Music in my heart.

Tonight, I somehow stumbled across this video and it's one of my most favorite Tongan hymns.  

It makes me think back to Sunday afternoons I use to spend with my parents, in my childhood home.  I would practice church hymns on my yellow piano, and my Mom would sing along.  Since she's a natural Alto, I would sing Soprano and then we'd switch so I could learn the Alto parts.  Occasionally. my Dad would join us and hum along to the Bass part.  My Dad had such a beautiful Bass voice and I miss hearing him sing, in church.  When my Dad would join my Mom and I, we'd switch over to singing Tongan hymns.  I was always grateful that he would join us and teach me about some of his favorite Tongan hymns.  

Tonight, as I was singing along to video above, my heart and mind found its way back to those cherished Sunday afternoons that we spent together.  I miss Sundays like those.

A July Quickie....

*Oh I love me some wedding blogs: http://ohdarlingwedding.blogspot.com/

*My Meniere's has been kicking my arse more than ever.  Seriously, it sucks.  My head feels like it's in a constant tailspin. I feel like I have to be constantly moving, to fight against the Vertigo that sets in.  I'm sure to those around me, it looks like I can't sit still.  If I try to sit still I feel like I'm gonna fall out of my seat.  Stupid Meniere's Disease!

*My nephew Bub has been here for the last week and it's been so wonderful having him around.  I've become so accustomed to him not living here, which is a good thing because I tend to hold on too tightly to my nephews & niece.  What can I say, I love them so much!  Bub leaves for his TWO YEAR mission in about a month.  Man, I'm not ready to not having him a phone call away.  

*My niece returned back to school this week.  Time flies by so quickly!  I like when kids are out for the summer because I feel like they're able to just be kids and carefree.  Sometimes I think the world asks them to grow up too quickly.  

*My calling at church has been getting better.  I'm the Family Home Evening Committee Chair (I think that's a stupid name since I'm obviously not the "Chairman".....can't I just be the "FHE Prez" or the "FHE Mama"?) and I've finally added to my committee.  I finally got smart and added some friends to the committee, which makes a difference.  Sometimes the call feels a lil daunting since I still don't know the ward as much as I'd like to.  I just want everyone to come out to FHE and have a great time.  

*I don't know if much has improved since laaaaaaast Saturday.  Sometimes, I want to go out of my way to help my Dad with a particular task, but then I don't want to become a doormat later.  I was talking with my Mom today, but I made sure not to say too much.  I've always wished I had the type of Mother/Daughter relationship that I could openly talk and share my thoughts & feelings with.  Sadly, I don't and I need to be on guard of the things I share with my parents because it'd be like giving them ammo for later.  When I was dating & later broke it off with Morgan, I thought I could share lil things with my Mom....you know, how most Mom & daughters talk.  It didn't matter because she ended up using it against me in an argument.  I've learned a lot from my parents, both good and bad.  My heart will forever long to have a ideal relationship with my parents. I don't think this will ever happen. If ever I'm blessed with the opportunity to be a parent, I hope my kids will trust me enough to talk and share their lives with me.  I hope they'll know how much I'll love them, by word and deed.  

*I started to talk to Logan again, thinking we could try to be friends....  He's TOO hung up on the fact that I'm Mormon.  He continually compares me to the Mormons he knew up in Utah.  It's like I have to prove to him that I'm not like that, nor am I your typical Mormon.  He thinks I know nothing about the Catholic religion, that ALL my time is spent on church stuff, that ALL my friends are Mormons and basically I have no life outside of church.  I just couldn't do it anymore. I hate when I have to prove myself on anything, it means that someone's not believing me....as if I'm lying.  Grrr!!  So yet again, I've said good bye to Logan. This time it's for good.  GRRR MEN!

*Oh speaking of which... I didn't go to Pride.  My Meniere's was a huge factor in it.  I just couldn't handle the dizzy head and didn't want the lack of sleep and extreme sun to add to it.  I'm kinda bummed, but there's always next year.  

Deciding on a ward.

Since I choose not to watch General Conference, I miss out on my very favorite part [of church]---the music.

I have a great love for the music of my church. I especially love any chance I get to listen to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I think they are a choir of angels.  I always think about how glorious Heaven will sound with generations of Mo.Tab. singing together.  Oh I love it!
During Conference weekend, my sister said that the choir's singing of, "Come Thou Fount" made her think of me....which made me think of my (home) stake choir.  I sure do love singing with the Chula Vista choir.  Some of my favorite people are found there.  Well, I went to LDS.org and checked out all of the April 2012 General Conference music.  My thoughts were turned again to my home stake and ward.  I'm so blessed to have dear friends in all of the wards. I love visiting each ward and seeing a cherished friend.....yes, even the Spanish wards. 
Since October, my membership has been in the PB Singles Ward in the San Diego North Stake....but my heart is still in the CV Stake.  As I was listening to the musical pieces, my home ward came to mind.  I feel torn in two.  Part of me wants to go to the PB ward because I like being amongst people who are also in the same place in life and it's soooooooooooooo quiet there during Sacrament meeting services. Heaven knows how much I LOVE that.  But the other part of me wants to attend my family ward.  It's A LOT closer to home (5 miles vs. 20 miles [one way]) which makes it a lot easier to be active, on more than just Sundays.  I have a lot to offer a ward, but I feel restraint when I live so far from it.  For the past two Sundays, I've attended my family ward and just feel the desire to have a calling there.  The ward needs help, no one likes to hold callings there and its always the same people doing it.  I miss the Young Women during Volleyball's off season, I love them so!  My Patriarchal Blessing specifically mentions accepting calls of service in Primary, because I "value and appreciate the children with your warm and loving heart."  It's true, I do love the Primary children and also their songs.  I want to be part of Relief Society again. I love to be amongst the sisters, I learn so much from their lives. 
Sometimes I feel like I'm forcing myself to attend the PB Ward, but I like the friends I've made there.  I feel like my heart is back in the CV Stake, but I don't know what to do.  Move back to Otay Mesa Ward, but attend all of the PB Ward activities?  UGH............so tough.  Moving back there will mean less chances to meet a single guy at church....well, not like I'm having much luck in that anyways. 
Guess this is something I'm going to need to ponder and pray about.

O My Soul Hungered...

“…For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children.”
“Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.” 2Nephi 4:15-16 [The Book of Mormon]

These two verses really made an impression on me today. I can’t wait til I’m at the level of thoroughly delighting in the scriptures (especially the Isaiah parts) and pondering the things of God continually. I wonder if that’s what it’s like being an Apostle? Not like I’m technically aspiring to become one, but it must be so magnificent being at such a tremendous spiritual level.