It's not often when I feel like a complete failure.
Tonight happens to be one of those nights.
I can't sleep, my mind won't turn off and the water works won't stop....
Tonight, Joz & I were asked to sing at the adult session of Stake Conference. It was a song we sang about 3 weeks ago in our ward, so it wasn't something new. We practiced. I practiced. A LOT of practicing went on.
But tonight, I didn't reflect that.
My mind totally spaced on one of the words in the first verse.
and to make matters worse...
I held the last note of the song for a half second instead of 4 seconds long.
Not to mention that my mouth was unbelievably dry and I took breaths in the wrong spots. (ie: in the middle of a word! WHO FRIGGIN DOES THAT?!?!)
As I was laying in my bed, my mind kept going over and over our musical number. I have no idea what happened. Well yeah I do. I was so terribly nervous. As I looked around the chapel, I was met with faces that were unfamiliar. None of them were really friends that I had grown accustomed to, from my ward. I didn't see my dear sweet Relief Society sisters. Mr. Red wasn't there as he always is, when I sing or speak. No one looked happy or warm or very friendly...which made me even more nervous.
I've got to be up in about 3 hours, because stake choir has their last practice at 8:30am. Part of me doesn't want to sing with them. I just feel like such a failure, right now. I'm so embarrassed. I can't face my vocal teacher, who happens to be directing the choir. We worked so hard on the song and I failed miserably. I'm thankful to have Ras as my dear friend. We were texting back and forth about this right now.
I feel a lil better, but not much... I hate failing when I KNOW that I could have (& should have) done so much better. I'm my own harshest critic.
