The Friday Catch Up Game.

(This is what you photograph while waiting for your brakes to be fixed.)

*So my date from Tuesday... Uh, it wasn't anything great or grand. If it was, then I would have blogged about it sooner. Dating him would be a waste of time.  I'm not physically attracted to him, the connection I had with him on the phone could not make up the difference.  Ok, even if I TRIED to be attracted to him, the BIGGEST turn off was when he did not walk me to my car.  I went to his place, so he could make some pancakes that I found online.  WORST. THING. I. EVER. PUT. IN. MY. MOUTH.  They were extremely bland and very mushy--it was a very nice gesture and effort.  Since that was all he made, I didn't have anything to mask it.  Afterwards, we talked in his living room listening to 80's music, which I can't stand, and watched a lil of Tosh.0.  [Little sidenote,  he's 51 years old.  Yes, 20 years older than me.  He seemed young, til we actually met....then I realized that he really IS that old.] He tried to lead into kissing but I couldn't.  Poor guy had no game.  I'd blog about how I really felt about him, but I'm trying not to be that heartless.  Anyways, the guy didn't walk me to my car and he lives in a shady part of town, it was dark and my car was about 1/2 block away.  I was pretty pissed.  I mean, seriously, if he was smart or had an ounce of game in him, he would have walked me for one last ditch effort of a kiss.  I mean, that's what other guys have done.   It just made me think of Houston, who always walked me to my car.    All I can say is no wonder why this guy is single.  He needs a wingman or a Hitch. 

*There were 3 birthdays this week. My Mom's and my two very good friends, PajamaPants (Peej) & Eidde!

*Peej (L) is one of my dearest friends. We met on the Mish....in Philadelphia.  I once had a crush on him, we talked about it (& there wasn't any type of weird awkwardness! Thank goodness!) and now we're the best of friends. I love him dearly and cherish every moment I get to spend with him. He's extremely funny & very kind!  I ALWAYS have the best of times with him!!  He has the most beautiful singing voice I've ever heard {check it out here!}.  I'm so eternally grateful that Heavenly Father brought our paths together.  Who knew that when we met in October 2002, that we would end up as friends, after the mish. Lucky for us, we both happened to be from the San Diego area.  I'm so glad that we can continue to love and support each other in our lives.  I hope that we're friends for the rest of our lives.  I know my life wouldn't be complete without him.

*Eidde (R) is one of my oldest friends.  He moved into the house next to Liz when he was 5 and we were 9....we've been friends ever since!  He's been like the annoying lil brother I never had, but he's also been a true confidant.  Honestly, I have no idea how we're still friends?! I've played some of the worst pranks on him, growing up.  Poor guy would ALWAYS fall asleep whenever we hung out at Liz's house.  I would always paint his finger &/or toe nails....or put make-up on him.....or slip flowers in his hands that were clutched on his chest to make it look like he was dead, then take photos of it..........or hide his shoes, after falling asleep at the movies, then leave him as the last person in the theatre til the security guard woke him up........or.... well, I better not name the rest or else he might never return my phone calls.  I love Eidde, I truly do. I miss the fact that we hardly see each other these days, but that'll never change the way I feel about him.  He continues to help me be more open minded and I'm grateful we have such love & respect for each other. Eidde, I love you.

*I'll blog more about my Mom's birthday later....gotta upload some pics.

*Dating & guys......  I think I'm gonna lay low for a while.  It's just a frustrating game. Yes, game.  There's stupid rules to it and ALL of it is just confusing.   I think for the month of May, I'm just not even going to focus on guys.  I don't care if the hottest, funniest, wealthiest, smartest, most spiritual & religious single & available man sits down next to me at church or at the movies or at a park..... I'm not biting. I'm just frustratingly done right now. 

*And with that said, it's beautiful out....I think I wanna go ride Big Blu (that's the official name of my bike now.)  Happy Friday!

Pregunta.

I just came across this question while cruisin' the net, right now;

"Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?"

This morning, I woke up to a VERY unexpected text that said, "Just got back into the states. Give me a call later", sent at 4:58am.

It was from a friend that I haven't seen or spoken with in months! Ok, it was more like 3 months, but still that's been a very long time, when especially we live 7 miles from each other. Especially when it's a friend that I crave spending time with talking...walking....thinking...meditating.

Part of me was happy, overjoyed that this friend was alive and well because honestly, I had no idea what the hell happened to him.  Seriously, lately I was thinking, "Ok, well I guess he moved on and didn't feel the need to tell me that our friendship ended".  I was bitter and sad. Especially since he lives across the street from Houston, as well as my favorite beach spot, and I would ALWAYS see his place.  My heart ached because I deeply missed my friend and longed for his friendship.   I started to give up, thinking that he moved on with his significant other and that we were no longer friends. 

I don't know how I feel, exactly.....  I know I don't feel like jumping at his text.  I know I'm bummed at the way our friendship's been the last couple months.  I know that I shouldn't let my pride get in the way. 

So to answer the above mentioned question, in this situation--I don't know, I feel like both happened.  For the last couple months, I was losing touch with a very dear friend who lives so close to me and then he moved away [for a bit]. 
Sigh.
I miss those days of childhood when your farthest friend just lived on the next block over. 

Happy Friday! Yes, it will be!

*Thank you, Spotify! I LOVE this song! Makes me feel like it's REALLY Friday!

*I juiced some Carrots, Apples & Oranges this morning. I had to add the Oranges, because without it, it makes me think of Houston.  Siiiiiiiiiigh.

*I'm going to the Farmers Market in Imperial Beach today. I'm stoked. I really enjoy it!  

*Hung out with Cherry last night.  Went to eat Pho and then walked on IB pier. It was rather fun. Man, I love walking and talking. I think it's one of the most pleasantly enjoyable things to do. 

*I LOOOOOOVE this photo, that I took last night.... without a flash or a tripod: 

*Man, I LOVE photography. I NEED to finish my Photography degree!

Vibe.

*I shouldn't be bummed, but I am. I miss Houston, terribly.  I miss his morning texts that I received EVERY morning.  Long story short, he reiterated the fact that he only wants to be friends, right now.  At least I tried, I put myself out there and could only hope that he would share the same feelings.  Oh well, I tried and I'm happy I did.   

*I couldn't be more grateful for my dear friend Izzy. God sent me an angel to console my aching heart, in the very moment I needed one.  I don't like to let many people see me cry. To me, that's always been a sign of weakness.  She let me cry without making me feel stupid or weak.  She didn't judge anything that came out of my mouth.  She was the best friend that I needed in my time of sadness.

*From a Facebook post left on Ash's page: Remember how we talk about not throwing stuff out in the universe, unless you want it? Last night, I was thinking of an ex that I tried contacting months ago, but found out he had a new number. I was wishing I could talk with him because we haven't talked in a couple years. This morning I woke up to a text from him!!!! Out of the blue!!! Crazy, right?!?! He said that he was just thinking about me and wondered how I was doing. Ok, now I need to start thinknig of winning the Mega lotto tonight....   {And no, I wasn't lookin' for a "rebound", Riddler lives in Utah, no possibility there}

*My niece Novee's birthday was on Tuesday.  She's 11 now! I can't believe it!! Time flies by so quickly! I'll have to do a birthday post for her! 

*Went to the beach yesterday, man it was bitterly cold!!! The sun was out yet it was so windy! I got some sun on my pale legs and arms (as you can see above). I tried biking the Strand on Tuesday, but geez Louise, it was SOOOO windy! Biking into the wind was HARD!!! As I biked from the Strand to the beach in Imperial Beach, I think I saw Houston driving away from his place. I didn't want to look at him, I would have turned to mush. ANYWAYS, have I mentioned how much I LOVE living in San Diego?!?! I need to find a place on the beach! I just can't get enough of it!!

  

*I'm kinda stoked for the weekend and the upcoming week! I'll be going with a friend out to her family's place in Palm Springs to celebrate Passover.  I'm excited for the change of scenery, as well as the opportunity to experience Passover again.

*Tomorrow's the Farmers Market in Imperial Beach. I was/am really looking forward to going to it tomorrow. Part of me hopes to run into Houston, but I think my poor heart wouldn't be able to handle it.  Imperial Beach, I've fallen in love with you.....but sometimes, it hurts to see you. 

Being open & vulnerable.

Why do we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable with certain people? Why do we let them see our inner heart, expose ourselves to the very depth of possibly being hurt? I guess I do it because I like to freely speak my mind and hope that I can trust that person with my thoughts and feelings.  I don't want to be "guarded", I don't want to have to restrain myself.  I like it when I can trust someone enough to share myself with them. 
I sent Houston an email.
I apologized and shared my feelings, for him.
Do you know how gut wrenching it is, waiting and hoping for a response...a good response?
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst", right?
To tell you the truth, I'm scared. I'm afraid of what the email might say. 
It might not be what I want, but at least I can walk away saying, "I tried" than to forever think, "Coulda, shoulda, woulda". 

Now, the wait.....

Postlude of a kiss.

I feel like I owe someone an apology.  Sometimes, I say whatever is on my mind. I didn't say something harsh or mean, but it was honest.  I should have thought twice about it and I didn't need to say it twice, but I did. I thought it was said jokingly, but when Houston said I then said it twice, it was no longer a joke.
I saw him on Friday. He invited me over so he could make me some fresh juice.  I had a goal of not kissing him.  I didn't want to kiss him because I still have feelings for him and kissing him would make it hard to continue trying to get over him.  I walked in, he greeted me with an enthusiastically, and then planted one on me.  There went that goal. 
We kissed a few more times and then, after telling him my "goal", he didn't want to kiss me anymore, while I was there.  Things have been awfully quiet between us now.  It's a lil uncommon. 
Truth is... I love kissing him.  I love being taken in his arms, embraced oh so tightly and kissed just the way he knows how to kiss me.  If he were home right now, I'd want to drop everything I'm doing, go over there and kiss him. I'd want to kiss him until my lips turned raw and I no longer knew where my breath ended and his begun.

Juicin' my way towards Patience!

As mentioned in my previous posts, Houston use to juice my carrots.  It could sound like a metaphor, which totally makes me chuckle, but I promise it's not.   I loved drinking fresh juice at Houston's because A) I LOVE juice, especially fresh juice!  B) I didn't have to do anything :]  C) It reminded me of my Grandfather who use to make me fresh juice. 
Anyways, I've been longing for Carrot & Apple juice and gave into buying some at the store. Oh man, it was wretchedly HORRIBLE!! So dang gross!!  Today, I decided to stop longing for my fresh juice at Houston's and just buy a juicer! Unfortunately, Bed, Bath & Beyond only had them online so now I have to wait, 3-8 days til it gets here!! {Also, unfortunately, I bought the same exact one as Houston's.  YAY for me not trying to think fo him! Geeez} As I was walking around BB&B, I wanted to just buy one that I could take home that very moment! But for $58, I can wait...........not patiently, but I can learn to wait.  In the meanwhile, I'll look up all the juicing recipes that I plan on making! Can't wait!!

Dreamt of Houston.

Course.

Today, this is how I feel.....

I feel like certain relationships in my life have ran it's course.  I wanna be hopeful, to think that I'm wrong, but my intuition says otherwise.  I don't wanna be the stupid girl who doesn't get it.  Man, I really liked Houston.  I should have been more aware, more in tune with what he was saying and how he's been acting.  My own inhibitions got in the way, I over-thought stuff...well, too much.  I dont know... whatevers....  Man, I opened up to him, about a lot.  I wanted him to know that I was all for it, 100%. I allowed myself to be vulerable with him, so he could trust me.  He was wonderful, manly in every way possible, kind, sensitive, gentle, funny, smart.... he was great.  Man, this sucks....

Basically...

...this is how I feel, right now.

I'm going out to dinner with Houston tonight.

Seriously, I'm giddy like a school girl.

I can't help it, he's just so dang cute...

...and smart...

...and sarcastic...

..and manly...

..and oh so kissable, I could squeal!

I like him, dangit... I like him quite a bit.

Ok, I have to start getting ready, because the sooner I do, the sooner I get to see him!

Cheesy grin status, for sure.

Half-birthday.

Last night, I was suppose to go to back to Houston's beach with my friend Tat. I wanted to try taking more night photos again, with a tripod.  I was texting with Houston before I left my house, so I casually mentioned what my plans were. He jokingly said that maybe he would stalk me down. At the last minute, Tat cancelled but I still wanted to go shoot photos.
As I started to walk on the beach, by myself, he was there! My heart was so happy! Partly because I've missed him...and also because I didn't want to go out on the beach, alone, in the dark.

I got a few pics and enjoyed the company, immensely. On the way back, I almost stepped on:

Crazy, right?!?! Ewww, scary! Makes me think twice about walking on the beach, in the dark!  It was so dark out there, that I only made out the figure and didn't know what it was until I viewed the picture on my camera.  It didn't dawn on me, until I was home, uploading the pictures, that maybe I should have tried to scoop it up with my slippers and thrown it back in. 
All in all, this was probably my most favorite half-birthday to date! I've got Houston to thank for that :)

Ironic.

What's currently playing on my Spotify:


How I really feel:

 

Life, for the past 18 hours.

Thank you for filling in today, RedBox.

In case you were wondering.....

For dessert, I had planned on:

I got him his favorite ice cream flavor: Banana. And for me, I chose my beloved Mint ice cream. Great idea for dessert, right? We'd both be happy with our favorite ice creams!
That's if someone didn't forget them at home on the counter.... :( bummer. 
As for the rest of dinner... I was NERVOUS as heck!! Seriously NERVOUS!!! As I was peeling the Prosciutto apart, my hands were shaking!!!! It was ridiculous!! I haven't had such shaky hands since I played organ at church. It was crazy!! Luckily, Houston's hugs, kisses & very kind words eased my nerves.  I was nervous because I wanted everything to be just right and also, I wanted to impress him.  He reassured me that he'd be happy with anything I made and knew it would be just wonderful. 
It was!  It was my first time cooking Asparagus and it was delightful!!  The Salmon was superb and the Twice Baked Potatoes were fantastic!! 
He cleaned up the kitchen, which I was going to help with, but he said that it's "house rules, the cook doesn't clean."  I'm not use to that.  It was such a great evening!!  I will say this much, it was lovely slow dancing in the kitchen with him.  I felt like I had two left feet! The only other man I've ever really slowed dance with was my Dad.  My Dad's such a good lead and I was use to him.  However, when I relaxed and just let Houston lead, then all was well.  I need to do that more often... relax and let Houston lead.

Other than that, it was a very wonderful evening.  Man, I really like Houston ♥.  Glad I get to spend tomorrow with him out in the country! Can't wait!

Menu!

Can I just say how crazy/excited I am for tomorrow night!!
 I've FINALLY decided on a menu!!

Appetizer: Prosciutto & Cantaloupe

A VERY delicious combination! Plus it'll remind him of his time in Italia!

 Dinner: Crab stuffed Salmon!!

I've been craving these for several weeks now.

Twice Baked Potatoes!

Sauteed Asparagus!

.

Now, if only I could figure out what to have for dessert.......

Maybe, Banana Ice Cream since it's his favorite?

However, I did think about:

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My beloved Viking!!

We'll see.........

 Let's just hope Houston likes it...and likes me even more because of it! :)

Wrong....but not entirely.

There is a wonderful feeling that can come with an apology, as both the receiver and the giver. 

I felt like I owed Houston an apology.  I apologized and was quickly forgiven for something that I didn't even need to apologize about.  I love it when men are so understanding when you're a lil crazy/emotional when Aunt Flo is here.  More so, I'm grateful that Houston is just willing to overlook my imperfections and still have such lovely feelings for me. 

Life is good.

And just when I thought I was off the hook.... I've still gotta think of something impressive to cook him on Wednesday.

Wish me luck!!

And leave me some ideas!!

♪ "Already lost a grip, best abandon ship..."

As I was driving home from my Young Women's Volleyball game, I had this feeling. It reminded me much like the feeling I had the day I was fired. I remember the way people were uncharacteristically quiet towards me.  It just wasn't the same.  At the end of the day, I found out why. 

I like to think I'm a literal person, I rather have someone just be upfront with me. I don't like to have to guess or sense things out.  Sometimes, I need a bright neon sign.  However, I'm glad I have my intuition and gut feelings about certain things, people and situations.  I should trust it more than I do. 

I wish I was wrong about the feelings I'm feeling today, but I highly doubt that I am. 

Thank you Ms. Perry, your song seems to speak wonders to my heart today.....

Feelin' lucky on a Thursday

Today's one of those days when I can't help but think,

"How did I get so lucky??"

My inbox has been bombarded by photo comments/"likes" notifications for my recent Facebook profile pic.  I like my new profile pic (which happens to be the same as my display pic here) and it just makes me feel even more special that others think sweet, kind things about me too.  How blessed am I to call those "others" my friends!
After dinner, I'm gonna cruise over to Houston's to spend some time with him.  Last night, we strolled a secluded part of the beach, hand in hand.  It was peacefully wonderful. I like him.  He likes me.  How did that happen? He likes spending time with me and as he puts it, "actively pursuing a special lady." My pessimistic self doesn't want to get my hopes up.  For now, I'm just enjoying it all.  
Sometimes, I don't see what others see in me.  I just feel ordinary, nothing that special.  Maybe there's certain things that I can do, that are a lil different than what others do.... but I didn't think that set me apart from the rest.  I'm just me.  Nothing special really... but today, I feel pretty dang special.

And I'm going to hold on to that feeling for a while.

Nervous....Excited......with one week to go!!

So I asked Houston out on a date, for February 29.  Somehow it turned into me cooking him dinner.  For the last couple of days I've been racking my mind as to what I should make!  I have NO idea!!  Seriously, everything and anything I can make, just doesn't seem to add up. I mean, it's not exactly a "romantic" type of meal.  My nephews were saying I should make one of my soups. But soup isn't exactly what I want to make him just yet. I make "meal" types of food...  not "dinner-for-two" entrees. PLUS! He wants to watch me cook.  Oh man, I'm even MORE nervous!  Besides the fact, that I'll be cooking in his kitchen.  AHHHHH!!!!  I'm happy, excited, nervous and scared!! I would be more comfortable making homemade frijoles (beans), rice and enchiladas. Grrr.......we'll see what happens.  In the end, I think we'll both have a very enjoyable night.  

"GrumpyBear", party of one.

{{texts}}
Houston: How is your morning?
Me: Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong
Houston: How come?
Me: Someone didn't sleep so well last night, nor did she eat breakfast. "GrumpyBear", party of one.  How are you today? Did you have fun last night?
Houston: Aww. Poor grumpy bear.
...
Me: Honey, I'm sorry, I was feeling grumpy and didn't want to say something mean.
Houston: Are you all better?
Me: Yes I ate lunch and took a nap.
---------------
If there's something I could change about myself, I wish I weren't such a witch when I'm dog tired.  It gets even worse when I'm hungry, as well.  I can tell when it's getting bad, the yawns start.  Followed next by the impatience.  The impatient level is usually my telltale sign that innocent bystanders should seek shelter immediately or move to higher ground.  My family can tell when I'm tired, usually from my eyes, but then my not-so-friendly demeanor starts to rear it's ugly head and it's too late.....
When I'm tired, I try to keep to myself.  I try to stay away from situations that put me in harms way of saying something I'll later regret or treating others unkindly.  I can't hide my feelings and thoughts so well, sometimes.  It's a blessing and a curse that I'm so open with my thoughts and feelings.  I'm grateful for family and friends who still love me, in spite of this.

Guess who gets to find out a lil more about this tonight.......