Sunday, January 27, 2013

Brothers.

For the last week, the thought of my brothers have weighed heavy on my mind. I have two older brothers; Dave is 17 years my senior, and then there's Wayne, who is 11 years older.  Growing up, I was closer to Wayne because he was a lil closer in age, and our birthdays are a day apart.  He always made me laugh and was just fun to be around.  Eventually, my relationship with Dave grew and he became like second Dad to me.  I was very grateful for the overprotective natures of my older brothers.
When I was 16, Wayne moved out and then got married.  It wasn't the most agreeable situation of which the marriage took place, but I tried to support my brother. Eventually, our relationship changed and we grew very distant. About 3.5 years ago, my relationship with my oldest brother changed extremely. Because of that, it also affected my relationship with Wayne.  Now, my brothers and I are estranged from each other. We don't necessarily agree with each others' lives and choices.
This past week, I dreamt that my sister was getting remarried and my brothers were there at her reception.  I saw my brother Wayne and wanted to talk with him. I approached him and tried to talk to him, but he kept backing away. He pulled out nunchucks and wanted to use them on me. I just wanted to talk to him, and try to reconnect. Unfortunately, we didn't get to talk and I woke up. Two nights ago, I had a dream that my brother Dave and I were in a kitchen, sitting down at the table. I tried to reach out to him, so we could talk, but he pulled away. I wanted to talk because I wasn't happy with what our relationship had turned into. He didn't want to talk, and he wasn't the same brother I had known--which felt very similar to real life.  Again, I tried to talk with him but he didn't budge.
I miss my brothers. I miss who they were. They're foreign to me now.  Our lives are unknown to each other.  I don't know if and when I'll talk to them again. I think there's too much hurt and pride in the way for us to communicate with each other.  It's unfortunate.  Perhaps Dave is hurt that I decided to stick by my sister [ex sister-in-law] after he made certain choices.  I've told my Mom that I miss my brothers, because I know she still has a relationship with them.  However, I don't know if that'll really make a difference between my brothers us I.  I'm thankful for the good memories I had of my brothers.  Those are the stories I'll share with my children, someday.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are such a cutie. I love that picture.
I am estranged from my eldest brother who is 17 years older than me. His lifestyle and lack of maturity create a lot of tension. He is alot like his dad and it bugs me and if I tell him he is like Mr. eldred he gets hurt.
There was a talk in conference not too long about relationships and I think of it sometimes as I too try to make my relationship with my older brother better. Hang in there.

Wayhalan said...

I love you Ehu...Your brother Wayhalan.

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