Sunday, July 8, 2012

Awkward & Embarrassed.

A couple nights ago, a group of us went out to eat, at Sonny's favorite restaurant.  I ended up sitting next to him, which I DID NOT want.  Later on, my friend Mare told me that my body language towards him was kinda rude.  I was turned away from him, and trying to focus on the conversation to my right.  I thought I was being subtle, but apparently I wasn't.  Mare gave me a hard time about it and then I realized later, I wasn't doing it because I was pissed at him... I was embarrassed.  I let my feelings show, last Saturday, that I liked him.  Once you throw that out there, there's not reeling it back in.  It's out in the open.  I feel stupid for asking him out, just plain embarrassed for letting him know that I dug him.  
Fast forward to today...
Some mutual friends were having a BBQ after church and I saw (on FB) that he didn't RSVP.  I figured he'd still be out of town and wouldn't be at the BBQ, especially since he wasn't at our Softball game, nor at church today.  Ame said that it would be good if I went to the BBQ so it didn't seem like I only went to gatherings that he would be at.  So I did.  As I was following Ame to the BBQ, I happened to look in my rear view mirror and noticed the buff looking man in the car behind me.  Whoever this man was, he looked pretty built and manly---SO HOT!!!!  Only when I stopped long enough at a stop sign did I come to realize that it was Sonny.  Really...REALLY?!?  I just couldn't believe it!!  What the heck?!  
I just feel so weird around him, I want to crawl in a cave and hide.  I hate the fact that he knows that I liked him.  I don't hide things well.  I don't want to talk to him, not cause I'm pissed that he basically turned down my invite for a date, but because I feel lame & stupid for even asking him out on a date, in the first place.  I wish I could just be invisible when he's around. 
Now I know what the saying, "Don't crap where you eat" means....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Please don't feel lame or stupid for asking him out. Hello if you hadn't asked him out; you would still be wondering and would be lame or stupid then. I admire that you have courage!!

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