Tearful Tuesday...Mr. Red & Ras.

Last night, my nephew Sim & I went over to Mr. Red's for dinner.  On Sunday, Sim & Mr. Red were talking about his Vespa, that he doesn't really use.  Sim's been in need of his own mode of transportation since coming home from his mission, in August.  Part of the reason why Sim was invited over was so he could discuss the (2006, great condition) Vespa and a possible sale. After dinner the discussion started and ended with Mr. Red giving Sim his Vespa for an EXTREMELY generous price.  Let's just say it's BEYOND generous.   He practically gave Sim the Vespa, but Sim felt he should give him something, at least...so he offered everything he had in his wallet.  $5.  FIVE DOLLARS!  And Mr. Red accepted it.  Sim had a perma-grin, from ear to ear.  I think we were both in shock.  I was floored at his charitable offer and kind act.   Mr. Red couldn't have bestowed such generosity upon a more humble and grateful person, like Sim.  While Sim was out riding around, Mr. Red & I talked, on his uber-comfy couch.  However, I was uncommonly quiet.  The fortunate thing about Mr. Red is that silence between us is A-Ok, it's not uncomfortable because he knows I'm [usually] contemplating and reflecting on something.  Last night was a little different, I was awfully quiet and I couldn't understand why, yet Mr. Red was patient, as always.

After Sim & I got home, I was texting with Ras.  He's usually the last person I communicate with at night and it's become a common thing for him to wish me, "boa noite,  doces sonhos" (good night, sweet dreams).  Sometimes, my day would start with a "Bom dia!" text.  After going back and forth for a bit, it really started to hit me that my friend was leaving for 2 years. Two WHOLE years.  It hit me hard, really hard.  While Mr. Red was away on deployment for several months, Ras became the friend I needed and grew closer to. After my "Ras is leaving for two years" realization, the water works started and wouldn't stop.  I cried because I was going to miss my friend so much! I don't always see Ras' the callous side that so many other see.  I'm fortunate enough to see the kind, caring and sensitive Ras that he rarely lets others know about. While I was Relief Society president, he sustained me in so many ways.  When I felt down in the dumps about stuff, I'd turn to him and he'd uplift my spirits and heart.  Yeah, I liked him at one time, but at the heart of it all, we were always friends.  So when I say I'm going to miss him, I'm going to miss my good friend who's been there when I didn't allow others to see my weak or vulnerable side, my friend who never got annoyed at my antics and my friend who's just fun to be around.  
I started to think of the transaction that occurred between Mr. Red and Sim.  How in the world was Mr. Red really going to give Sim the Vespa for free?! How is someone just so giving and willing to accept $5 for a 5 year old, great condition motor scooter?!  And on top of that, giving him the helmet and riding gloves too!?  I couldn't wrap my mind around it.  This guy who practically gave away his Vespa is my friend...not just some random good guy from a random heart warming story, but my friend who I'm tremendously blessed to know.  I wept more, my heart was bursting at the seams and I couldn't stop the tears.  My mind and heart was in awe that Heavenly Father would bless my life with such giving, compassionate and selfless friends.  Knowing and realizing this was overwhelming, last night.  I'm truly grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows what types of friends I need in my life and blesses me with such heaven sent angels.  My cup runneth over!!   

The perma-grin happy new Vespa owner.

(and yes, even as I was typing this the water works were slighly flowing.  I can't help it, my heart is bursting with gratitude!)

Dating, Marriage and Hope.

I really feel like writing in my journal tonight. However, I'm staying at a friend's during this Thanksgiving weekend and I left it at home.  I'm a lil bummed about it, because I like to take my journal with me wherever I'm staying.  I like to write in it, at the end of my day, right before I go to bed.  It's how I unwind, at night.  Since I don't have my journal...this is the next best thing.  I hope I don't get too TMI, but I have stuff on my mind. Stuff that I've been thinking of for the last couple days...several weeks... for a while.
Well, as previously mentioned, I'm in a Singles adult ward (no longer in a young single adult ward).  From talking with friends, I hope I don't "retire" from another ward.  I've been thinking a lot about dating & marriage.
I'm tired of being single. I envy my friends who are married with kids... oh how I wish I could be living that life and feeling like I'm actually accomplishing the purpose of this life.  Sometimes I wonder, "Do my married friends feel sorry/pity on me because I'm not married with children, like they are?" A couple of my married friends say they wish they could trade places with me; single, free to come & go with ease, do whatever I want, etc.  I guess the 'grass seems greener on the other side.'
I'd really like to experience marriage, in this lifetime.  I'd like to experience motherhood and the blessing of pregnancy, feeling life growing within me.  I'm tired of being alone.  I miss being in a relationship, having someone by your side is an amazing feeling.  What do I miss the most about being in a relationship?  Geez, where do I begin? I miss those 'inside' jokes.  I miss someone who just 'gets me', because that means a lot to me... where I don't have to explain why I do/say stuff because they just know me so well.  I miss physical affection, people need to be touched. I learned a lot about that while in massage college.  It's true.  People need hugs and just good physical touch (I don't necessarily mean sex, I'm sure that's good too... I wouldn't know, yet).  I miss holding hands, having a warm arm around me, a safe & secure arm to hold while walking, the closeness of two faces, allowing/desiring someone to be in your 'personal space', a good guy hug, cuddling... I crave [good] physical touch.  I miss the closeness, security and intimacy a relationship provides.  I miss sharing my most tender feelings and deepest thoughts, allowing myself to trust someone enough to be vulnerable.  Most of all, I miss saying, "I love you" and knowing you mean it more than when you say it to all others in your life.
I really miss being in a serious relationship.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to be in one, again.  Part of me says 'no' because I want to offer him my very best self.  I want to give him the best me; physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, intellectually and all other "-ly's".  There are some areas that I know I can and should improve on.  Of course I'd want to give my best self because I'm hoping that there's a man out there that has those same intentions, as well.  I hope I get to be married in the temple, someday.   Honestly, I'm getting a little sick and tired of being the lone single at so many church activities and friends' events.  As much as I LOVE going to the temple, it seems like everyone there has on a wedding ring. :( I just wonder, "When is it going to be my turn?"  I hate thinking that question because it brings tears to my eyes, every time.  I also wonder, "Did I somehow raise my hand in the pre-mortal existence agreeing to live a life without marriage and children???"  I get tired praying about it, because I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. I know that all things are done in the Lord's time and will, but I have a hard time convincing my poor heart.  I wish I could just know with a surety if I'm to be married in this lifetime or not. I can't help but sigh and try to put it in the furthest part of my mind and heart, put a smile on my face and try to be okay with it all....because quite honestly, I'm not.  I can't convince my heart any more because it hurts trying to hope for something that doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen.  Will I forever be 'aunt Ehu who never got married'?  I think I just might be.  Oh well.

"Age appropriate" clothes?

Tonight, I was reading the newspaper, skimming over store ads and "window shopping" online.  I started to think about stuff I wear and how I wish I could/would dress.  I know I'm 31 year old (man, I still don't like saying that aloud :( )  and I don't think, feel or act like a 31 year old....maybe I look like it? Gosh, I hope not... maybe I really should start wearing SPF +1000 on my face?
Well anyways, back to my point... 
In my ideal world, I would wear:

With jeans, cute cardigans and accessories, of course!  You know, so I don't look like I'm 15 or something.  


**I guess I posted this for more reasons than one.... I'm kinda not the best dresser. I'm either too casual or too over the top.   I wish I could live in board shorts, hoodie sweaters and Reef slippers--but I can't, as much as I'd like to think I can, living in San Diego.  I just wish I was one of those "cutesy" type of dressers.... *sigh* someday.... :)

As of late, in late November...

-I now work closer to the temple, which is a blessing, because it's easier to keep my goal of attending the temple once a week.
-Yep, I said, "work"... and how many people do you know get these:

on their first day on the job? It was such a nice surprise! I love flowers!! Especially Gerbers, they remind me of my best friend, StephyPooh.
-So I like this new job. So far, it's really nice and chill.  I enjoy my coworkers.  It's only temporary until I hear back from the county.
-I had a work meeting with "Mulligan" yesterday. Oh man, Mulligan.... He has such GORGEOUS blue eyes!! I couldn't stop looking at them! And his smile is adorably cute!! My friend PF's been giving me the 411 on him and says he's a pretty genuine guy. Oh yeah! I just remembered, I talked to Mulligan on the phone today! I was calling for his assistant, but he answered.  
Me: Hi "Mulligan", it's Ehulani, is Terry available?
Him: Hi! No she's not, she's out today.
Me: Oh..ok.
Him: Yeah, she's normally off on Fridays & Saturdays
(silence.....thinking he'd realize what day it was.)
Me: Um.....today's not Friday, nor Saturday....soooooo will you be expecting her later today?
Him: (starts chuckling) Today's not Friday, is it? Dang Thanksgiving is just messing me up today!
Me: (also chuckling) Nope, it's not, but it's messing me up also. 
I'm just so glad it wasn't me that messed up during the phone call.  I would have been totally mortified! 
-I've made it a goal to attend the temple, at least once a week.  So far, so good.  I love it! I feel a difference.  I've also loved reading the General Conference issue of the Ensign.  The talks mean so much more to me, now that I've had the time to study them.  
-Tomorrow's Thursday AND Thanksgiving! This is awesome!! My two favorite days in ONE! 
-I was texting with Mr. Red, today. I've missed him.  We haven't seen each other lately.  I miss people when I don't see them in real life.  He's one of those people.  His birthday was a couple weeks ago, this is what I gave him:

Cool right?! I mean, how awesome is it to have your very own bowling ball with your name already engraved in it?! Ok...random find though. My nephew, Sim, and I were 'thrifting' one day, and Sim randomly came across it!! So it was EVEN cooler that we RANDOMLY found this at a thrift store, with his unique name already engraved in it! Plus I love the color, it's about the same color as his eyes.  Anyways, I'm glad I'll get to see Mr. Red this Sunday, it's been more than a month since I've last seen him.   :(
-Life is pretty good. I'm glad to be living life a little more than I haven't been.
-I love this place! I can't get enough of it!:

....and maybe I'm jumping the gun and cursing myself, but I think I might enjoy Christmas this year. I was listening to Christmas music as I drove to work this morning.  Quite a shocker, since I hate Christmas and don't like listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Oh man... we shall see. 

Thanksgiving at the Beach!

I made some of Mama McK's cinnamon rolls for my ward's "Thanksgiving at the Beach" party, today.   I was pleased with them! Oh, I love Mama McK so much!! I think I feel a 'Gratitude List' post comin'....
Invited Berkeley and got to spend the day with him....

...at my ward party and then at the temple, waiting for his mom. So much fun!! I love Berkeley! 
While waiting for her, I took some pictures. These were my favorites! Oh I love the temple so much!

I had a wonderful time in the temple this evening. Came across ol' friends from my ol' temple shift. It was like a beautiful blessing from the Lord...a treat to come across kind, familiar faces. I love when He blesses me with those tender mercies.  
Today was one of those days that makes me TRULY love living in San Diego, having the friends I have and just being ALIVE!  Awesome, awesome day!! 

Friends, Work & Stuff.....

-Wow, what a cool, wonderful week....makes me feel a lil randi.....
-I can't believe it's Friday and I start work on Monday.  I'm stoked...and a lil nervous. But more stoked than nervous.  I'm especially giddy about my 2nd day at work! :) More on that later....
-I can't get enough of this blog. It makes me look forward to motherhood with anticipation and enthusiasm. She's so positive and uplifting about life, family and everything in between. LOVE IT!
-I got to hang with my ol' CV5 (ward) friends this week.  I truly love them and am grateful for their friendship.  They mean so much to me.
-Oh how I love cardigans!! I wish I had one in EVERY shade & color! Or at least dark purple and mustard yellow, to start off with....
-Tomorrow is my new ward's "Thanksgiving at the beach" in La Jolla. I'm kinda excited about it.  I'm thankful Berkeley said he'd go with me. It's nice to have a friend at this functions.  
-My sister comes home on Sunday. I'm glad. I love my sister and couldn't be more grateful to have her in my life.  (sidenote: she's actually my sister-in-law...well, to be technically correct, she's my ex-sister-in-law, but to me, she'll always be my sister). My hat goes off to her and all mothers, especially single parents. Parenting is a hard enough task, so to do it alone, that is quite a feat. She's blessed with children who love and appreciate her.  
-Hmmm.... I think that's all I have on my mind right now. Can I just say how STOKED I am for Monday! Wow, it'll be here before I know it! I'm so excited, I want to go put my outfit together! Geez, I sound like it's my first day of school or something.... anyways... Happy Weekend! :)

Gratitude List: Ras.

This is my friend, Ras. He'll be leaving in a week & a half for Brasil, for the next two years.  I feel like he just received his mission call, back in June and now November's already here and he's leaving.  I feel so sad... yet another friend who's leaving for a mission.
Ras & I were texting back and forth tonight.  Maybe it was because of the emotional part of the movie I was watching or because it's starting to hit me that he's leaving in 11 days, but I sent him a really heartfelt text. I expressed my deep appreciation of him and his friendship.  He responded with a similar text and I started to cry.  I'm really going to miss my friend. He's done a lot for me, these last several months. I use to just regard him as another guy in my YSA ward and my nephew's friend.  But then I got to know him, and there's a lot more than meets the eye.
He thinks of others before himself.  He helps out in any and every way possible.  He's dependable and loyal.  While I was Relief Society president, he was ALWAYS extremely helpful.  Ras has a heart of gold, one of the kindest and caring guys I could have in my life.  The night I tanked in singing at stake conference, he lifted my spirits and reassured me.  When I was upset over a nephew's engagement announcement on Facebook, he empathized with me.  We've had some serious chats and some light hearted ones too, but he's always the same Ras, to me.
I know others would be shocked to think that he's anything but the cynical, apathetic & callous person he comes off as.  There's SO much more to him.  I count my lucky stars (or at least the pretty silver one he gave me for my birthday) to be his friend.  I'm going to miss him, a lot.