From my journal....
May 16, 2011 - 2AM Monday Morning
I was called into the Bishop's office yesterday. It was a very humbling experience. He extended the call of Relief Society President to me. I felt very small and humbled, as well as unworthy & inadequate. I told the Bishop that I wanted to pray about it to get my own confirmation. I can't believe it. I am grateful for this opportunity to be an instrument in the Lord's hands, to be in the service of others & to be more charitable. I hope to do my very best.
-ESL
Yesterday I was released as my ward's Relief Society president. Man, I didn't think I'd be as emotional as I was. My heart was joyful for Joz, because I know that she will be an excellent president. I know this because she's been an AMAZING first counselor. When I was released, I felt empty, like the mantle was taken off of me...much like being released as a full-time missionary for the church. To describe it, it's like a sigh of relief, but an immediate rush of sadness and longing for the right & responsibility again. After I was released, the water works wouldn't stop flowing. Seriously, it was terrible AND I was playing organ too, so I was on the stand. AYE!! I couldn't find my tissue anywhere and I tried to wipe my face on the inside of my sweater during the Sacrament prayers (gross, I know...). Luckily, my friend (and chorister) went up to bear her testimony and brought back some tissue for me. And then Fast & Testimony meeting turned into an 'Ehu Tribute' time. I was wholeheartedly touched...but I felt a lil bad for any visitors and those desiring a gospel uplift. I decided that I should bear my testimony, because my heart was so full of appreciation for the Atonement (and the tissue box by the pulpit was a lot closer than walking up the chapel aisle and to the restroom). I am thankful for the Atonement. I wouldn't have been allowed the experience of serving as the Relief Society president if I didn't fully partake of the blessings of the Atonement.
I have never put so much of my heart and soul into a calling. I loved and enjoyed this calling far more than my mission and serving as a temple ordinance worker. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED those callings too! The words of my mission call come to mind, "Greater blessings and more happiness than you have yet experienced await you as you humbly and prayerfully serve the Lord in this labor of love among His children". That doesn't just apply to a mission call, I think that applies to all callings, when those calls of service are greatly pursued.
I NEEDED this calling and didn't even know it. A week before I was called, I was driving home thinking, "I need to do more service for others. I haven't been and I feel like my heart is black." Then it happened... In fact, I was going to leave church early that day due to not feeling well that weekend, but surprisingly all signs of illness disappeared during Sacrament meeting. When the call was extended, my immediate concern that I expressed to the Bishop was, "How am I going to love ALL the sisters?". Then I remembered something I learned on my mission, "Serve them til you love them and then you'll love to serve them". It's true!! I tried it!! I LOVED serving my fellow Relief Society sisters, with all of my heart, I LOVED IT!!
It felt like the more I served and loved others, Heavenly Father quadrupled that and gave it back to me in the form of love, from so many. I have never felt so much love in my entire life than I did during these last several months. My heart could burst from all the love that so many gave me in return, or just gave me-period! The windows of heaven were surely open to me and I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows each of us. I will forever be thankful for the time I had to serve my fellow sisters. I have a greater love for each them. Several of them have become dear close friends, friendships that I will forever cherish. I hope Heavenly Father knows how grateful I am for everything, most especially this last chapter of my life. My cup runneth over.... ♥ ♥ ♥
