I've mentioned Mama McK on my blog before. She's 1/2 of the AMAZING missionary couple currently serving in our YSA ward and Institute of Religion. She also happens to be the Mom of 2 old friends that use to attend our YSA ward. Small world, eh? She's become a wonderful friend, dear confidante and basically a second Mom. I love her her dearly.
Tuesdays are usually my long days at Institute. I like to attend the New Testament class, help out with the Lunch forum, attend Mama McK's Book of Mormon class then hang out for an hour before my vocal class. During my hour break, I will always be found talking with Mama McK. I enjoy her light heartedness and motherly wisdom, it has been a blessing in my life these last several months. We have the discussions that would occur between a mother and a daughter. We talk about life, school, church, dating, friends, marriage, missions...all sorts of life topics. I wish I could spend all of my Tuesdays like that.
Last night as we were talking, we got on the subject of school [BYU-Hawaii] and marriage. She knows of the goals/dreams I have for my life. I want to graduate from BYU-Hawaii and I want to be married in the LDS temple. Right now, I need to focus on one or the other, but I can't really do both. I'm sure I could, but I'm afraid if I got married then I would become a Mom soon after and school would be put on the back burner--for a very long time. I want both a college education and marriage. As I look at my friends who are my age, with their husbands AND children, I feel my biological clock ticking away. I feel a tinge of envy when I see their happiness and their full lives. I'm not saying that I'm not happy or don't lead a full life. It's like a kid watching his friends running, jumping and hanging off monkey bars....while I feel like I'm in a stroller, watching from the sidelines. Sure the "kids" come over and allow me to be a part of their fun, but then I end up back on the sidelines, looking in. I want to be in on that fun-permanently.
However, I can't have it both ways right now in life. I need to focus on one or the other. I've thought about this a lot since last night....and over the last several weeks. I've come to the conclusion that I need to make school my highest priority for my life. I will focus all of my time and attention into that. It's something I've wanted for a very long time, something I feel incomplete without. I want to attend BYU-Hawaii so badly, I want to work at the Polynesian Cultural Center and come to appreciate my Polynesian culture. Not only do I feel an educational void, but also a cultural one as well. I know I will regret not doing everything in my power to finish my college education, especially at BYU-Hawaii. I feel like Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger. Attending BYU-Hawaii has been my lifelong dream since I was a kid. I know I may talk about it a lot here on my blog, but I hope you understand how much it means to me. Even as I type this I'm reminded of my great desire as I look down at my shirt, which happens to be an 'old' BYU-Hawaii shirt....it's actually a "Church College of Hawaii" shirt that my ex gave to my Dad. I swiped it from my Dad and figured I'd keep it as a reminder of my goal--thanks Dad. :)
BYU-H/Church College of Hawaii means a lot to me because of the ties my family has had to it. My maternal grandparents use to be 'dorm parents' back in the day, when it was called "CCH". I believe my Mom attended it for a bit and has an old CCH pin that I've always dreamt of wearing when I graduate from there. My dad, while on his Labor mission for the church, helped build the Polynesian Culture Center. My parents have many fond memories from there and I always hoped of having my own cherished memories from there as well.
Soon enough Ehu, soon enough.....
