Tearful Tuesday...Mr. Red & Ras.

Last night, my nephew Sim & I went over to Mr. Red's for dinner.  On Sunday, Sim & Mr. Red were talking about his Vespa, that he doesn't really use.  Sim's been in need of his own mode of transportation since coming home from his mission, in August.  Part of the reason why Sim was invited over was so he could discuss the (2006, great condition) Vespa and a possible sale. After dinner the discussion started and ended with Mr. Red giving Sim his Vespa for an EXTREMELY generous price.  Let's just say it's BEYOND generous.   He practically gave Sim the Vespa, but Sim felt he should give him something, at least...so he offered everything he had in his wallet.  $5.  FIVE DOLLARS!  And Mr. Red accepted it.  Sim had a perma-grin, from ear to ear.  I think we were both in shock.  I was floored at his charitable offer and kind act.   Mr. Red couldn't have bestowed such generosity upon a more humble and grateful person, like Sim.  While Sim was out riding around, Mr. Red & I talked, on his uber-comfy couch.  However, I was uncommonly quiet.  The fortunate thing about Mr. Red is that silence between us is A-Ok, it's not uncomfortable because he knows I'm [usually] contemplating and reflecting on something.  Last night was a little different, I was awfully quiet and I couldn't understand why, yet Mr. Red was patient, as always.

After Sim & I got home, I was texting with Ras.  He's usually the last person I communicate with at night and it's become a common thing for him to wish me, "boa noite,  doces sonhos" (good night, sweet dreams).  Sometimes, my day would start with a "Bom dia!" text.  After going back and forth for a bit, it really started to hit me that my friend was leaving for 2 years. Two WHOLE years.  It hit me hard, really hard.  While Mr. Red was away on deployment for several months, Ras became the friend I needed and grew closer to. After my "Ras is leaving for two years" realization, the water works started and wouldn't stop.  I cried because I was going to miss my friend so much! I don't always see Ras' the callous side that so many other see.  I'm fortunate enough to see the kind, caring and sensitive Ras that he rarely lets others know about. While I was Relief Society president, he sustained me in so many ways.  When I felt down in the dumps about stuff, I'd turn to him and he'd uplift my spirits and heart.  Yeah, I liked him at one time, but at the heart of it all, we were always friends.  So when I say I'm going to miss him, I'm going to miss my good friend who's been there when I didn't allow others to see my weak or vulnerable side, my friend who never got annoyed at my antics and my friend who's just fun to be around.  
I started to think of the transaction that occurred between Mr. Red and Sim.  How in the world was Mr. Red really going to give Sim the Vespa for free?! How is someone just so giving and willing to accept $5 for a 5 year old, great condition motor scooter?!  And on top of that, giving him the helmet and riding gloves too!?  I couldn't wrap my mind around it.  This guy who practically gave away his Vespa is my friend...not just some random good guy from a random heart warming story, but my friend who I'm tremendously blessed to know.  I wept more, my heart was bursting at the seams and I couldn't stop the tears.  My mind and heart was in awe that Heavenly Father would bless my life with such giving, compassionate and selfless friends.  Knowing and realizing this was overwhelming, last night.  I'm truly grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows what types of friends I need in my life and blesses me with such heaven sent angels.  My cup runneth over!!   

The perma-grin happy new Vespa owner.

(and yes, even as I was typing this the water works were slighly flowing.  I can't help it, my heart is bursting with gratitude!)

Gratitude List: Ras.

This is my friend, Ras. He'll be leaving in a week & a half for Brasil, for the next two years.  I feel like he just received his mission call, back in June and now November's already here and he's leaving.  I feel so sad... yet another friend who's leaving for a mission.
Ras & I were texting back and forth tonight.  Maybe it was because of the emotional part of the movie I was watching or because it's starting to hit me that he's leaving in 11 days, but I sent him a really heartfelt text. I expressed my deep appreciation of him and his friendship.  He responded with a similar text and I started to cry.  I'm really going to miss my friend. He's done a lot for me, these last several months. I use to just regard him as another guy in my YSA ward and my nephew's friend.  But then I got to know him, and there's a lot more than meets the eye.
He thinks of others before himself.  He helps out in any and every way possible.  He's dependable and loyal.  While I was Relief Society president, he was ALWAYS extremely helpful.  Ras has a heart of gold, one of the kindest and caring guys I could have in my life.  The night I tanked in singing at stake conference, he lifted my spirits and reassured me.  When I was upset over a nephew's engagement announcement on Facebook, he empathized with me.  We've had some serious chats and some light hearted ones too, but he's always the same Ras, to me.
I know others would be shocked to think that he's anything but the cynical, apathetic & callous person he comes off as.  There's SO much more to him.  I count my lucky stars (or at least the pretty silver one he gave me for my birthday) to be his friend.  I'm going to miss him, a lot. 

Hiroshima.

It's not often when I feel like a complete failure. 
Tonight happens to be one of those nights.  
I can't sleep, my mind won't turn off and the water works won't stop....


Tonight, Joz & I were asked to sing at the adult session of Stake Conference.  It was a song we sang about 3 weeks ago in our ward, so it wasn't something new.  We practiced.  I practiced.  A LOT of practicing went on.  
But tonight, I didn't reflect that.    


My mind totally spaced on one of the words in the first verse.  
and to make matters worse...
I held the last note of the song for a half second instead of 4 seconds long.  


Not to mention that my mouth was unbelievably dry and I took breaths in the wrong spots.  (ie: in the middle of a word! WHO FRIGGIN DOES THAT?!?!)


As I was laying in my bed, my mind kept going over and over our musical number.  I have no idea what happened.  Well yeah I do.  I was so terribly nervous.  As I looked around the chapel, I was met with faces that were unfamiliar.  None of them were really friends that I had grown accustomed to, from my ward.  I didn't see my dear sweet Relief Society sisters.  Mr. Red wasn't there as he always is, when I sing or speak.  No one looked happy or warm or very friendly...which made me even more nervous.  


I've got to be up in about 3 hours, because stake choir has their last practice at 8:30am.  Part of me doesn't want to sing with them.  I just feel like such a failure, right now.  I'm so embarrassed.  I can't face my vocal teacher, who happens to be directing the choir.  We worked so hard on the song and I failed miserably.  I'm thankful to have Ras as my dear friend.  We were texting back and forth about this right now.  


I feel a lil better, but not much...  I hate failing when I KNOW that I could have (& should have) done so much better. I'm my own harshest critic. 

Temple time!

I got to go to the temple today with my nephew, Sim and our friend Ras.  It was wonderful.  I forgot how much I enjoy and NEED the peaceful, spiritual atmosphere.  It was GREATLY needed.  I just needed to get away from the world and focus on the eternal nature of life and its purpose.  While pondering and meditating, I couldn't help but feel a longing for the temple. I forgot how much I MISS working there on Saturdays.  I missed all my friends and dear sisters that I got to know and love.  

Serving at the temple was one of my favorite callings.  I think I say that for every calling I have--that's what happens when you pour your love and devotion into service.   

All in all, it was very wonderful being at the temple today.  It reminds me of how much more I need to go, how much I need to meditate and how blessed I am to be found worthy to attend.  I love the temple! 

Ehu Eve!

For now I'll post the GREAT part about "Ehu Eve"! 
Seriously, I LOVE "Ehu Eve" as much as my REAL birthday!! (I'm a 'birthday whore', I'll admit it)


I went out with Ras tonight.  We went to Extraordinary Desserts! SOOOOOO GOOD!!! They ran out of my beloved Viking Cake.  I'm not gonna lie, I was BUMMED! But I had a back up plan and it was alright.  LUCKILY, Ras ordered the Chocolate Criossant Bread Pudding with Dulce de Leche ice cream. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!!!!! I really did want to trade with Ras, but I had to be nice about it since he's not a fan of guava. I ordered the "Shangri-La": Heavenly. White chocolate mousse, guava mousse, fresh strawberries and whipped cream are layered between vanilla cakes moistened with kirsch.  It was nice, but seriously, it wasn't my BELOVED Viking.  (Can you tell how disappointed I was?!) It was a lil awkward to go back and forth from Ras' dessert because it was just so drastically different.

You can kinda see Ras' dessert, in the top left corner.  And this one was mine.  It was nice. 

Afterwards, Ras & I went over to Balboa Park and walked around.  We tried tossing coins onto the lilly pads at the Botanical Garden pond.  I forced Ras to make a wager if either one of us made it.  FUN TIMES! :)

 My whole reasoning to going to Balboa Park was to hang out at the fountain.

I LOVE the fountain there. It's so pretty at night. During the day, it's nice but it's so full of people and kids running around. At night, it's like a whole new world. I love it.
Had fun talking with Ras!! Wait, I take that back I had a BLAST talking with Ras.  I'm glad we're friends. I like the fact that I can be myself around him and nothing really changes our friendship.  He's a really TERRIFIC guy.  I'm so grateful for his friendship, especially as of late.

Had a WONDERFUL night.  It was fun, chill, relaxing, hilarious and involved chocolate!! I think those always make for a GREAT date! :)

Ras, the friend.

Hmph....my friend, Ras....

I like him and I've told him how I feel about him.  

The GREAT and wonderful thing is that he is still the same wonderful friend.  

It didn't change anything significantly, which is a good/bad thing. 

We had lunch last Tuesday.  That was fun and just chill.  I saw him a couple more times during the week and we hung out last night.  I was home, he was home....so I invited him over.  We ended up watching "Forever Strong". He was quiet. (I forget that some people are actually quiet when they watch a movie)

I saw him today, we talked and hung out for a bit together.  We texted for a while tonight, in between our naps.  I might see him tomorrow.  We talked about me cutting his hair. If not, I'll probably see him couple more times this week before Saturday. I'm still going out with him on "Ehu Eve".  I'd really like to. He's still my dear friend, whether or not anything was even to happen.  I do tend to get a few butterflies in my stomach right before I see him, but when I do, I wonder why I got so nervous.  I mean, he's just my friend.

So why am I so concerned....?

I guess, at the heart of it all, I like him.  I like the fact that we're still friends and we can still tease & frustrate each other.  It's as if nothing has REALLY changed. And I'm kinda glad.