Punk'd.

Hmmm.....
Today's Monday and I'm not working today---FREAKIN' LOVE IT!!!

What a crazy Sunday I had yesterday.

I went to my ol' YSA (Young Single Adult) ward yesterday. The lesson for the 3rd hour/5th Sunday meeting was on "Dating". It was interesting hearing what some people had to say.

Last night I went to the Singles Conference Fireside with a friend. Oh man, I felt DEPRESSED after the opening musical number. It was a song called "One Single Heart". Seriously, it was depressing!! As the fireside went on, it grew more depressing. I started to think to myself how I NEVER want to go to another of those firesides EVER AGAIN!!! And I WON'T!!!! Forget it!! My friend and I took off 48 minutes after it started! NEVER AGAIN!!

I called up my best friend and she invited me over to her place. We hung out for a while til we went on a 'carne asada' run. After going out around 11pm, came back and ate. That's when I received a certain text message....

...a dang text message that I've been wanting for the last 5 years!!!!! AND IT FINALLY CAME LAST NIGHT!!!!

But I couldn't do anything about it. Seriously, it bummed me out!! I was at my best friend's place and I couldn't just ditch her at midnight over this text message. Oh trust me, I wanted to OH.SO.FREAKIN'.BADLY!!!!!!!

So I called my friend, told him that I couldn't do what he wanted....and went to bed.

I think I got punk'd by God last night. There must have been some heavenly intervention last night to make the timing of that text and the timing of me NOT being able to do anything about it. UGH!!!

Oh well.... today's a holiday and I'm off to the beach. Happy Memorial Day.

Good Friday.

I like good days...

Like finding great parking at work.

Especially when it's Pay day!

Or when curly hair is just PERFECT!

Or when Mr.NY finally comes back to work!

Or when there's a new bike messenger at work who's TOTALLY HOT!!

Or when I've scored 6 tickets to a Padres game tonight!

Yep, today's DEFINITELY a GOOD day!!

Just scored Padres tickets!! = Happy Thursday!!

It's not often when I wish I had a boyfriend or more friends that were into baseball.

I just scored 6 tickets from a coworker for tomorrow night's Padres vs. Washington Nationals game! 6 free tickets to a Padres game--HAPPY THURSDAY TO ME!!

At first when I was offered the tickets, I only asked to have 2 since I wasn't sure who I would even ask. Then everyone else said, "Just take all 6 tickets!"....so I did.

I asked my best friend, but her and her hubby already have plans. Dang it!

I'd ask Mr.NY but he's out of town. Damnit!

I'd want to ask my family, but my nephew Bub isn't in town and I don't know if my other nephew's into baseball. Plus my niece is a lil young to enjoy the game....I don't plan on going back and forth to the restroom. Sorry.

I sorta asked Lee, but he's not really a baseball fan. Sheesh!

I'd ask some of my other friends, but some of them don't like or know anything about baseball---FORGET IT!! I did that once, oh geez...it nearly killed me having to explain EVERYTHING.

When I go to a Padres game, I actually WATCH the game. I'm not there to take a million pictures for Facebook or MySpace.

Ugh....I need 5 people to go by tomorrow.

Ehu ≠ Cool, Calm & Collective.

Sometimes I wish I were more "cool, calm and collective"....especially today.

UGH!! GRR EHU!!!

Lee came by the office today. I couldn't even concentrate on my work or the phone calls I was on. He was standing right behind me for about 10 minutes. I was just PRAYING that the phone call I was on would last FOREVER (it didn't!). I couldn't even bring myself to turn around and look at him. It was like one of the moments when I wish the earth would open up and just swallow me whole!!! It didn't help that Mamacita mentioned in front of several coworkers, quite loudly, when he walked in, "Hey Ehu, your dream lover's here!" [I had a dream about Lee a couple months ago, which started this whole "test drive" situation]. I got so flustered I couldn't even form a sentence. He looked so DELICIOUS I just didn't know what to say or do. I just wanted to run out of the office!! I tried to, but everyone made it so obvious!

Ugh....grrr!!

Now I see why people should NEVER get involved with co-workers. It leads to TROUBLE and AWKWARDNESS!!!

Darn it and I think I like Lee.

Am I asking too much??

Once, I broke up with an ex because he didn't have 3 things:

• A career
• A car
• A place of his own.

He wanted to get married and I felt like he needed to have those things before we could start a family. He had a degree in 'International Business' but was working as a retail associate. I had to drive us everywhere and he was renting a room from a landlady. Was I asking too much for him to aspire higher than a minimum wage job when he holds a Baccalaureate in business??

Well I'm talking to this new guy [don't have a nickname for him yet, since I don't know if he'll be a permanent fixture in my life] and he doesn't have any of those 3. I mean, I can compromise on the "place of his own" because of the current economy. As for the other 2--that I cannot and will not budge on. I want to be in the passenger seat, not the one picking the guy up. I want to be "wined & dined" and not "going dutch" all the time. I don't think I'm asking for too much. I'm about to turn 30, and most of the men I choose to date should have at LEAST 2 of the three things mentioned. I can understand if he's in a graduate program to further his career.

I don't think I'm asking too much because if a guy wants to get serious, I want to know that our future family will be taken care of. I'll work until we have kids, but I want to stay home and raise our family. I don't want to put in a full day at the office only to come home to my kids who were in day-care all day learning who know's what?! Nor do I want to live paycheck to paycheck, forever dreaming of going on vacation or going out to dinner. HELL FREAKIN NO do I want to live that way. I wasn't raised like that, maybe I was spoiled, but my Dad provided well for our family.

Can you blame me for wanting those 3 things?

Well, if you do....I could care less.

Happy 30th Pac-Man!!

Oh Google, I love you today!!

tempestuous thursday.

Man, today hasn't been the greatest day. It's been pretty "sucky" to say the least. Plus, it's Thursday-I should be happy.

I took a walk uptown to get my lunch and I felt carefree. I started to think of what does make me happy, lucky and blessed.

I'm happy to have a date next week.

I'm lucky to have such wonderful family & friends.

I'm blessed to have the best nephews, niece and sister-in-law.

I can't let stupid things or people or situations get me down--they're not worth my happiness and peace of mind.

Anywhoo....

I was on a friend's blog and I was looking through her Summer to-do list. I want a Summer to-do list too! I think I'll think it over today and post one tomorrow. Man I'm stoked for summer!

Subway Club.

Things I don't like:

• Wearing pink
• Peanut Butter
• Processed Coconut
• Pineapples on my pizza

And today, I've got major smiles...pretty much a perma grin :)

There's this guy that use to attend my ol' YSA ward. I never really took the time to get to know him because I just thought we were too different. We didn't really run in the same circles, so I know of him-but I don't know him personally. I commented on one of his MySpace photos regarding his tattoos. Then he emailed back and so forth.... So now he wants to hang out and get to know each other.

Whooooooooooa!! I haven't done this for a while. I mean, the last guy I dated, we already knew each other so that was nothing new. But man, first hang-outs/dates always feel like [job] interviews. I'm nervous but stoked....so we'll see. Ok, maybe I'm more nervous than stoked. Alright, I'm definitely more nervous than stoked.... Ugh, I think I'm just nervous so just forget the stoked part.

Anywhoo.... work is swell today. Courts are closed, got a free lunch due to a lunch meeting that I didn't even have to attend, I'm done with all my work and now I'm listening to John Mayer as I watch Iron Man with Mamacita's lil boy. Wow, and to think I'm getting paid to do this. LOVE IT!

Two for Tuesday.

As I was having lunch at my desk a few minutes ago, my co-worker Mamacita nudged me, pointed at the office door and said, "There's your boyfriend!" We normally joke around like that when it's someone really old...or just really not our 'cup of tea'. I didn't look up quickly because I thought it was some random old guy. When I finally did...OH MAMA!! HE WAS HOT!! For once she wasn't kidding! He was exactly my type--tall, Caucasian, blonde, full/built & pretty sporty. We couldn't help but just stare (Mamacita doesn't really go for Caucasian guys) because his arms were just so deliciously big! And his chest was quite built! Definitely a sight for sore eyes!

We started to daydream of what it'd be like to hug him. A nice, cuddly guy hug! Oh how wonderful that would be. Then I mentioned how nice it would be to rest your head on his chest....probably heavenly! We gushed about how lovely his upper torso was and how great it would be to have a guy like that. I started to feel a TINY bit guilty for thinking of things like that. If it was a guy going on and on about a woman's chest-that would be bad. So wasn't it bad that I was doing the same thing? (But really--he was hot!!).

Oh I don't know?? But I really would love to date a guy with that same stature! There's something that feels safe and secure about a big guy.

Oh well....one can only hope & daydream for now, right? ♥

Sunday.

Feeling a lil randi...

-I like the way my blog looks now. FINALLY.

-I'm glad Summer's right around the corner...and I'm UBER GLAD I lost weight since winter!! My cute board shorts that I bought 2 years ago will look GREAT! (cause they're super loose).

-I can't wait to go to the beach! I can't wait to hang with my family and close friends! I can't wait to take in the smells and delicious eats that come with going to the beach!! SO MUCH FUN!

-I'm tired of being single. I look at my friends with their families and get a lil envious. Maybe not the family part yet, because I'm around that all the time at home....but it's the part of having someone there. Someone to laugh with, someone to talk with...just someone. I miss having that in my life. I can see why God wanted Adam to have a mate, who would want to be alone? As I've been reading a friend of a friend's blog, I can't help but want what she has. No I'm not saying I'm gonna go 'SWF' on her or something....but just the way her and her husband mesh so perfectly well with each other. I notice that with other friends and their spouses. It makes me wonder if I'll ever find that one person I mesh perfectly well with. I know what my strengths and weakness are, what my pros/cons are as well... I'm not perfect, but I hope that Heavenly Father blesses me with someone that will still love me after I get worked up about the lil things and happy about the lamest things. I can only hope that 'the appropriate time' will come sooner than later. Maybe A LOT sooner than later...please Heavenly Father :)

-Today in Relief Society I sat across from Morgan's mom and sister. I wasn't paying much attention to the lesson because I just kept wondering what happened between Morgan and I. After his last email to me on Facebook which ended with, "Thank you for your time.", he de-friended me. Really? Who does that?? Oh well, we'll see what's up...

-I love living in San Diego. I truly do. I would never want to live anywhere else but here. I love the weather. I love the diversity. I love the location of everything being so close. I love the beach. I love just about everything about it. I feel so blessed to live here. I love it.

-I love Sunday naps...well hell, I love naps in general.

-I think I say "Hell" a lot. I think some people would be disturbed by that. Eh, I don't care.

-I'll be turning 30 in 4 months. 30, really??? Oh man, I'm not really looking forward to that. I like odd number birthdays anyways. I'm THANKFUL that my BFF Bugs and I will be spending our birthday weekend at:

...and I CANNOT WAIT!!! OH HOW I LOVE THE HOTEL DEL CORONADO!! It'll be a total girl fest! Chick flicks....Room service....shopping (not a whole lot because the Hotel Del is pretty pricey---so I guess I mean, "window shopping")...and my favorite: SPA TIME!!!! Massages & Pedis!! I CANNOT WAIT!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!!!

Better.

As the week went on, life got better. Of course the Meniere's didn't magically go away...but having a better nights' rest and praying DEFINITELY helped. I apologize for the 'mortality' scare my blog had last week. I didn't mean to scare anyone, I was just being honest with what life was feeling like for me.

I was released as the ward organist and Relief Society pianist today. I feel relieved. I'm so glad I'll be able to come to church and get to SING! I'll miss those callings, but I just need a break....for now. Nothing's wrong with that, even if certain people don't think you should EVER ask for a release. Screw that!

Anywhoo...today's Sunday. I slept a lot yesterday. I'd be worried about sleeping this much, but I did down 2 Midols and a nap was the only thing to relieve the dang cramps. Oh sometimes it's NOT fun being a woman. Do men ever have to go through junk like that? Oh I wish they did sometimes.

Alrighty, that's it......See ya!

"Hang in there"

Yesterday I hung out with one of my closest guy friends, PajamaPants. I love him dearly, he's one of my best friends. I'm grateful for friends that I can be extremely brutally honest with. I appreciate relationships like that, full of trust. I'm very glad I spent the evening with him because I felt calmer, happier, hopeful....more of my old self. It was good :) Thank you PJ.

Last night, I emailed my cousin who's a Psychologist/Therapist and asked if I could talk with her. Whatever this 'funk' is that I'm going through, I want it gone. Ending one's life is not the answer. It's a very selfish choice, I know. My cousin emailed me back this morning and at the end of her email she said, "Hang in there"....and I think that's what I've gotta do. Those are very hopeful words. I've been thinking a lot about what "hope" is. I can't be 100% optimistic, but I can be hopeful. I can hope that I'll be able to cope with this Meniere's. I can hope that life will turn up. I can hope to hang in there....and I think that's pretty good.

Hollow.

Sometimes I feel like a shell of a person I use to know before. I feel hollow and just going through the motions of life. I hate where my life has ended up, right now. For lack of a better word, I feel "bland". I never thought of myself as a bland person. This is a funk that I can't just shake off as easily as I'd like. Is this Depression? Hell if I know...but I hate it. This whole Meniere's crap has really taken a toll on me and my life. Somedays I dont want to get out of bed, but I have to...bills don't get paid on their own. Honestly, I just don't care about life anymore. I'm just done. This type of mentality sucks, but that's how I honestly feel.

Life & Reality

What's on my mind....

Last night was hard. This Meniere's is really kicking my trash. I went home and went straight to bed. Of course the 3.5 hours of sleep from the night before also aided me in that decision, but I just wanted to be in bed and listen to my iPod. I tried to fall asleep but I couldn't stay asleep. Then I hit my breaking point. Crying uncontrollably, so miserable from this constant noise in my left ear. I just wanted my head to explode--no really, I wouldn't have minded at all. The pressure of crying so hard, the pressure of a 'tired' migraine, the pressure of just trying to LIVE with this Meniere's CRAP...... I just broke!! I'm so blessed to have a sister as awesome as mine. I went to her room, sobbing, and she just listened to me. I was VERY brutally honest in what I had to say and what was going through my mind. It was a lot of life + reality. I felt better, a lil relieved to have someone know how I honestly feel about my life with Meniere's.

I'm just glad that today's Thursday....my nephew Bubba's flying in for the weekend and on Sunday we get to talk to my missionary nephew, Elder Lomu!! I'm so stoked!

Whoa is me Wednesday.

Today was a definite "CALGON TAKE ME AWAY"day!!!!!!

My docking station at work for my iPod DIED.... I don't know what happened to it, but it wouldn't work. So AAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY it was annoyingly QUIET!!!!!!! I can't function without music.

Without the background music, AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL DDDDDDAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I could hear my left ear "whooshing"....LOUDLY!!!!

I would really like to rip my ear drum out.... I could care less if I could hear out of my left ear anymore. I'm so sick and tired of the damn "whooshing" in my left ear...as well as the ringing in my right ear. I hate the way this Meniere's Disease is taking over my life.

The 5.3.10 Blog

Saturday I got out of bed around noon....drove to Pizza Hut to pick up breakfast (while in my PJ's), came home & ate a slice. Then took a nap.... Saturday was pretty uneventful. Although I did hang out with my niece which ended up being very fun!! Etch-a-Sketch wars are pretty great!

Sunday I got out of bed and went to church. Honestly didn't want to be there. I wasn't feeling well. My body hurt and just sitting was uncomfortable. Ended up spending the afternoon with Bugs, watching "Return to Me" & "27 Dresses". It was nice and I even started on my mission scrapbook. I'm scared....I've got a whole tote bag as well as 2 photo albums full of photos to deal with. This just might take 18 months to do!

Today I got out of bed and read the newspaper. It was nice to just relax instead of RUSHING out the door to greet the work week. I think I might just do that from now on....