Happy Birthday Mom!

April 25: Today's my Mom's birthday.  I'm glad I got to talk to her today.  I'm always glad when I can share with her details of a project I'm working on.  She got my pictures of the granny squares I crocheted!  I know I'll never have my Mom's talent of crocheting, but at least it's not completely lost on me.
I miss her.  I wish I could visit her more often, or that she lived a little closer to the west coast.  I know she doesn't have many more birthdays ahead of her, I truly wish she did, but her health isn't the greatest.  As selfish as this sounds, I hope she makes it past my birthday.  I don't want to lost both parents by the time I turn 40. 
I was thinking of my Mom today.  You know, she talks a lot... not necessarily a bad thing, but it's a good thing for her because I don't feel like she comes across many strangers.  At least,  they're not strangers after my Mom's talked with them for a while.  She makes friends easily, she talks to everyone.  I don't think I'm much like her, in that regard, but maybe my husband would say otherwise.  She's very social and I know at this time in the world, it's hard for her not to be social with everyone she's coming across these days. 
A friend checked in on me and wanted to know how I felt about my Mom, her health and her near future.  I told this friend that I've gotten everything I could have ever wanted from my parents.  I know they love me.  I've learned all that I could have, I think.  I know a good amount of my Mom's recipes and if all else fails, as my Mom's always says, "Just make any kine!"
I know I shouldn't be eulogizing her already, I'm just aware that there's not a whole lot of birthdays left on her horizon, as much as I would wish.  Sometimes, I think it's so unfair that I was born so late in life for my parents; they had me in their mid-40's.  I would have loved to have known them at a younger age. 
I'm thankful for all my Mom has taught me, both in word and deed.  I can only hope that I'm the daughter she would have envisioned, the person she hoped that I would have become.  I also hope that she knows how much I love her, after all the grief, all the smartass comments, and grey hairs I gave her.

Daylight Savings Monday: Training & Discussions.

Today flew by so quickly.  

At the end of today, I started to clear out more of my cube to take down to my new cube.  I'll take my last box on my way out tomorrow night.  I'll probably set up my desk so it's ready come Wednesday when I start in my new position.  

As I was cleaning stuff up, I started to clear my computer of files and folders I no longer needed.  As I did so, I came across templates and email examples my trainee will probably need in time.  I have no idea how many emails I sent to her labeled, "SAVE FOR LATER: (name of template/example)".  I was just thinking of how I just wanted to be set up for future training with the tools she would need.  I know I wouldn't be there to train her later, but I wanted her to be prepared.  I didn't want her to be blindsided later.  I wished I could be there for all of her training with future projects, projects that I am familiar with.  I suddenly had this maternal type of feeling that I didn't want her to fail and my time of training was soon coming to an end, tomorrow.

It made me wonder if that's how parents feel as their children grow up and soon leave the nest.  Do they wonder, "Have I done my best?", "Will they remember everything I taught them?", "Will they do what is most important?",  "I hope they know they can always ask for help." It almost made me sad to think I won't be there to help my trainee with all of her future questions.  I now have to trust my team mates to take care of her.  Dude, sometimes, I don't know how parents do it.  I mean, it makes me think back to when my nephew, Simi left for his mission. I know she'll be fine and in due time will learn everything she needs to, to fulfill the position.  She'll be in good hands. 

I will surely miss my team.  We've been together for the past year and I'll miss QuiQua, my one colleague that I've worked next to for the last two years.  We've been together since week one.  It'll be so different in my new department.  New faces & new names to remember.  I don't want to get too sentimental, it'll make tomorrow hard.

Last night, we had the missionaries over for dinner.  It was so nice.  They're our first real guests at our place (dinner wise).  It was nice feeling their spirit.  We went over the first discussion.  I'm not gonna lie, I got emotional while they were sharing the Joseph Smith experience of the first vision.  It just brought back so many times I was able to share that experience with those we taught out in the mission field.  It made me think of my sweet companion, Sister Cobb.  I loved my mission and all that I was able to experience. I love and miss a lot of my companions, I'd say, all but one really.  I think I do a pretty good job at keeping in touch with them.  I love them.  

I'm grateful for the challenge of reading the Book of Mormon again, with Levi.  When I don't read the Book of Mormon as often as I should, I forgot all the great stories and experiences that took place.  The elders asked me last night what I liked about the Book of Mormon, and I told them that I liked all the experiences that happened therein.  I said I liked Alma the Younger who wasn't perfect and even tried to lead people astray, but he repented and came back to be a powerful missionary.  I like that the Book of Mormon tells of Alma the Younger's conversion.  I love all the stories of Captain Moroni.  He's the best.  I can't wait to dive back into the Book of Mormon and read all these great stories and most especially when Jesus came to the Americas and blessed all the children.  The best part of the Book of Mormon, is knowing that it is all true.  I'm ready to reaffirm my testimony of it's truthfulness.  

3 years & General Conference.

Yesterday, marked 3 years since this wonderful man changed my life...

We tried to think of so many different places to celebrate our anniversary but we couldn't agree on any one place...but we could agree on wanting breakfast. Hellooooo Denny's.  It didn't really matter where we ate, we could have gone to McDonald's and it still would have been fun.  

He didn't know I was taking these photos of him. I just love his face so much.  It's always so peaceful for me.

"Sometimes home isn't 4 walls, it's 2 eyes and a heartbeat"

That is what Levi is for me.  He is so patient when I don't deserve it, he makes any situation 1000x better and life is brighter having him by my side.  

I love this photo of us. I love his smile.  I'm so lucky and sometimes I don't appreciate it as much as I should, but I'll never stop trying. 

Levi and I watched a few talks during the Saturday morning session of General Conference.  Elder Maynes gave a beautiful talk.  It was so nice to watch General Conference again.  There was a beautiful spirit that could be felt from the talks that were given. 

I guess the talks affected me in such a way that I had a very vivid dream this morning.  In my dream, I was visiting my parents and my Dad asked me to say a prayer.  I remember the words of my prayer, I was expressing gratitude for those that attended my Dad while he was ill and for the safety & protection over my Mom in his absence.  Well, I think I caught myself talking and opened my eyes. My poor Levi was just staring at me. I think I mumbled something like, "I was praying in my dream" and then closed my eyes to finish my prayer.  It was so real, I remember all the details.  I think I've been thinking of prayer because last night, I thought of my Kuku & Tutu and how they used to kneel by the bed for their morning and evening prayers. It made me think of starting that with Levi.  Some of the most sincerest prayers I've offered up have been on my knees.  I think it would bring a sweet and humble element to our marriage.  With that said, it's late and I'm missing my sweetheart, I need to get to bed. G'nite.

Song of the Heart

Yesterday, in Fast & Testimony Meeting, a brother bore his testimony of the hymn, "I Am a Child of God", that was sung in the General Women's Meeting the evening before.  It was neat learning that Naomi W. Randall, who penned the words to this beautiful hymn, had a daughter in our ward. In Relief Society, we were given the challenge to think of a hymn through out the week, during times of happiness or sadness and anytime in between.  I love the hymns.  I love the hymns, "I Stand All Amazed" and "Have I Done Any Good?", but the one that touched my heart so much last night was, "I Am a Child of God".  

I love this hymn, I always have.  I remember when I was a young girl in Primary, I would cry every time we sang this song. It just made me so sentimental to think that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me. It also made me think of my parents that I loved so much and our home, all of which came from God.  I was probably about 4 or 5, but whenever we would sing it, I would walk over to my Mom (who was a Sr. Primary teacher) sobbing and wanting to be held. Instead, she would turn me right back around and send me back to my class row.  :(  {I think it was just her way of teaching me to grow up and be reverent...at least that's what I'm hoping}  I've always loved this song because I think it's such a simple way to know why we're here on this Earth and where we go after this life.   It's one of the first songs that are taught to Primary children.  How reassuring to know, at such an early age, that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you so much, that he would give you earthly parents to teach you everything you need to know in order to return back to Him.
I'm not gonna lie, I still tear up a bit whenever I sing this hymn.  These days, I like to think that this is the song I'll rock my sweet little babies to, as I put them to sleep.  I want my babies to know that they have a loving Heavenly Father who wants them to be good and learn & do all that they can, so they can return back to Him someday.  What a sweet message of hope and love!

I Am a Child of God

1. I am a child of God,

And he has sent me here,

Has given me an earthly home

With parents kind and dear.

Chorus

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

To live with him someday.

2. I am a child of God,

And so my needs are great;

Help me to understand his words

Before it grows too late.

3. I am a child of God.

Rich blessings are in store;

If I but learn to do his will,

I'll live with him once more.

4. I am a child of God.

His promises are sure;

Celestial glory shall be mine

If I can but endure.

BIRTHDAY!

Dude . . . today's my birthday! 

I love today.  I love the love that abundantly showers me from all across the world, from such sweet, thoughtful loved ones.  I like counting my blessings on this special day of mine.

*I'm thankful for my dear sweet love of my life.  Being married to him feels like my birthday and Christmas combined, every day.  He makes my life so much more thrilling, funnier, fuller and special in each and every way.  I will never know how I got so lucky to find someone who loves me so much, patiently understands my quirky tendencies, and celebrates my talents & skills.

*I'm glad to have the relationship that I do with my nephews & niece.  They are such a bright spot in my life.  I have had the beautiful blessing of having a first row seat to their lives.  They are such tenderhearted and funny spirits.   I love them with all of my heart and I'm blessed to feel their love in return.

*Even though I don't see my parents everyday anymore, I'm grateful for all that they've done for me.  They can be the most selfless individuals in my time of need.  There are many things that they have taught me.  I can only hope that they've always tried their best to be my parents.  I know that I've tried my best to be a good daughter to them.  This is what life is about; learning to be our best self.

*I always wanted a sister growing up, I didn't know that I would find one in my sister-in-law, turned ex-sister-in-law, now sister.  She has taught me so very much.  She is a very good parent to her 4 kids because of the way she listens and observes their individual needs and talents.  She has a good heart and has always been the best cheerleader anyone would want in their corner.

*I'm grateful for my friends.  They accept me for me and love me so much.  Heaven knows I'm not perfect, but I always try my very best to be a very good friend.  I'm so lucky that I'll get to celebrate my birthday with a few of my closest oldest friends, this weekend. So excited!!  But seriously, I love them all.  They bring so much laughter to my life.  I love my friends who share their cultures with me and most especially the unity we always have over good food.  I'm grateful to always have a friend I can call up and say, "Hey, wanna go grab some tacos?" and sure enough, either one of us will show up late, but it's the fact that they showed up.  Love my friends!

*I love my home that I have with my husband.  It's cute and quaint and special because I feel like it's a safe haven of peace, love and laughter.  I'm sure it's because of who I share it with. :)

*I love all the blessings that I've received from my Heavenly Father.  I'm thankful for the talents that I have and the opportunity to cultivate new ones and share all of them.  Sometimes, I like to step back and think, "Dude, I just did that with my two hands!"  I love the pure knowledge and testimony that I have that He lives, as does His Son, Jesus Christ.  I'm not the best Mormon, heaven knows I have my downfalls, but I try my best to do good and be good.

*I love my life.  It's comfortable and happy and oh so funny.  Today, I love it 34,000x even more!  Happy birthday ME! :)

Birthday Blessings.

A couple weeks ago, my parents told me that they wanted to take me out to eat for my birthday.  They said to choose a restaurant and we could invite a few people.  Yesterday, we went to eat at one of my most favorite sushi restaurants, in Imperial Beach.  When Levi and I showed up, we were a few minutes late, but my parents, sister, nephew, niece, cousin's family & aunt were already there.  I walked in and they started cheering.  I hugged & kissed everyone then walked over to the seat that had a birthday balloon tied to it.  Next to my seat was a huge gift bag and several other birthday bags on top.

 In the middle of the table was a red & white birthday cake.  Needless to say, I felt so special.  The rest of our party showed up and then we ordered some yummy goodness! Man I love me some sushi, tempura shrimp & veggies!

 I was lucky to sit next to my Dad and get to chat with him.  It's always so good to see my Dad.  Time seems to fly by between each visit and it makes me miss him so much.
After we ate, we did the whole birthday cake schpeal and opened gifts.  Whenever it's my birthday and people are singing "Happy Birthday to You", it's always a lil awkward.  I never know what to do. Most times I just stare at the candles and think of my birthday wish.  Sometimes I just wanna sing along.  It's just an awkward moment...
My Mom got me a Red Velvet Cake.  It was really good!  I really love Red Velvet Cake!  I was touched that she remembered my favorite cake.  So delish!    

 Afterwards, I opened my presents.  I got a soy coconut candle.  I can't wait to burn it! It smells like surf wax, I love it!  Makes me miss the beach even more.

 I also received a shell box with a pretty shell pendant. 

I also received a card with some money from my Aunt K. It was so nice of her.  I was just so touched by everyone's kindness and generosity.  

The gift that touched my heart so deeply, was the big gift bag from my parents. Inside the huge bag was a box that had many different things wrapped up in it.  My parents got me (us) "Chinese plates".,,,Asian themed...whatevers, you get the idea. (I hate having to be so PC sometimes!) Anyways, I was, am, still so touched by their gift.  I wanna cry just looking at the plates, saimin bowls, rice bowls, and soup spoons they gave us.  

I feel like it's a little piece of my family here with me.  My Mom & Dad will never know just how touched I was by everything they did for me.  Even as I type this, I'm crying because I just want to embrace my parents dearly and thank them for making me feel so special on Saturday.  This little birthday party was probably the nicest, kindest, most generous, and thoughtful thing they've done for me.  I can't wait to use the plates & bowls.  
I think I'm also quite sentimental over their generosity is because I miss them.  I wish we lived closer to them because sometimes it's hard not seeing them daily, if not weekly.  I will remember this birthday luncheon for a very long time.  Just all of it, every detail that my parents had a hand in, has touched me so much.  I just want to thank them so much.  It was so tremendously thoughtful and I will remember this for a very, very long time.  

Daaaaang....time flies!!

•I need to blog more. I keep trying to blog about the wedding, but then I find myself doing something a little more important.

•I'm trying to blog, in bed, in the dark, without my contacts on. I don't know how long this post will be....

•I went out with some of the ladies from work to On The Border, for a happy hour farewell. I'm not gonna lie, I like happy hour! Who doesn't like 1/2 price appetizers?! When we were placing our drink orders, everyone ordered something with alcohol in it. I was the last to order so everyone heard me ask for a strawberry lemonade. A couple ladies laughed and didn't think I was serious. One even looked disgusted that I wasn't drinking. I told them I don't drink, to which two of them laughed and said, "Give it one year and you will be!" She was b!tchy anyways so I could care less about what she thought. I laughed to myself and thought, "Honey, give it 33 years and I still haven't! So take that!!" Some people.... 

•I'm stoked it's a 3.5 day weekend, at the end of this week!!! Hellooooo sleep! Nah, probably the beach!

•It's funny how certain scents can bring you back to a certain place and time. I bought an air freshener, this weekend, that reminds me of my parents' home. It reminds me of a really good time in our lives, a time when we felt like all we had were each other. It made me miss my parents today.

•I find myself thinking of my family a lot, lately. I miss seeing them every day.  I'm always so glad that they're a phone call or at least a 30 min drive away.

•Every day, I learn something new about myself, my husband or how to be a better partner. 

•I need to start attending my new {family} ward. I'm nervous.  It's a whole new ball game...no more Singles Wards. No more quiet Sacrament Meetings--I think that part makes me cry a lil inside.  It'll feel weird not being in the same (dating, schooling, etc.) boat as those in my ward.  It'll be most difficult not having any one to sit by.  I've always had a family member or close friend.  I just wish I had a friend in my new ward. Well technically I do, but he's married now and I think his wife's not cool with the idea of him having a female friend.  I kinda miss having a calling (service position at church).  Anyways, who knows who I could meet. I just wish I wasn't so awkwardly shy. 

•It's past midnight now. I should get some sleep.  I'm excited about lunch tomorrow! I finally made this chicken sandwich filling that tastes so scrumptiously delicious!!!! It has broccoli, grapes, onion flakes, mayo & dried cranberries!!  I also made a bacon, egg & cheese tossed salad! Oh yeaaaah!!

•One day closer to the weekend! YESSSS!!

The 1:16am Post

Technically, it's Monday morning...
Since I haven't fallen asleep, it's still Sunday, to me.

In a week's time, I will be a married lady!
MARRIED!!
Dude, I can't even wrap my head around it!

At times, I trip out. I will have a HUSBAND!!
I think I'm tripping out riiiiight now.

I wrote my vows last night.  Kinda surreal.  We read each other's vows today.  His vows were so sweet and tender (like him).  Mine....um, well, didn't quite sound like vows.  How in the world do you express your innermost feelings without sounding like a goon?!  In regards to my vows, my biggest accomplishment will be me being able to get through them without sobbing and getting choked up.  

In a week's time I will be surrounded by my most treasured loved ones.  I'm so happy for those we were able to invite.  I know not everyone we invited will be there, but it's totally understandable and we hold no ill will at all.  We're so blessed by the warm thoughts that have been sent our way.  We're so lucky!

I spoke to my childhood best friend tonight.  It's been a while since Liz & I spoke.  Sometimes life gets too busy.  I hate the distance that can happen in friendships.  I know I haven't focused on a lot of the friendships that I should, in which I feel terrible.  Anywhoo...back to Liz.  Man, I'm so thankful for those friends of mine that have been around since forever.  Friends who know me.  Those are the best types of friends.

Back to wedding freak-out stuff.  So I bought some Spanx.  Uh... I'm not super excited to be wearing it for the wedding.  Dang my stupid gym membership that I got like 3 months ago and didn't quite use.  Ugh....  Spanx, my last resort.

Oh yeah, we went by my parents' place yesterday.  We brought donuts to smooth things over and walked in to find that my Mom made teriyaki beef ribs, sausage, corn and beans. SOOOOOOOO DELISH!! Especially since we were starving....which is why we went overboard in buying a dozen donuts.  Anyways, it was such good familiar family comfort food.  I loved it.  I think I felt much like the Prodigal Son.  Since my last phone call with her ended so poorly, it was nice to be well received and smooth things over before the wedding.  As always, it was nice to see my Dad.  He looked 10x better than when we last saw him, on Father's Day.  I'm glad I'll be so blessed to see my parents, sister & kids in a week's time.  SO SOOOOOOO lucky to have all of them, in one place.

Man....what else.....  I need to start thinking about what to set aside and pack for our trip.  I'm the worst packer in the world, but I have to have everything packed a couple days prior.  Good luck to me.

Ok, I need to get some sleep.... I already know that this week is going to fly by!

A Tuesday Quickie....

*I enjoyed dinner with two old friends tonight.  It was lovely catching up with them and being friends in real life.  I LOVE seeing friends in real life, since we mostly communicate via Facebook & Instagram.

*I'm really enjoying work.  So far, nothing feels overwhelming, which is great!  When I interviewed with them, it sounded like it would be 100x more difficult, but I'm glad I'm understanding everything coming my way.  It was a great boost of confidence today, when my trainer said I'm doing awesome and picking it all up very quickly.  I'm so grateful for all the job experiences that have led me to this point in life. 

*I'll be seeing my parents tomorrow.  I feel like every time I see them, they age a year older.  Oh my parents, I wonder what it would have been like to be friends with them at my age right now.  Isn't that something to think about.

*I'm excited for Valentine's Day/Weekend!!  I think I'm even more stoked to have Monday off so I can sleep in.  Seriously, I've been dragging myself out of bed every morning.  I don't know why I'm so exhausted?! Perhaps it's because I have to be at work an hour earlier than my last job and I have to leave an hour before I start (work is 12 miles away, but traffic is terrible!)  Anyways, back to Monday... Happy Sleep Day, to me!

*I just realized that tomorrow marks the 10 year anniversary of returning home from my mission.  Seriously, 10 years??!? Ten years since this picture!!  Wow.... I was so young, on so many levels. I'm so grateful for the life experiences that I've had since then.

*Now that I feel old, I should get to sleep.... It's already hard in the morning, no use making it any harder!  Good night, world!

Music in my heart.

Tonight, I somehow stumbled across this video and it's one of my most favorite Tongan hymns.  

It makes me think back to Sunday afternoons I use to spend with my parents, in my childhood home.  I would practice church hymns on my yellow piano, and my Mom would sing along.  Since she's a natural Alto, I would sing Soprano and then we'd switch so I could learn the Alto parts.  Occasionally. my Dad would join us and hum along to the Bass part.  My Dad had such a beautiful Bass voice and I miss hearing him sing, in church.  When my Dad would join my Mom and I, we'd switch over to singing Tongan hymns.  I was always grateful that he would join us and teach me about some of his favorite Tongan hymns.  

Tonight, as I was singing along to video above, my heart and mind found its way back to those cherished Sunday afternoons that we spent together.  I miss Sundays like those.

Week in review.

8/1 Thurs:  Went out to dinner with Levi & my folks.  It was a pleasant dinner and the lobster was DELISH! I don’t understand how some people don’t like seafood, not to mention lobster!  I love it!!  I don’t know if I could be friends with people that don’t like seafood.  That’s just odd to me.  It’s like not enjoying fresh air or something.  


8/2 Fri: SEA WORLD!!! SEA PANDAS!! {orca whales} I had a BLAST with Levi!  All of it was just SO. MUCH. FUN.!!! Plus it was tons of fun hangin’ outside, in gorgeous San Diego! Seriously, I love living here because it’s just so amazingly beautiful, all the time! People come here for their vacations and I’m so unbelievably LUCKY to live here!!! I LOVE it!!  We watched the Cirque de la Mer show and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!  It was like a circus, over the waters of Mission Bay!!!  As always, I totally enjoy the underwater tube of Shark Encounter!  Turtle Reef was a new experience, as well as the Sea Lion & Otter show.  

My fave has always been the Shamu show, which is kinda cooler at night…but it’s definitely changed a lot since I was a kid.  Trainers no longer enter the waters, for safety reasons, which is totally understandable.  I wanted to see more tricks, but it’s ok.  Levi knew Sea World like the back of his hand, and introduced me to the Shamu tank, down below.  I NEVER knew of such a thing and probably could have spent the entire night just watching the “Sea Pandas” swimming around!!! It was the COOLEST thing ever!!! I was like little kid, with my face pressed up against the plexiglass!!! They were just sleeping, but even just watching them bob up and down, and slightly flip over was so fascinating!!!!  Next time I go back, I’m probably gonna spend an hour or three just watching them!  Seriously.  
We watched the evening firework show from Shamu stadium {if you do that, watch ‘em from the left side of the stage--too many trees otherwise}.  The fireworks reminded us of our engagement night at Disneyland, following their evening fireworks show.  I got a lil emotional remembering that special night.  I asked Levi if there was going to be another sparkly ring following the fireworks…he laughed.  A LOT.  Can’t blame a girl for trying ;) 

8/3 Sat:  It was my niece Novee’s second softball game.  She scored the only point for the team……with a HOME RUN!!!!!!!  HOW FRIGGIN AWESOME IS SHE?!?!??!  I couldn’t have been more proud of my niece!!!!  She hit it all the way to the back fence and then ran like the wind!!!  I was too ecstatic while cheering to take any photos!!!  MVP right here, baby!! I hope she’s enjoying playing Softball because she’s pretty dang great! She hits VERY well, throws farther and more accurately than anyone else on the team and is fearless when catching the ball!  Hmm….MVP today, National Womens Softball team for the 2024 Olympics tomorrow?  Ok ok…..maybe that’s a lil far reaching, but I’m glad that she’s not only cute, kind, & funny, but that she’s athletic & fearless! Love this girl!  

8/4 Sun: I skipped church on Sunday. It was such a gorgeous day and I honestly didn’t want to find myself sitting through a lengthy Fast & Testimony meeting.  I have a very difficult time sitting through long road stories & people rambling on and on instead of bearing a testimony of the gospel.  Instead, I spent a very relaxing day with Levi and it couldn’t have been more perfect!  

8/5 Mon: Had dinner with Levi and it was SCRUMPTIOUS!!!  Prime rib, crab legs and yams are the way to my heart!! Divine!!  I just love spending time with my sweetheart, especially 5 days in a row!  

8/6 Tues:  I went to the (church) ward Softball game and took photos.  Riddle me this; why the heck do the men get to have both Basketball & Softball…and then women get NOTHING?!?!?  That really pisses me off.  Why can’t Softball be co-ed??? And then women get Volleyball??   ANYWAYS,  I got some great shots and kinda ran into an old friend from Institute classes that we had together about 2.5 years ago.  He got married about 2 years ago, but it was a lil awkward because I kept looking over at him and he seemed as though he didn’t even want to say hi, basically acting like we never knew each other.  I didn’t want to make it awkward, since he’s married, so I just gave up trying to say hi.  I sent him a friendly email, via Facebook, and he quickly responded saying that he wasn’t sure it was me and didn’t want to look like a stalker, staring across the field.  I figured it out; I probably look WAAAAAAY different now from when he knew me.  I met him right after I shaved my head, and Tuesday night I had long, braided hair and I was wearing my glasses.  It would have been cool to chat, but what a difference hair & glasses make! 

8/7 Wed: Man, I DO NOT enjoy Optometrist appointments, especially when I have to get my eyes dilated!  Luckily, Levi took me to my appointment so I wasn’t stranded.  I couldn’t be more grateful for him.  I wasn’t wearing my glasses, since I brought some sunglasses along with me….which basically meant I was blinded by the sun and just blind in general.   It gave me some perspective into my Dad’s sightless life, and the trust you need to have in those who guide you.  I’ll blog more about that later.  Costco, thank you for your SUPER NICE optometrist, Chicken Bakes & Churros!! 

8/8 Thurs:  Last night, my friend sent me a text: Hey, so what’s the plan for your birthday?  I still can’t believe that my birthday’s NEXT MONTH!! I have no idea why I get so excited for my birthday, maybe I really am a kid at heart?!  Dude, I’m gonna be 33.  Ugh…. I like 32, or any other smaller number.  I think I get ecstatic over the idea of celebrating a birthday; mine, yours, anyones…it’s someone’s special day, so I think it’s a big deal!  I think people need to feel important, special and all around loved on their birthday.  I’m not saying that because mine is coming up, but I always try to do something great for loved ones.  I guess after having so many terrible birthdays growing up, I never want someone’s special day to go un-specialized!  :)   Before my friend’s text, I had started to think of my list of Thank You cards that I like to give out on my birthday.  That has become one of my most favorite birthday traditions! I seriously love it so much!  I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, on my blog.  A couple years ago,  I wanted to express my heartfelt appreciation to those who made my life so spectacular, so I wrote Thank You cards and hand delivered them out on my birthday.  It caught all my friends off guard because they weren’t expecting to receive something on someone else’s birthday.  I think that’s why I also like doing it, it’s such a surprise.  Plus, I think people need to hear a good word or two, especially one of appreciation.  

Yep, that’s been my week….. Here’s looking to a lovely weekend!  

Atelophobia.

Today, I read a friend’s blog and learned about Atelophobia. 

Atelophobia: the fear of not being good enough or imperfection. 

At the end of her blog entry, she said, “But I can’t be the only one who feels this way about things?”  I thought about leaving a comment, but in actuality, this has been a thought of mine for the last few weeks.
I am/was a people pleaser…it comes and goes.  I grew up with my Mom always being comparing me to my brothers, friends, family, & neighbors.  Countless times I heard the line, “I already had my two boys, it was him (my Dad) that wanted a girl.”  So I already knew I wasn’t good enough.  It’s taken a HUGE toll on my self confidence.  I try to hide it and I try to do my very best to never believe the trash that’s kicked my way. I try to “fake it til I make it”, but that’s not always a solution.  These days, I consider the source and kick that trash to the curb. I am a VERY good daughter, and the best my parents will EVER have! {even though I‘m the only one}
I use to worry if I was a good enough Mormon. I’d compare my “have not’s” with others’ “have’s”, in the way of callings, talents, and accomplishments. I was hard on myself, I needed to give a 1000% in ALL things.  Dude, that was too much.  I laid on that “Mormon guilt” real thick, too thick, on myself.  I know how much service my family gave to the church, so I felt like I too had to go down that same path.   People can get burnt out real fast and that’s what it became for me.  At one point I had 5 callings.  Too much!!!  Church became more work, than worship.   I’ve come to terms with it.  All I have to do is be good enough for myself and my God.  I don’t have to go to ALL the ward activities.  I don’t pass out pass-along cards every day.  If I don’t want to go to church and spend it outside on a gorgeous day, or with loved ones…then I don’t go.  Do I feel guilty about it?  Nope, not in the least bit.  Do I care what others think about what I do or don’t do in the way of church?  Nah.  Do I like diet Coke? You bet your ass I do!  Do I support friends in callings and tasks at church? Absolutely.  
Speaking of friends…thankfully, I have never felt like a failure when it came to friendships.  I truly love my friends, and I’m pretty certain that they love me back.  I have always tried to be a true and loyal friend.   I will always try to be the best friend possible, to all my friends. 
Although, lately, I’ve worried if I’m good enough for my sweetheart Levi.  I can never adequately describe how much happiness he has brought to my life, heart and soul.  He spoils me to no end with his unconditional love,  undivided attention, endless patience, immeasurable wisdom and unceasing sense of humor.  I couldn’t have been luckier and more blessed to find this man.  I always hope that I reciprocate all the happiness he brings me.  {Thankfully, he reassures me that I do…and you know what, I believe him.  I know I make him happy!}  BUT, I can’t always worry about this concern and any other concerns, it takes away from my happiness and joy.  Every minute of worry is 60 seconds of happiness I throw away. 

As much as I want to worry about not being “good enough”, it’s JUST. NOT. WORTH. IT.!!! 
Whose standard of “good enough” or “perfection” am I comparing myself to anyways?   I am not going to sell myself short anymore, in assuming my good isn’t good enough! Damnit, my good is not only good enough, it‘s GREAT! 
In the end, I just need to be perfectly ME: Random, late, loyal, loving, sarcastic, happy, wise, impatient, talented, witty, kind ME!  

Parenting.

Don’t get me wrong and assume that I have some sort of vengeance against parents, due to my post from a couple days ago.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth! I have a very high respect for parents, especially single parents, who go about doing their best to raise good children who have the potential to become extraordinary adults.  
Since the age of 9, I’ve had a front row seat to watching a baby grow into a toddler, start kindergarten, grow up, graduate from school and become a man.  In fact, I’ve had that beautiful experience at least 3 times over and now I’m currently watching my 12 year old niece blossom into a beautiful young woman.  By all means, I can CLEARLY see that parenthood is NOT a walk in the park!  Having shared a room with my first 2 nephews, I fondly remember the happiness that overcame me when they started to sleep all through the night!  Being 12 -16 years old, and waking up to a crying baby wasn’t fun, at all!  {If anything convinced me more of not becoming a teenage parent, it was certainly the lack of sleep due to a wet, hungry & crying baby} I remember how overjoyed we would all be when one of our toddlers didn’t need to use his pull-ups anymore because he finally grasped the concept of using the “potty.”  I remember how ecstatic we all were when one of our young 1st graders started to learn the words she needed for her spelling test, which soon became apart of her daily vocabulary.  
I get it--Parenting is hard. Luckily, I’ve seen the rewards that come with it.  When a child succeeds in accomplishing a hard task or homework project, their joy is remarkable! How wonderful it is when a parent can match their excitement!  I can understand that although it is hard, it can also be rewarding.  
Sometimes it kinda scares me that parenthood is right around the corner for Levi and I.  Although this is a rather big corner, it’s a lot closer than it’s ever been before! At times I get a lil scared, but I know that I have a strong partner in Levi.  It’s a learning process, and luckily we all get to take it one day at a time.  

In the last two days, my appreciation has grown for parents, as I’ve spent more time with my niece.  She just started at her new middle school and the homework load is just like I remember it. A LOT!  On Monday, we went over her Algebra, Social Studies and English homework.  It took a while.  On Tuesday, she came home, then we immediately left for her Softball practice.  I thought I was going to get to kick it in the shade for an hour & a half, but there I was playing catcher and then running bases.  {Note to self: get back to the gym this week!} Afterwards, we went home, did some more Distributive Property Algebra homework, then started on her Science project; an “All About Me” shadow box.  We didn’t finish til about 10pm, which only left enough time for her to go home, shower and hit the sack!  Poor girl! Some of the neighbor kids asked her to come outside and play.  I could tell that she wanted to, but she knew of the responsibilities at hand.  When we wrapped up our night, I was ready for the sack, too!  
So to all those parents out there… I get it -- it’s hard!  There are no days off.  The benefits aren’t always so great….but the retirement plan looks rewarding: the end product of a terrific kid, who becomes an intelligent, sensitive & respectful adult is pretty dang phenomenal!   
A HUGE kudos to all you parents who do your very best!! I have no doubt that you’re making a difference in your children’s lives and tomorrow’s world. 

What I want my children to know...

After yet another lively "conversation", with my Dad this morning, I started to ponder the things I hope my {future} children will know....


*I want them to know how special they are to Levi & I.  I want them to know that we consider ourselves the luckiest parents on earth, because we get to have front row seats to their extraordinary existence.  I want them to know that they'll always be able to talk to us, because we want to help them in whatever way possible.  We'll try to be their best friends, but first and foremost we'll always be their parents.

*I want them to know that home will always be a safe haven from the cruel and insensitive world.  "Homes are for free expression, not for good impression."   I want them to feel safe, and know that they are always welcome and wanted there.

*I want them to know who they are, why they're here and where they're going.  I want them to know that they are children of a loving Heavenly Father, who wants them to live righteous lives and return to Him.

*I want them to know to know their self worth, to grow up to become caring, sensitive, intelligent individuals.  I want them to know that they can achieve anything they set their mind & heart to.  And if they ever fall short, I want them to know that there's always a way back up. 

*Above all else, I want them to know how much they are loved.  I want them to thoroughly know it and believe it. I want them to know that I will love them from the second they're conceived, until well into the eternities.  I want them to know that love and affection will be given in high doses, even when they're teenagers who get embarrassed by their "uncool" parents.  I never want them to doubt how much their parents love them, because I will do my very best to show them love and understanding, most especially when they need it the most. 

51 years.

 

For years, I had no clue what my Dad was doing in the photo above, til my nephew came home from his mission in the South Pacific.... But that's my Dad, the jokester.  

 

 Happy 51st Anniversary to my parents.  I hope they have a spectacular time celebrating their marriage today!! They teach me a lot about marriage.  I'm grateful that I still get to learn from and be loved by them.  I'm truly grateful that they were married 51 years ago in the Laie LDS temple, so that I can be sealed to them for time and all eternity.   What a beautiful blessing.

On the up and up...

Yesterday, I woke up thinking it was Friday.  I was immediately happy, giddy and excited that I would be seeing Levi, because we had made Friday night date plans!!  Till it dawned on me that it wasn't Friday, but in fact just Thursday.  Man, I was so bummed! Such a let down.  It felt like the day seemed even longer.  When I woke up this morning, I couldn't wait for the day to pass quickly and to get my optometrist appoint over with cause I would soon be seeing Levi.
However.... it wasn't smooth sailing today....
-Found out from my Facebook newsfeed, from a conversation between my nephew's fiancee and her friend, that he's getting married on June 21.  Yet again, just like his engagement, I had to find out about his life on Facebook. Well then again, her grandma didn't know about the upcoming wedding until that same Fb conversation.  It's so nice that they're old enough to get married, but not mature enough to inform family members--like his own Mom. Wow....
-Got in a huge argument with my parents.  Hurtful things were said and to be honest, it was emotionally draining. 
-Skipped out on my optometrist appointment, because my eyes were red from crying and rubbing them.  To be honest, the optometrist that I go to is a jerk and I didn't want to give him something else to ream me about. 
But in the end, just like the rainy, grey weather of today, the day/evening got better!
**My friend Tui, who's Tongan & Japanese, received her mission call today to the Japan Sendai mission.  She'll be entering the MTC on April 24.  She called me up to personally tell me and thank me for making her feel so welcomed in the CVYSA ward when she started attending right after high school.  That really touched my heart that amongst all the calls she made today, she felt prompted to call me and to thank me.  I teared up.  I'm so happy for her!  She's going to be a terrific missionary!
**Filippi's Pizza Grotto, is opening a location here in Imperial Beach! OH YEAAAAAH!!! Man, I LOOOOOVE their pizza! Seriously, it fills the Pie Pizzeria hole that I have in my heart. 
**I had a fabulous date night with my sweetheart.  Just being with him was more than I could have asked for today.  It was perfect.  We went to Aroma Thai and had yellow curry w/ chicken and broccoli and chicken in peanut sauce. DELICIOUS!!!! Oh man, I LOOOOOOVED it!!  Then we stopped in at Oasis Ice Cream Parlor where it has THE BEST ice cream in the world! Seriously, I LOVE this place! I had coconut & watermelon and it was DIVINE!! It's like eating a real frozen watermelon and coconut! I have no desire to go to Cold Stone, with Oasis around!! Levi had banana and rocky road and man, it was super yummy!!!!! Gosh, I love this place too much!  Afterwards we went to see Identity Thief and man, I totally LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!!!  I have always enjoyed Melissa McCarthy because she will forever be Sookie St. James, in my mind. It was just a spectacular evening with my sweetheart.  He's the best, he really is!  Oh my lucky stars, I'm so blessed.

As of late, in mid December...

*Mama McK is in town. Oh how I love this woman! I'm so excited to introduce her to my sweetheart!

*I need to finish my Christmas shopping this week. Man, oh man.... and then start my parents' Christmas shopping, too.  Oh man...

*I went to see The Hobbit yesterday.  Kinda interesting.  Something I wouldn't have seen on my own, but I'm glad I went to see it.  Kinda makes me want to watch Lord of the Ring now.

*My ward Christmas party was on Friday. It was nice to share it with Levi.  I'm thankful for this past year of being able to become better friends with those in my ward.  They are great people with kind hearts.  It was hard to see that at first, because I had (still have) such a great love for my friends back at CVYSA ward.  I'm grateful for the friends I have in PB!  I couldn't be happier!

*My heart hurts for those families affected by the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. How very sad and heart wrenching that they have lost a loved one, during this time of year.  What a selfish and evil act by this heartless individual!

*Today in church, a woman shared her experience as an occupational therapist for the military.  She shared the downside of her job, and all the horror stories she hears from soldiers who come back from war.  Tears flowed down her face as she expressed the hardship of hearing such terrible experiences.  It made my heart sad and grateful for those willing soldiers who leave the comfort of home, family & safety so that we can enjoy our freedom.  

*While singing in ward choir today, I became more grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ.  Sometimes, I have to concentrate a lil harder on not crying while singing, because I just can't help but be touched by the lyrics.  

I have a great love for Jesus Christ.  I have come to know Him as my Savior and my dear friend.  When my grandmother passed away, while on my mission, and I was far from home, I didn't feel alone.  I knew that I had someone that knew exactly how I felt.  That was when I gained my testimony of the Atonement and Jesus Christ as my Savior. I'll always be grateful for that experience and the way I was able to grow at such a low moment in my life.  I'm truly thankful for this time of year that we, as a world, get to reflect on our Savior's birth.  Because He lived, we can all live again.  This I know to be true. 

The best part of coming home...

All I wanted for the entire week I was in Seattle, was to be home with Levi.  It was closing in on a month of being apart, and my heart couldn't stand it any longer!  I asked him to pick me up from the airport, and he was more than willing to do so.  He was the first person I wanted to see as soon as I landed in San Diego.
Never in my life had I ever wanted to be on a plane as badly as I did!  My flight didn't leave until 6pm this past Sunday and I wanted the time to fly by quickly!  My 2 hour and 40 minute flight was cut down to 2 hours and 9 minutes. My heart skipped a beat!! I was restless on the plane! I was so nervous, too!  It had been a month since we last saw each other and all the butterflies had built up.... "Would he still think I was cute?" "Did I look different since he last saw me?"  "Out of sight, out of mind?"  I have no idea why I had such crazy thoughts, the anticipation had built up so much!
Ideally, as soon as I got off the plane, I wanted to duck into a restroom to refresh myself.  However, as soon as I started to walk away from the gate, as badly as I need to use the restroom, I just wanted to see him!  My backpack was bulky and heavy and my purse seemed to be about the same.  As I passed security, I saw him leaning against the wall, at the end of the hallway.  I couldn't stop the huge smile from stretching across my face!! I was ecstatic to see him!  He looked cuter than ever!  My heart wanted to burst! I walked faster towards him and then threw my arms around him and hugged him ever so tightly!! Everything felt the same....and my heart felt complete once again!  We went to get my suitcase, then headed back to the restroom.  He was the perfect gentleman and carried my backpack, suitcase and peacoat.  We went to get a bite to eat, since I only ate breakfast that day, and then he dropped me off at my place.
I never, ever, EVER want to spend that much time away from Levi, ever again.  It was hard and at times, it seriously sucked.  I was blessed to spend the next evening with him & my family as we walked around Christmas Circle in Chula Vista and then bowling.  I always have the best of times with him.

I love him dearly.  I'm so glad that I could spend the evening with him and my sister's family.  I'm especially glad that I could finally be open with my parents about our relationship.  My parents can be a lil overprotective/crazy and I needed to time it just right.  I'm so grateful that Levi was understanding through it all.  My Dad just wanted to know that Levi loved me and treated me right.  As far as that goes, my Dad has nothing to worry about....I'm the luckiest girl in the world. 

Parenting.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about parenting....

This past Saturday, I watched the 4 Buzz kids. Oh I love those kids to pieces! I've known each of them since they were born and I love them so much because I love their parents dearly.  It's been a wonderful blessing watching Reed & JJ develop into the parents that they are today.  I take a lot of mental notes of what type of parent I hope to be, someday.  I learn a lot from my sister, as well.  She's amazing and I hope to be a mother just like her.
Earlier this year, as I was sitting in Stake Conference (church) I watched my friend Jude deal with her [youngest] toddler son who couldn't sit still.  Jude stood up multiple times, to retrieve her son from the doorway of the cultural hall.  He obviously didn't want to sit down, but there she was, standing up, yet again, to pull him back to his seat.  This went on for close to an hour.  Her husband and 4 older kids, sat contently, listening to the speakers.  I watched in amazement of how she never lost her cool.  How do parents do it?  I was amazed because I'm pretty sure that this is what she goes through every Sunday, just so her young kids can attend church.  How do parents do it? How do they have the patience to train their kids to sit still [and quiet] for church?  It made me think of a blog post, from a few years back, when I was bothered by the noisy children of a [family] ward/congregation.  I was VERY short sighted and quick to judge.  I have a greater admiration and respect for those parents who do their very best to train their young children to sit for an hour, in Sacrament meeting.  I can never pass judgement, again.  To my friend Christin, I apologize for not truly understanding the challenges of hands-on parenting.  It really isn't as easy as it looks, I know this, but I forgot when I passed judgement on the noisy kids in church.  That is not an easy job....but I am sure it is well worth it.  Someday, I'll come to know the blessings (and challenges) of being a parent.
On Monday, I attended the funeral of my friends' infant son, Noah.  He was six months old and passed away due to serious heart complications.  I've never attended the funeral of a baby or child.  It was unlike anything I had ever witnessed.  Just before the funeral started,  Noah's parents walked in.  I was expecting Noah's casket to be carried in by pall bearers, just like any other funeral I've attended. However, what I witnessed was something unlike anything I've ever seen in my life.  Patrick, Noah's father, dutifully and very carefully, carried in his son's casket.  Dani, Noah's mother & Patrick's wife, walked behind him.  There was a reverent silence in the chapel.  It's was a beautiful and heart wrenching scene that had unfolded in front of all of our eyes.  My heart hurt for Patrick and Dani, at their young tender age they were already burying their first baby.  They were no longer the young adults I had once known, because they grew up immensely during these last six months.  I marveled at their strength and the unity they shared during this most difficult time.  Watching Patrick carry his baby son's casket, with a good woman behind him, has made a deep impression upon my heart.  
I don't know when I'll become a parent, but I look forward to it, with all of my heart. I admire my friends who are such great parents to their children.  I know it won't be easy and there will probably be challenging times, but I cannot wait.  It's something I've wanted for such a long, long time.

Noah's two aunts sang this song and their version (not this video) was so beautiful. 

 I just wanted to share this beautiful song. 

Bub's Bday, Tijuana Temple & Peej's Wedding!

Last Sunday, was my nephew Bub's 20th birthday!! 20!!! Where has 20 years gone?!?! I'm so truly grateful for my nephew Bub.  In the family, he's one of my best friends.  I just love hanging out with him, it's always such a good time!!  We laugh a lot and our sense of humor is quite similar.  He's always had a special place in my heart since he was born.  He wasn't able to come home, right away, from the hospital and that was the first time I experienced such sadness.  I just wanted this broad chested baby to come home with his family.  I remember crying and not understanding all that was happening.  He came home a day later and it's been such a blessing ever since.  He is truly his name! In English, it's translated to "Love Never Ending" and it couldn't be more true.  It's impossible to ever be mad at him, for long.  Even if such a thing happens, he knows how to crack a joke and suddenly you're the best of friends, again.  As someone who can hold a grudge, this frustrates me when I'm steaming mad at him, because it all disappears a minute later.

He's a gentle giant (6'3) and befriends all.  He will be a blessing to all those he'll come across while he serves his 2 year LDS mission in the Philippines (that begins in about a week & a half)  Too soon :(  I will miss him tremendously. I already do, since he's been living in Utah for the last year and a half. I miss him whenever I can't find my glasses in the morning.  I could always count on him to come find them for me, after I gave up stumbling around, blindly.  He puts up with my [occasionally lame] jokes, and lets me lightly scratch the side of his stomach past the point of annoyance.  He also doesn't get too mad when I call him, "Bubbie" and is always up for a game of "500"/Rummy with me.  My heart is so full of love for this wonderful nephew of mine.  HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BUB!

This will be the Tijuana Mexico LDS temple!! 

As I've been typing this post, I've been watching the streaming of the groundbreaking.  I cannot even begin to describe the feelings in my heart.  Tears have been streaming down my face and clouding my eyes over and my t-shirt is wet from repeatedly wiping my face.  My heart is so full of love and gratitude that Heavenly Father has finally saw fit to bless the members in Tijuana, Mexico with their very own temple.  When I worked as an ordinance worker at the San Diego temple, the saints from Mexico would flood the temple on Saturday mornings.  They would come with joy in their hearts and a smile on their face.  Of course, most members are like that when they attend the temple, but I know the hardship of crossing the US/Mexico border....it is not fun and it is NOT short.  Sometimes, you can easily be in line for 2+ hours!   Yet they come, faithful and happy!  I think of all those saints that don't have the proper documentation to cross over, how blessed they will be to go to the temple in their own city and country.  

Right now, I live about 30 minutes away from the San Diego temple.  After mapping out this new temple, I am 18 minutes away!!  I will definitely be attending the temple a lot more in Tijuana!  Of course, I'll have to brush up on my Spanish, but I'm thankful for translation devices the temple offers.  I'm also excited for the food that will be served in their cafeteria.  Temple food is DELICIOUS, so I can only imagine what MEXICAN TEMPLE FOOD will be like!! ORALE! :) 

My very dear friend, PajamaPants will be marrying his fiance.  I'm excited for my friend to start his new life with his partner.  PajamaPants means the world to me and I am elated that he wants me to be a part of his celebration of love.  I will be there to support my friend and his happiness. However, I will not be there alone.....   I asked Mr. Red to be my date and I'm friggin ECSTATIC!!! Oh yes baby, I am!! I told PajamaPants that I don't know who's more excited for his wedding, him or me.  Just kiddin'....  Anyways, I'm stoked because I just LOVE LOVE LOVE hanging out with Mr. Red and PajamaPants.  They both came to church, last year on my birthday, because I asked them to.  Anyways, I'm stoked because I'll get to see Mr. Red dressed up, and smelling OH SO DAMN DELICIOUS!! Oh I LOOOOOOOOOOVE his cologne!! It'll be a "brown wedding" so there will be GOOD FOOD and GREAT MUSIC for dancing!! Oh yeah baby, this will be an AMAAAAAAAAAAZING night!!  Oh yes indeed!!

My Mom's in Hawaii right now, for a family reunion and to visit her sister who's recently had two strokes.  I've stayed back to take care of my Dad.  Man, is it a humbling experience, especially after my last post.  It's hard for me to hold feelings of resentment and bitterness towards him as I serve him.  He's blind and a diabetic, so I've got to cook all of his meals and makes sure they're nutritionally good for him.  It's not a burden, because I love to cook for others.  This is a good blessing for me to learn to serve him.  I cook for my parents often, but it's a lil different since my Dad & I haven't been getting along lately.  He's been really grateful for everything I've done for him since my Mom left. I just hope it helps our relationship.

Ok, with that said, I've gotta get breakfast started....

What a wonderful day it's been so far! How often does one get to watch a temple groundbreaking?  Spectacular!