It's not often that I feel regret. However, I've been feeling it a lot in the last few days.
I wish I could take back something I said. Something that was told to me in confidence, I ended up sharing with my own confidante. But it wasn't mine to share and I shouldn't have. I KNOW I shouldn't have. When my friend asked me about it this past weekend, I tried to lie and say that I didn't tell anyone. But I did. And immediately I confessed that I betrayed his trust and had lied about it just seconds before. I broke two of my own cardinal rules--I betrayed trust and was dishonest. Hypocrisy, dishonesty and regret are amongst the worst feelings in the world.
I felt lower than dirt. I still feel lower than dirt.
Although I apologized profusely to this friend, I still don't believe that he forgives me. I feel like things are different in our friendship. I'm pretty sure they are. Trust is not something given, it's something earned. I hope one day this friend forgives me and allows me to earn his trust back. Until then, my heart hurts...
