It's Saturday night....and I have several things on my mind.
Yesterday, I was both happy and sad, at the same time. Odd. I've never quite been like that before. I was happy for little surprises that have come into my life recently. But I was also sad because of certain voids that have occurred in my life recently.
I don't like that feeling. I rather be one or the other...but not both, at the same time. It's like they cancel out each other.
Sometimes, I wonder why I do certain things....
Why do I allow some people into my life?
Why do I trust them?
Why do I allow certain individuals to see a side of me that I would rather keep safe guarded?
Why do I love so deeply?
In the last couple of weeks, I became close to someone. I trusted him so quickly and showed him a part of me that I don't even let close friends see. As scary as it should have been, it wasn't. I allowed myself to feel vulnerable with him and I didn't think twice about it. I loved talking with him because I could freely speak my mind and didn't worry that he would think me to be insensitive, blunt, ridiculous or anything else along those lines. I didn't feel embarrassed about certain things that I should have....it was nice. It was all very comforting.
I miss that. I miss him. Sometimes, life turns out that way.
