Stood Up.

So I THOUGHT today was gonna be a good day....

...and then I got stood up for my date with Berkeley, tonight.

Yeah, didn't think that was going to happen since he was the one complaining last Friday night about being stood up for his date that night.  

WOW. 

I'd be more mad or pissed, but honestly, I stopped getting my hopes up about dates and whatnot.  

Besides, I've been trying to be 'less invested' with certain friendships and relationships.

Tonight's events don't really make me want to try to ask Oeste out again.  

Really, do I want to be shot down again? 

A heart can only handle so much.  

This

is

why

I

cannot

stand

dating

!!!

All the B.S. games and drama.  

Why can't it just be easy, like;

I like you.

Do you like me?

Ok, let's do something about it.

Done!

Dear God, 

I hope I don't die 

single...

or alone,

or a virgin. 

Amen.

ok, I take that back.... I am pissed. Who can't pick up a damn phone and call....or hell, at least drop a text. 

If I could...

I would elope. 

I would run off to the Laie, Hawaii LDS temple with my fiance and get married. 

Then we'd spend our Honeymoon in Maui--my favorite place on earth.

I wouldn't tell anyone. I think it'd be fun! Go off on a "vacation" with my fiance and just tie the knot.     

I think there's something so romantic about doing that--just the two of you.  At the end of the day, it'll just be you two...why not start it off that way?  

I have mixed feelings about having people at a wedding.  I always feel like the officiator, no matter what religion, speaks more to the wedding guests than to the couple.  I think more intimate and sacred things would be shared, if only the couple was present.   I don't want a big crowd at my actual ceremony.  I think it's a more intimate, private affair.  If I could truly have it my way, I'd want only my fiance and myself there, with the officiator, of course.    

Then once we were back in San Diego, we'd celebrate it BIG!!!! With GREAT FOOD and GOOD MUSIC!!  And all of our family and friends around!! 

Yep, that's how I would do it.

LIVE IT UP!!

I've had this poem on my mind lately.  I feel like I've been existing and not LIVING.  I need to do more LIVING and not just floating through life. Enjoy this poem, it's one of my favorites....

If I Had My Life to Live Over

by Erma Bombeck
If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

The Gift of GIVING.

As I've been attending the Pacific Beach ward, I've come to learn more about Giving.

One of my favorite Sunday school teachers bears testimony about how he gives every time he can.  If he doesn't have anything to give, he feels it in his heart that if he did have something he would give it.  I like his example. I need to be more like that.  And I tried, one day, not too long ago....

I was walking into Vons and tried to look preoccupied so I could avoid the person who was asking for a handout.  I didn't want to turn down another person because I NEVER have cash on me.  I can't stand turning someone down.  I feel terrible.  As I was shopping, I thought I'd get some food from the deli for the person outside.   Once I was outside, he was no where in sight! Nor did I even know what he looked like, exactly--since I didn't look up, while walking in. My fault.  I circled the parking lot--nothing.  I was so disappointed. Why didn't I tell the stranger to just wait for a few minutes til I came back out? Why didn't I acknowledge him?  I went home and ate the food, but it didn't taste good at all, knowing that it was never intended for me.

A woman in my ward was sharing an experience she had recently about taking a friend to the airport.  After she dropped her off, she took a box of Cuties (oranges) and passed them out downtown to homeless people.  In Relief Society, the teacher shared a scripture with us;

"...Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me." -Matt. 25:45

She emphasized the word, "not".  It made me think, what have I NOT done to others? I thought about my Sunday school teacher, I thought about the man at Vons,  and all the other people I see on the side of the road with their cardboard signs.  

Every morning, when I head into the office, I always see a man at the last stoplight before the office.   I always feel bad because I have nothing to give him.  But I made a decision, I would start to grab an extra fruit when I pack my lunch, so I could give him something.  I couldn't help but think of the above scripture.  When I was denying him food, I was denying serving Christ.  I've decided to make a more a conscious effort to be more giving.  

This past weekend, my nephew Sim reminded me of one of his favorite service moments.  It was a time, when I went out with my nephews to pick up pizza for dinner. I forgot about that time, but I'm grateful for his reminder.  We went to Lil' Cesars to pick up pizzas for the family.  However, we headed back in as I asked my nephews if "they wanted to do something cool!"  I remember they all agreed and lit up.  We got another pizza and headed over to where several homeless people communed together.  I remember once we got back to the car, they were happy and a lil more quiet.  My nephew, then a teenager, said that it really affected him, and he often shared that experience on his mission.  I'm glad he reminded me of that incident.  

After shopping this past Saturday, my niece and I grabbed some Lil Cesars pizza, and finished all but 3 slices.  We tried to give it away, but couldn't find anyone.  We were sad.  We even drove around to find people....no luck.  

But I won't let it stop there.  This is my goal for life... and not just a goal for the holiday, or for the year.  I plan on never taking home 'left overs'/doggy bags.  My goal is to give it away to someone less fortunate, so that I can help someone not go to sleep hungry, at least for one night.  It's the least I can do for another.

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

Christmas Eve!

Oh man! Today's Christmas eve.... so much to do and enjoy!

*I'll become the best of friends with scotch tape & wrapping paper. Let's hope I make it out without any cuts!
*I hung out, for the first and last time, with W.Anthony last night.  Now I know why I shouldn't date 25-year-olds...or at least this 25-year-old! Within the first 5 minutes he was demeaning and rude with his teasing.  LAAAAAAAAAME!!! Needless to say, I will NOT be calling him back!

*On a happier note, I'll be going out on a date with Berkeley.  Last night, he called me complaining about the women in his YSA ward flaking out on dates with him.  Berkeley's a really nice guy, intelligent, spiritual, RM, college educated and going back for his Masters in Law, cute, beautiful blue/hazel eyes and lovely smile---quite the catch! My only gripe about Berkeley is that he talks soooooooooooooooooo much!! But he does listen and has a great memory, so at least there's a trade off.  Well, he called me and was majorly bummed. I asked him how he felt about dates and if a woman asked him out on a date, who would pay.  I was kinda joking, thinking he'd know I was teasing, but he seriously said that a man should always pay.  Well, I waited about 2 minutes then said, "Do you have any plans next Friday?"

"No"

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date with me, to Berta's" 

"YES!"

I was shocked by his immediate response! But I seriously thought he would have known that I was slightly joking--I wanted to see if he'd catch me trying to score dinner off of him [I would have paid for my own dinner].  But then he made a comment, which now I know that it's a date.  So here's to Berta's next Friday!!   

*I'll be singing in my ol' YSA ward tomorrow. I'm nervous just because our quartet hasn't practiced together and I don't know if the 2 other girls even know the song.  Ugh......  I hope it doesn't bomb.   I'm just excited to see all my friends!! I miss them so much!!  

*I'm stoked to decorate cookies with my niece tonight.  Or maybe tomorrow, since I'm lagging on wrapping gifts. 

*It's 3:30pm and I haven't eaten anything all day......dang, this is gonna be a looooooooong night! 

Merry Christmas Eve!!

Bub & Oeste

This past weekend, my nephew Bub and his fiancee came into town for a few days.  It was a very nice visit.  I enjoyed having them here and actually miss them, a lot.  We got to eat at one of their favorite places here in San Diego, Bronx Pizza!  For thin crust/NY pizza, it was REALLY DELICIOUS!!!  We tried going there a year ago, but they closed early for a Christmas Eve party and we ended up at the taco shop next door.  :( Major bummer... but it was definitely worth waiting a year for!
I had tons of fun with them and I'm grateful to have spent time with both of them!! It was a great weekend!!  I can't wait to have them back down here again.
On another note... I did talk to Oeste on Monday night.  After FHE, we talked out in the parking lot, in the rain, for 2 hours.  Well, it wasn't exactly raining, but it was sprinkling and we were standing under a tree. It was kinda sweet.  [cheesy & lame, I know]  We talked about a lot of different things.  My feet practically had frostbite, but it was ALL worth it! :) I liked talking with him, he's really funny and he's smart! Such a hot combo! 
Did I ask him?  Well......... yes, I did. Did he say "yes"?  Nope.  Well, he didn't exactly say "no"....but it's because he left for home today and won't be back til the new year, so I won't be able to complete my last December 2011 goal with him [go to the top of the Hyatt].  So that was my 2nd time I tried to ask him out. The first time wasn't exactly direct, so I'll give him a pass... but I don't know if I want to ask again.  He's a REALLY nice guy and his humor always makes me chuckle. I think he's so endearingly cute and he's intelligent!! He speaks Spanish and has a cute lil smile!! TOTAL SWOON WORTHY!! But I don't know.... we'll see, when I see him in 2 weeks.  Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

T-minus 6 days til Christmas!

Man, I hate cramps. A LOT!!! TMI? Hmm....
I wish men would experience cramps. I mean, what's the worst that they go thru? They go bald.  Really, is that the worst that it can get for them? GEEZ!!! Damn cramps.


*My song was....ok.  Those dang G notes are way too dang high.  
*I got talk with Oeste for a while after church. SWOON!! Oh I think he's so endearingly cute!! I MIGHT ask him out tonight. I'm NERVOUS. 
*My dear sweet friend, Britty, just got engaged this weekend! I couldn't be anymore happy for her! Hello June wedding in Utah!
*I love my best friend StephyPooh [now MamaSteph]! Our phone calls are ALWAYS so funny! Like, laugh-til-you-cry funny. She's been the highlight of my day.
*My weekend was SPECTACULAR!! Had the GREATEST time with my nephew Bub & his fiancee!! It was a good "nephew" weekend. I'm so blessed with the BEST nephews anyone could ask for! (and niece too!)
*Did I mention how nervous I am to ask Oeste out?!?  JINKIES!! He's so funny, kind and all around GOOD! We were talking about the word, "ASSUME".  And I told him the break down of it and he said he's never said the "A" word.  Wow... that's good, in my book. 

Good luck to me & Gesu Bambino!

Man...oh man!
Tomorrow at church, I'll be singing, Gesu Bambino, in a duet.  Typically, I wouldn't mind singing at church....but......

See that VERY top note of "G", that's what I've gotta sing up to!  Lately, my voice has not been hitting those so nicely.  It's screechy!!  In the duet, I'll be singing the higher of the two voices.  I'm getting really nervous because I don't know what to do.  I'm trying to remember all that Hermana R has taught me, but I'm honest to goodness nervous!  Especially since I've gotta sing that note, at least, twice during a solo part. MAN!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!  PLUS, it doesn't help that I'm bloated [read: menstruating].  Hermana R told me that Opera singers sign a contract saying that they cannot perform during their menstruation.  The female body retains water during that time (we already know this), and it also retains water in the vocal chords, thus altering the singing voice.  Don't believe me? Here's a link.

Good luck to me.
Hope I don't embarrass myself TOO badly.  Oh man....and Oeste will be there.


Wish me LOTS and LOTS of luck!!

A 6am Quickie...on Dec. 14!

-This past weekend wasn't ANYTHING like this weekend....

-My [home] stake choir did well on musical pieces.  I LOVE singing with the Chula Vista stake choir. I LOVE watching Hermana R lead music.  She's graceful in the way she moves her fingers, hands and arms.   Yet it's also powerful the way she a choir and accompanists at her command.  Love it! Love her!

-Work... Oh, I LOVE work!  Work is wonderful! Even when it gets close to being 'stressful', it really isn't. Sure, I felt a lil overwhelmed yesterday but I didn't feel stressed or upset about it.  Gotta love 'To-Do' lists.

-This past Monday was my first FHE in my new FHE Committee chairman (chairperson? woman? whatevers!).  Can I just say, I'm glad I have a committee.  I'm glad to know that there's a lot of good help available.  I can't wait to meet them all.  And with that said, I need some good, inexpensive, and fun FHE activity ideas.  Now when I say, "inexpensive", I mean 'free' because I don't feel like forking over my paycheck every other Monday.  Oh yeah....and it has to be approved by the Bishop first.  My thoughts on that later....

-Had a very enlightening & emotional conversation with Mr. Red the other day.  I'm so thankful that he 'gets' me, that I don't have to say much (or even anything at all) and he senses what I'm feeling and thinking.  I'm eternally grateful for his friendship.  

-I've got my work meeting today with Mulligan.  Oh man... and in the meanwhile, Oeste will be at my office for a meeting.  Fortunately/Unfortunately I've gotta go up to my office after my meeting's over.  I only say "unfortunately" because...

-I'm tired of commuting in the rain.  What usually takes 20 minutes to get to work now takes over an hour.  Dang drivers who don't know how to slow down when driving in the rain.  That is my ONLY complaint about San Diego---we don't know how to drive in the rain.  GRR!!!

-ok anyways... I've gotta get some work done before work.  Happy Wednesday! And my nephew Bub comes to town today! Happy day!

Pearl Harbor Day 2011

-My goals: 2 down, 3 to go! I'm so stoked! I'll post pictures when I've completed them ...or I'll post at least one of them ;)

-I hung out with Mr. Red last night. I told him that we needed to talk.  There was something on my mind that I needed to be open about.  It's something that I never wanted to address, but I needed to finally tell him about it. My pride and vanity were always stopping me.  I rehearsed what I was going to say and even went over it with my best friend.  In the end, he was the same caring Mr. Red and I made a big deal out of nothing.  It was such a relief because I even stuffed my pockets full of kleenex cause I predicted A LOT of tears. So now, this man knows me just as well as my lifelong best friend, Bugs. Sometimes it scares me because I've known Bugs my whole life and I've only known Mr. Red for the last year and a half.  It's easy to be open with him [excluding the above situation] and he reads me so well. He just gets me. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH! Oh this man........
-I received 2 callings, this past Sunday. One of them is the assistant ward bulletin (person? specialist? whatever it's called) and the other I'm REALLY stoked/nervous about! I'll blog more about that after Sunday.  I can't wait! 
-I'm really enjoying my job! I love what it's about and just the ambience of work. It's fun, chill and I feel like I'm making a difference in people's lives. 
-Can I just say, I'm LOOOOOOOOVING Robin Thicke's new album, Love After War?!?  It's chill & sensual...such a great combo! "Dangerous" is my faaaaave! HOT!
-I had a work meeting with Mulligan today.  I found out from a friend that he's kinda interested in some chick who lives in AZ. Eh, that's cool...whatevers.  Mulligan's really nice and sometimes I get SO nervous talking to him. Damn, those baby blues! ;)
-BTW, I LOVED Inception! Such a TRIPPY/AWESOME movie!! Plus, it didn't hurt to watch it on Blu-ray...especially 4 feet away from the screen.  I can't wait to watch it again!  
-I heard from Ras!!! Awww, Ras! He sounds so positive and he's already changing (for better). I miss him but I know he's exactly where he needs to be right now.  I can't wait til Hermanita comes home in 6 months!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!! 
-Tomorrow's Thursday. Oh I love me some Thursday! HAPPY THURSDAY!

PB ward Christmas party & Vans.

-It's 12:45pm.

-I'm drinking the BEST cup of HoCho, EVER!! It's by Nestle and I added two packets-thats' the way to go!! ♥

-I love cracked wheat! Try it! The texture is fun! 

-I saw Oeste tonight at my ward Christmas party. I asked him if he knew of any good places for Pho.  It was a brief conversation about Pho and where to have some. I guess he couldn't tell what I was trying to hint at. :-/  Do I even try to attempt to ask him, directly? Ugh.... I don't know...we'll see.  

-So my new ward friend, "Vans" was also at the Christmas party.  He came over to talk to me and it was cool getting to know him more. He studied Psychology (trippy).  I asked him if he's assessed me. He has.  I asked him to share it with me.  He said that I live my religion, but I don't make it my entire life.  I like that, I believe it.  He said that I'm easy going and friendly.  All true!  I told him I was a lil worried he'd tell me negative things, but wanted him to tell me his brutal honest opinion anyways.  He said he likes to be positive with his assessments since so many people think Psychology is just negative.  It was good.  I think it'd be cool to chill with him sometime.  He attended BYU-Hawaii, so I think there's some "hang loose" in him.  Small world, he knows Berkeley.  They grew up in the same ward and live out in east SD.   Vans suggested that I make it more of a habit to drive to east county to visit Berkeley.  I don't really want to, since it's about a 45 minute drive.  Berkeley and I meet up when it's convenient for both of us.  Eh, we'll see...

-My nephew, Sim & niece, Novee went by Mr. Red's tonight.  She invited him over for dinner.  Bless her heart! :) She's been wanting me to cook for him, again.  My family has all taken a liking to Mr. Red. Can't blame them, he is pretty spectacular!  When he interacts with them, he makes them feel like they're the most important person on the planet. I know this.  He does it to me all the time. I'm pretty dang lucky, I know.  

Goals: Before & During 2012!

As I was lying awake in my bed at 3am, this morning, I started to think of some of the things I would like to accomplish before 2012 and during 2012.  Just so I can reflect back on it, I thought I'd post it here.

BEFORE 2012: (so basically, within the next 29 days--TOTALLY doable!)

• Watch Inception.
• Go to the top of the Hyatt hotel.  (It's 40 floors up and has a beautiful view of SD...from what I hear)
• Eat Pho.
• Read another book.
• Eat at Bronx Pizza. 

I really want to do all of those before 2012.  Luckily, Mr. Red just bought the Blu-ray version of Inception off of Amazon, so that goal will be completed soon. When my nephew, Bub/Kea, comes to visit we'll FINALLY go eat at Bronx. As for the others... I'm thinking of asking Oeste out to either Pho or the Hyatt..or both? :) We'll see.  

DURING 2012: My "12 in 12" goals! (It's still a work in progress, this is what I have so far)

1. Visit Maui.
2. Get my passport.
3. Pursue a relationship.
4. See my best friend StephyPooh & Britty.
5. Finish Les Miserables.
6. Find out what's so great about running/jogging {by doing it myself...pray for me.}

So that's where I'm at, so far......  I'm really stoked for these goals.  I love the sense of accomplishment! Besides, it's good to work towards something...that's the point to this life, right? :) Good luck to me!