One life...make it a happy one.

I came across this postcard a couple weeks ago in North Park.  It was a super cute shop, and I just had to have this gem after reading it.  I feel like it's the best way to describe my life....right now.  I'm at a very happy place in life right now and I know it's just going to get better. 

Come what may and love it!

Atelophobia.

Today, I read a friend’s blog and learned about Atelophobia. 

Atelophobia: the fear of not being good enough or imperfection. 

At the end of her blog entry, she said, “But I can’t be the only one who feels this way about things?”  I thought about leaving a comment, but in actuality, this has been a thought of mine for the last few weeks.
I am/was a people pleaser…it comes and goes.  I grew up with my Mom always being comparing me to my brothers, friends, family, & neighbors.  Countless times I heard the line, “I already had my two boys, it was him (my Dad) that wanted a girl.”  So I already knew I wasn’t good enough.  It’s taken a HUGE toll on my self confidence.  I try to hide it and I try to do my very best to never believe the trash that’s kicked my way. I try to “fake it til I make it”, but that’s not always a solution.  These days, I consider the source and kick that trash to the curb. I am a VERY good daughter, and the best my parents will EVER have! {even though I‘m the only one}
I use to worry if I was a good enough Mormon. I’d compare my “have not’s” with others’ “have’s”, in the way of callings, talents, and accomplishments. I was hard on myself, I needed to give a 1000% in ALL things.  Dude, that was too much.  I laid on that “Mormon guilt” real thick, too thick, on myself.  I know how much service my family gave to the church, so I felt like I too had to go down that same path.   People can get burnt out real fast and that’s what it became for me.  At one point I had 5 callings.  Too much!!!  Church became more work, than worship.   I’ve come to terms with it.  All I have to do is be good enough for myself and my God.  I don’t have to go to ALL the ward activities.  I don’t pass out pass-along cards every day.  If I don’t want to go to church and spend it outside on a gorgeous day, or with loved ones…then I don’t go.  Do I feel guilty about it?  Nope, not in the least bit.  Do I care what others think about what I do or don’t do in the way of church?  Nah.  Do I like diet Coke? You bet your ass I do!  Do I support friends in callings and tasks at church? Absolutely.  
Speaking of friends…thankfully, I have never felt like a failure when it came to friendships.  I truly love my friends, and I’m pretty certain that they love me back.  I have always tried to be a true and loyal friend.   I will always try to be the best friend possible, to all my friends. 
Although, lately, I’ve worried if I’m good enough for my sweetheart Levi.  I can never adequately describe how much happiness he has brought to my life, heart and soul.  He spoils me to no end with his unconditional love,  undivided attention, endless patience, immeasurable wisdom and unceasing sense of humor.  I couldn’t have been luckier and more blessed to find this man.  I always hope that I reciprocate all the happiness he brings me.  {Thankfully, he reassures me that I do…and you know what, I believe him.  I know I make him happy!}  BUT, I can’t always worry about this concern and any other concerns, it takes away from my happiness and joy.  Every minute of worry is 60 seconds of happiness I throw away. 

As much as I want to worry about not being “good enough”, it’s JUST. NOT. WORTH. IT.!!! 
Whose standard of “good enough” or “perfection” am I comparing myself to anyways?   I am not going to sell myself short anymore, in assuming my good isn’t good enough! Damnit, my good is not only good enough, it‘s GREAT! 
In the end, I just need to be perfectly ME: Random, late, loyal, loving, sarcastic, happy, wise, impatient, talented, witty, kind ME!  

Pretty. Dang. Lucky.!!!

I can't hide the fact that I've been pretty dang happy.  Seriously, it's unlike any happiness that I've experienced for a very, VERY long time...probably ever. I'm having a lot of fun with Levi and my heart couldn't be any more grateful for him.  I think he is so stinkin' adorably CUTE!!  He's totally amazing and sometimes wonder how I got so lucky?!!?  At times I worry that I could be a better girlfriend, but so far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I just need to relax and enjoy the ride.  I worry too much, but with Levi, I don't need to.  

Have I mentioned how much I love this guy? Yep, I do!

FRIGGIN' HAPPY!!!

I can't stop thinking about how incredibly lucky I am!! Seriously, did I just find someone who's so wonderful, kind, considerate, FUNNY, calm, patient, SWEET, smart, quick and just all around NICE!!!  Just someone who thinks about me and my well-being! I just can't believe it! Someone who wants to make ME happy and see that I'm content.  Levi's unlike ALL the men I've ever dated or gone out with.  He's so good to me and I hope, HOPE that I am making him happy in the process.  :)

As of late, in late August....

*Once upon a time, I thought I'd join a summer softball league because Sonny threw it out there on FB.  I quickly learned that it wasn't anything like I expected, and at times I seriously wanted to quit....and even tried.  Sonny was pretty positive and encouraged me to always do my best, since he thought I already was.  I never like quitting things, so I'm thankful for his reassurance.  I'm actually gonna miss my team, such fun & funny people! 

*I've been spending a lot more time with Mr. Red lately.  Man, I couldn't be more blessed to have him in my life.  Since my best friend has been in MIA, it's been nice having confidant I can share everything with.  We've been talking about how to better handle stress, since I tend to fail at it.  I know I need to be better at taking a step back, taking a deep breath, and analyze why I'm mad/stressed and what I'm going to do to deal with it.  We talked about a lot of different things and it was good to just clear my mind.  I've been so mentally exhausted, this past week.  It's been good to release all of that tension and learn to still release all of it. I'm learning and it's gonna be a process.  I haven't been doing such a good job at "releasing" and I've been filled with so much tension.  Stressed about so many different things has started to catch up to me and it's no wonder my Meniere's has been terrible lately.  I need to find an outlet, fast.  He's such a happy guy and the way he explains his happiness is definitely something worth trying.  I'm not saying that I'm not happy, it's just that I've been a lot more stressed and frustrated, lately.  That is not good!  Ugh.  It's a process and won't come overnight, but I'm hopeful for a good change to come about. 


*I had a date last Thursday evening.  I went to see Bourne Legacy with the Baker.  It was ok, both the movie and the date.  I'm still learning things about the Baker and vice versa.  I appreciate the way he communicates with me.  I know communication is very important in a relationship/friendship, but sometimes I tend to fail at that when feelings & a man are involved.   Sometimes, when I get frustrated, I don't know how to communicate my feelings properly.   Not all men read minds like Mr. Red (seriously, he can read me so perfectly that it scares/fascinates me), but I also shouldn't be comparing guys.  Anyways, Baker...I like him and he likes me.  We're doing this lil thing called, "dating" and I'm learning what that's all about....learning about him....learning about myself..... man, it's different.  I'm glad he's so patient because I tend to fail at that, he's willing to talk through a problem and find a solution and how he can be part of the solution.  I really like that.  Well, we'll see where this all goes..... so yep, I'm dating someone.  Wow, that thought still seems a lil foreign to me.  I guess it's because Baker & I have been friends since last year, but I never thought it'd really get to this point of "dating".  Oh well, I'll get use to it...  

G'nite.  Tomorrow my "plan" starts....wish me luck! 

Good Monday to you too!

I feel cute today.  Like really REALLY cute....and that was before I even put on make-up.  I like moments like that :) I'm happy today.  Like "can't-stop-smiling" happy!  I love this song...

I guess I'm happy because...


*I'm wearing the earrings that Hermanita sent me from New Mexico


*August 1 is ONE WEEK AWAY!!! Yeah, I'm gonna have a friend again!!


*I got to chat with my missionary nephew last night!! AUGUST 12!! CANNOT WAIT!!!


* I trimmed & straightened my hair today! I FEEL cute! And LOVE IT!!



*I'm just happy about life.


I mean, I don't really have anything THAT great to grin about...but I'm alive and I'm happy.  Besides, I heard back about last week's job interview, I didn't get the job.  I almost let it ruin my day, but a friend once told me, "There are no bad DAYS, just bad MOMENTS.  Why let it spoil the WHOLE day?"


I get to see my friends tonight and do a lil missionary work.   I've got my health, my family, good friends and the beach. I think life is pretty darn good! :)

I CHOOSE happiness!

I like to think of myself as a happy person!

I've worked on my sarcasm a lot this year, because I started to sound cynical and negative. I didn't like the way I sounded or felt. I started to see things for their negativity.  As I've reined back on my sarcasm, negativity & cynicism, I started to hear it in others. It made me think if that's how I sounded!?  I didn't like it.  I DON'T like it.  There is NOTHING attractive about being negative or sarcastic!    Talking with a friend last night, he confirmed that men are NOT attracted to negativity.  I think that's true on a human level. No one wants to be around that.  So then, why are so many people negative?    I think it's so much easier for people to see the bad, the ugly and the downside to life and situations. {"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."} Being happy and positive takes practice. Sometimes,  A LOT of practice.  Sometimes, one has to even 'fake it til you make it'. But in the end, it's worth it. It's a very attractive quality to have--to friends, coworkers, family, potential dates...to everyone.

“Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you”

Saturday is [sometimes] a special day....

It's very rare when I thoroughly enjoy a Saturday. I'm ok with Saturdays, but it's Thursdays that I love.

Today happens to be that exception.

I saw Captain today. My gosh, that man has a body worth worshiping. Oh how I love firemen! :) Anyways, talked with him for a bit which was a nice surprise at today's Volleyball game. My "adopted" Mama & Papa came to the game to support me and their daughter--who happened to coach the team we played today. I love Mama & Papa McK. They are so very dear to me. After the game I went over to my friend CC's for brunch. Oh her lovely Nana makes such DELICIOUS Mexican food!!! Chorizo con huevos, tortillas, jamon & pancakes. YUMMY YUM YUM!!! It was just a chill afternoon with her and her family. Came home, took a nap and then went grocery shopping with my sister. I love hangin' out with my sister. She's the best. My friend Mr. Beautiful called me up asking about a town here in SD, since he's thinking of attending school here. Wow, that would be sweeeeeeeet. He's funny, easy on the eyes and really fun to talk with. We'll see how that all pans out. Hmmm...and I'm stoked about tomorrow. Oh, it'll be a fun day. Happy, very very happy.

p.s. and why the hell am I looking at engagement photos when I should be doing my homework that's due in 2 hours?!? (answer: because it's fun to daydream sometimes)