm grateful for the friendship that came from it.
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